


The Demon Wolf

by AsexualDerek (Cammerel)



Series: You Be Mulder and I'll Be Scully [3]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alcohol Withdrawal, Alternative Universe - FBI, Bestiality, Come Inflation, Dom/sub Undertones, FBI Agent Derek Hale, Knotting, Licking, M/M, Mating, Mpreg, Pregnancy, Pregnant Stiles, Sex Toys, Snowballing, Swearing, Vomiting, Weight Gain, Wolf Blow Job, Wolf Derek Hale, Wolf Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-07
Updated: 2016-01-14
Packaged: 2018-03-29 11:03:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 57,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3893995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cammerel/pseuds/AsexualDerek
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>5 years after the events that unfolded in California, Derek and Stiles reunite in New York. Things have changed drastically for each of them, though. Is it even possible to regain some sense of what they once had together?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Albany, New York

**Author's Note:**

> [Reference Collection](http://asexualderek.tumblr.com/private/74432876674/tumblr_mzxj4kCBxh1rxjbyo) \- [Edits](http://magestiles.tumblr.com/tagged/Blue-Moon-Edits)  
> 
> 
> _ I ask that you please read [THIS](http://magestiles.tumblr.com/private/117854533728/tumblr_nnobonL6kb1rxjbyo) before reading on, even if you've been reading a while, PLEASE read it. _

Derek leaving sort of sets off this domino-like effect of horrible things that Stiles has to endure, dealing with constant shit storms of issues while trying to hold himself together.

With the werewolf gone, helping Scott with his transition more or less falls to him and, while he doesn’t do a terrible job, he knows that the alpha could’ve done better. He’s bitter for a long time, ignorantly believing everything Derek had said because he just gets too tired of trying to come up with another reason as to why the older man would hurt him the way he did.

Everything about him changes, his sleeping and eating patterns, even his mood and behavior - and it’s all because of Derek. Stiles has difficulty thinking about anything else, because he opened up parts of himself to the older man that he’d never done with anyone else before; not even Heather.  


Missing the werewolf comes naturally, even after all of the harsh and mean things he said, there’s still a part of him that longs for his mate and it doesn’t make any sense to him, because he’s human. The distance between them shouldn’t bother him as much as it does, either, especially after time passes, but it does.

Stiles doesn’t bother keeping track of how long it’s been and eventually, the days all kind of blur together and he becomes a more secluded, bitter, shadow of his former self. Just about everyone takes notice, his friends, his dad; even his boss, whom, after a while, decides he’d rather not deal with it and ends up firing Stiles. So on top of everything else, he loses his dream job, and losing his job, in turn, causes him to lose the house - _their house_.

Alcohol quickly becomes a way to escape his head-space after that and it’s not so much that it makes Stiles forget completely, but it numbs the pain, makes it easier for him to breathe.

His father takes him in, too, and he knows that it’s not an ‘issue’ according to his dad, but he still feels like a burden, like a waste of space, doing nothing but sitting on the couch day after day, drinking his feelings away. Which is selfish of him, to say the least, because he knows the struggles his father has had with alcohol, and yet he continues to taunt and tempt the older man.

He’d give it up, but he knows he wouldn’t be able to handle the reality that being sober brings, so he packs a bag and moves out, without so much as leaving a note for his dad.

It’s probably a bad idea, driving under the influence, because God knows he’s seen what it can do, but he does it anyway. He doesn’t even really know where he’s going, he just drives and follows his instincts, letting them take him wherever they may.

Eventually he breaks down just outside of New Mexico and, as much as he doesn’t want to, he abandons the jeep and hitchhikes from there. It’s not like he has any pride left, so it doesn’t particularly bother him, hopping from vehicle to vehicle and making idle conversations with strangers he’ll never even see again - thankfully, most of them don’t expect money.

It takes about five months, and by the time he reaches his destination, he’s sunburned with blisters on his lips and covering his feet. He doesn’t even realize where he’s at until he finds himself staring up at a big egg-shaped statue and he vaguely remembers his surroundings from pictures; he’s in New York.

The realization shouldn’t confuse him as much as it does, seeing as this is where Derek’s at, but it’s still unnerving that his instincts lead him here.

He has a choice now, he knows he does. He can either search his mate out and more than likely be rejected, or just accept the fact that he’s **this** close and be content with that. He doesn’t really think he could handle the rejection at this point, not after all of these years, so he wills himself not to seek the older man out.

After the first week of staying in a shelter, he decides to try things on his own, because the other people he bunks with aren’t necessarily trustworthy and he catches them, on more than one occasion, stealing from what little he has left. At least when he’s on his own he doesn’t have to worry about that, unless he ends up getting mugged or something, but seeing as it hasn’t happened so far, he figures maybe he’ll be okay.

It’s not ideal, curling up under a cardboard box at night and sitting on the curbs of streets during the day, but he takes solace in the proximity to the werewolf, even if he can’t see him or be with him; he can _feel_ Derek out there.

* * *

After Derek gets transferred to the bureau in Albany, New York and gets assigned a new partner, he knows there’s no where else to go but down. It’s difficult enough trying to settle into a new place, and with his emotions in the state they are after he leaves his mate, the full moon less than a week away, he ends up making some bad decisions right off the bat.

The first thing he does is get his partner fired, and get himself suspended from work, and when he comes back he gets assigned **another** partner, despite requesting to work on his own. Then he becomes reckless; carelessly handling cases and coming in late to work, and eventually he gets pulled from the field and stuffed down on the first floor, transcribing other agent’s cases and handling paperwork. After over fifteen years with the FBI, it’s almost ironic it took them this long to put him where he ends up.

It doesn’t take long after that to hit rock bottom, and once he starts seeing a therapist, a real one - and not just any kind, but one that knows what he is, one he can completely confide in - he starts to get… somewhat better. He tries his hardest not to think about the things he could’ve had, the things he **almost** had, because it’s not like there’s anything he can do at this point.

Without his mate and without the handful of friends he’d managed to make in the short amount of time that he knew Stiles, he realizes that before he’d met the younger man, he never knew what it was **truly** like to be alone. He can kind of appreciate the ignorance from before, but it’s still bittersweet.

If he’d been considered a ‘monster’ at the last bureau, it pales in comparison to what he is now, his size doesn’t help, and at least before he’d been seen as some kind of unusual character. Now, after five years of working in New York, he knows that all of seven people in the entire building know both his first and last name, and the rest don’t bother, which is how he prefers it.

He may not have much, or anything at all, but after this long he actually feels like he’s at a state in his life where he doesn’t constantly blame himself for the things that happened to his family and his partners. He’s also come to realize how unusually unhealthy his and Stiles’s relationship was. Even though his mate was something positive in his life, he still never managed to dig himself out of the hole he’d buried himself in after he lost his family.

It’s ironic, that now Derek would consider him someone that could actually be of value to his mate, and he’s the farthest from Stiles he’s ever been.

* * *

The alpha, or omega alpha, or whatever he is at this point, leaves work later than most and starts his usual walk back to his loft, taking an awkward route just to avoid the man at the bus stop on his typical way home because the guy is one of the most insufferable jackasses Derek’s ever met. He stops at a cross section with a group of other people, keeping to himself when he catches an unusually familiar scent.

If he’d been in his alpha form, his ears would have perked up on his head the moment he caught a whiff and Derek turns quickly, knocking over the woman standing next to him and he reaches out to catch her and the three large bags of groceries she’s holding.

“Sorry,” Derek mutters gruffly, walking past her and knocking down another man as he tries to push his way past them, looking around wildly as he stares through the crowd, scenting the air and wincing when he catches the strong, overwhelming scent of a woman’s floral perfume.

He shoves through a group of people walking along the street, glancing at their wide eyes as his hulking mass moves quickly around the corner and he stops when he hears the familiar heart beat.

The alpha walks tentatively to a person sitting on the ground alone, being avoided by most of the people around and it doesn’t take him longer than a second to recognize Stiles, even in the state the younger man’s in.

Derek stares at him, his eyes widening and he reaches down to take his arm, “Stiles?” he says softly, brows narrowing as his mind spins in a million different directions, unsure of how to really put together the fact that his mate is **sitting there** in front of him.

Stiles doesn’t really hear what the person is saying, but he feels the hand on his arm and he jerks it away without looking up, figuring that it’s just another officer telling him that he needs to move, “Just leave me the fuck alone, I’m not hurting anyone,” he grumbles, drawing his aching knees in tighter to curl into himself.

“Stiles,” Derek repeats and leans down again, lifting the younger man up to his feet as though he were picking up an empty box, “What are you doing in New York?”

“What the fuck, dude,” Stiles complains and looks up, all the color draining from his face, because he’s either hallucinating or _looking at Derek_. But given the fact that he’s usually constantly inebriated, hallucinations don’t really seem that far fetched.

“This isn’t real,” he says to himself, trying to scramble back as he shakes his head and closes his eyes, “Too much alcohol, oh god I’m seeing shit.”

Derek narrows his eyes and scents Stiles again, looking at the state his mate’s body’s in and the alpha glances around, “You’ve been drinking…” it’s an unusual thought and, though he hasn’t known what the younger man’s been up to, he can’t understand for the life of him why Stiles is in **New York** , of all places - drunk, and clearly as underfed as he looks.

He takes Stiles’s jaw in hand, looking at the dry lips, the burned skin, and then he sighs, “You’re not seeing anything, you idiot - what are you doing in New York? And how the Hell did you get here?”

Stiles feels nauseated the moment he realizes that Derek is, in fact, standing in front of him and he shakes his head again, “I’m not-I’m not stalking you,” he tries to explain, remembering the older man’s words from when he left, “I swear I’m not, I haven’t even-I didn’t look for you, so… this isn’t my fault, okay? You found me and I just, I was sitting here minding my own business.”

“I’m aware of that,” Derek says, brushing his fingers through the awful attempt at a beard before reaching back to touch the nape of Stiles’s neck, “Let’s get you off the street before someone calls the cops or something,” he looks his mate over again and then lifts Stiles up into his arms, “When was the last time you ate?”

“Why do you even care?” Stiles asks, squawking when the burly werewolf picks him up and he tries pushing to get back down, but he’s too weak, “You don’t-you don’t want anything to do with me, just put me back down, I’m not some fucking charity case.”

“I never assumed you **were** ,” Derek responds as he ignores the looks they’re getting, the odd comments he can overhear, “We’ll talk about it once we get you inside, I can’t leave you out here like this,” he says, keeping his voice low so only Stiles can hear him.

He’s not sure if he should **tell** Stiles that it was all a lie, or if that’s even something his mate would want to hear. As far as the blind man had said, it was clear that Derek would move and stay in New York **alone**.

“Why not?” Stiles asks incredulously, “You left me in California, I’m not really seeing the difference,” he says, feeling inexplicably angry, “Look at me,” he shakes his head once, “The reason I’m like this right now is because of you, you fucking ruined me.”

“I know,” Derek agrees as he looks down at Stiles, “I’m sorry. I can’t undo what I did, but you’re gonna have to keep your anger somewhat contained until I get you to the loft, and **then** we can talk about this.”

Stiles opens his mouth to argue, but then he shuts it again and huffs, crossing his arms as he looks away. He’s still having a difficult time believing that this is actually happening - he’s dreamt of seeing Derek since he got to New York. But now that he’s near the older man, all of his feelings are coming back tenfold and he’s angry, fucking hurt that the alpha did what he did in the first place.

Derek carries Stiles, otherwise quiet and content as he breathes in the younger man’s overly familiar scent and tries **not** to smile - even though he knows his mate’s not in the best condition, or state of mind, he’s been alone for five years - the unusual interruption is more than welcome. He walks across the parking lot to the loft, reaching down carefully with one hand to grab his keys from his coat pocket as he steps into the elevator and hits the ‘6’.

“You don’t have to do this,” Stiles says after a while, expression grim as he recalls how mean the werewolf was when he broke things off, “I don’t understand why you’re doing this, I’m more than content just going back a-and sitting there - I’m used to it.”

The alpha looks down at Stiles and sighs, “Shut up, Stilinski,” he says softly as the elevator takes them up, and though he’s content to leave it at that, he doesn’t. He’s been alone far too long to **not** let Stiles back in at once, no matter what the conditions for leaving were, “I wouldn’t leave you like that… unless I had _no other choice_.”

“No other choice, huh?” Stiles asks and stares up at Derek, taking in the fullness of his cheeks, “Is that like, some shitty ass, subtle way of saying you had no other choice when you broke my heart, or..?”

“It’s not subtle in the slightest,” Derek says, taking Stiles out of the elevator and unlocking his door before sliding it open with little effort on his part, “I didn’t have a choice at all.”

Stiles wants to argue, to tell Derek that he **did** have a choice, but he doesn’t. The words make sense to him, because he remembers telling the werewolf that he wasn’t acting like himself - the rude words and the ugly laughs, none of that was Derek.

“I believe you,” he says naively.

Derek moves to the bed in the center of the room once he’s locked the door, and he sets Stiles down carefully, “I would’ve told you, but the conditions of me leaving were made... painfully clear. I-part of me hoped that you’d see right through it, that it wouldn’t have hurt you as much as I intended it to.”

“I did see through it,” Stiles says and frowns, “But I could only take so much, Derek, what you said-” he narrows his eyes some and shakes his head, “You really fucking hurt me.”

“I needed to,” Derek responds, reaching out and touching the younger man’s cheek, “I couldn’t risk you trying to contact me. If you did, it would’ve made leaving completely pointless… and now you’re here, in contact with me. I’m not even sure if **this** is safe.”

“I didn’t contact you,” Stiles points out, wanting to make that painfully clear as he reaches up with a shaky hand and pulls Derek’s from his face. He can’t handle having the alpha touch him like that, touching him like he actually means something, not when he’s… like this - dirty and gross.

Derek turns his hand and takes Stiles’s in his, “No, you didn’t, but… I don’t know, I-I need to explain everything, I need to-I need to cook you something,” he stands back up, helping Stiles to his feet, “I’ll make you something to eat, and you can get showered.”

He leads Stiles to the bathroom, turning on the light for him, “I’ll get you a change of clothes, I think I have an older shirt and some pajamas or something that might fit you better, just get showered and I’ll make you some food.”

Stiles looks around the spacious bathroom and it’s pretty obvious to him that Derek’s doing well for himself, just the little bit of loft he’s seen so far is already bigger than the home they used to have together. The sight of the shower itself makes him ache in a way he didn’t know was possible, every fiber of his being wanting to just push the alpha out of the room already and just get in it - he’s never gone so long without a shower before.

There is one little thing he needs to make sure of before he does that, though, so he stares up at Derek and keeps his expression neutral, “I’ll shower… if you can just-reconfirm that those things you said to me, tell me you didn’t mean any of it.”

“I didn’t mean any of it,” Derek says at once, staring back down into his eyes, “You’re my mate, you’re everything in my life that’s ever mattered to me. Every word I said when I left was a lie to keep you safe. Even if there was no possible way for you to have my pups, I’d adopt in a heartbeat over **any** other alternative that didn’t involve you. I love you.”

The words are more than Stiles anticipates and he swallows thickly, because it all kind of makes his chest swell with something akin to hope and he shouldn’t allow himself to give in so quickly. He tries not to and instead of replying vocally, he turns and moves to the shower, reaching out to test the nobs.

Derek smiles as he watches Stiles and closes the door a little for him before moving to the closet, opening it and stepping in, sifting through the clothes for some in the back. Fortunately, he’s been too lazy to actually throw anything out, and while he was still a giant to Stiles before, it’s better than anything he wears now.

He takes one of the tightest shirts he’d owned before and a pair of pajama pants with a drawstring, moving back to the bathroom and setting them on the counter without looking at Stiles before he goes to the kitchen to start cooking him something.

Stiles gets into the shower and pays no mind to the werewolf when he comes back in to set the clothes on the counter, hands reaching up to touch the water beating down on his sore skin almost reverently.

It hurts but it feels good at the same time, the pressure of the water making his flesh sting and burn as he watches in disgust, the water pooling brown around his feet as the dirt and grime washes away. Back before, when he actually took things like showers for granted, he probably would’ve just washed off and then got out, but he stands there for as long as he can and then he sits down, letting it rain over him even after it’s gotten cold.

When Stiles’s teeth start chattering he stands back up, limbs throbbing in protest from where he’s gotten so stiff. He brushes his fingers over the bottle of body wash and picks the familiar container up, the one Derek’s always used and before he realizes it, he’s letting out a shallow sounding sob. Raising a wet hand, he rubs it over his face to calm himself and proceeds to wash himself down, eyes watering the entire time as he breathes in the scent.

By the time he finishes, the water's already been cold for a while so he just shuts it off and climbs out, grabbing the nearest towel and wrapping it around his slender waist. He takes a moment to look at himself in the mirror and what he looks like now makes him want to weep, because he can see the toll that the years and distance between him and his mate has taken.

It’s not like he can reverse it all or use some kind of time machine to fix things, so he accepts things at face value and picks up the older man’s shaving cream, deciding that maybe shaving wouldn’t be such a bad start.

The sound of Stiles crying in the bathroom doesn’t take Derek by surprise, even though it makes his entire body ache, and the urge to go in to be with Stiles is difficult to push back, but he wants to give his mate as much respect and privacy as possible, even though he can more or less hear everything.

He prepares the plates, setting them out on the table and moving to the second refrigerator to grab a couple bottles of water, then takes down two cups and pours them before sitting down at the table and waiting.

Stiles shaves as carefully as possible and given the fact that he’s gone years without doing it, he doesn’t nick himself. Which is surprising, especially considering his hands are pretty much constantly shaking.

He rinses everything out and puts it all back before getting dressed, smiling sadly to himself when he pulls the clothes on, because they hang off of him, making him look even smaller than he already is. So he pulls the drawstring on the pajamas as tight as they’ll go, trying to make sure they won’t fall down before he exits the bathroom tentatively, crossing his thin arms as he moves closer to the table Derek’s already seated at.

Derek watches Stiles, his body tensing slightly as his chest tightens and he can’t help himself when he smiles, even though he feels like it’s probably inappropriate, “Feel any better?”

“I feel cleaner,” Stiles responds vaguely, because no, he doesn’t necessarily feel better. He looks at the food on the table and it’s as if his body decides to act on cue, stomach rumbling loudly, causing him to frown.

The alpha chuckles and stands up, moving to Stiles and all but pushing him towards a seat as he pulls it out and sits his mate down, “Eat,” he says firmly as he moves back to his own food, sitting down again and staring at Stiles, “Eat as much as you can, if you haven’t been doing it properly for some time… just eat what you can.”

Part of Stiles doesn’t want to, because he knows he’s going to make a mess - he won’t be able to go slow, as much as he wants to, “Derek,” he complains, mouth watering as he looks at the food.

Derek lifts a brow in confusion, glancing his mate over quickly, “What? What’s wrong?”

“I just-” Stiles shakes his head and leans in closer, breathing in how good it all smells and suddenly it’s just like he doesn’t give two fucks who’s watching him. He picks up the fork with a trembling hand and digs in, shamelessly keeping his face close to the plate as he chews and swallows, stuffing his mouth quicker than he knows he should.

Derek reaches out to stop his mate, standing up and looking at Stiles as he moves back around the table again, “Don’t,” he says firmly as he takes his seat and pulls it around, urging the younger man to swallow what he already has in his mouth before taking the plate and the fork away and handing him his water.

“I-I-I’ll slow down, just don’t-” Stiles whines and though he doesn’t want to, he takes a drink of the water just to appease the werewolf, eyes still rapt on his food, “Please, give it back. **Please**.”

“All of your water, first,” the alpha says as he watches Stiles, “You’re dehydrated, drink first, and then eat some.”

Stiles doesn’t question it, he does what he’s told and practically guzzles the water down, sitting the glass back down on the table when he’s done and raising his brows at Derek, “Will you give it back now?”

Derek sets the food down in front of Stiles once more, reaching out to take his own water and set it in front of his mate as well as he glances at his own food, but doesn’t bother touching it, “Eat slowly, don’t force it down or I’ll take it away.”

“I can’t eat slowly,” Stiles grits out as he starts eating again, not expecting Derek to understand in the slightest how it feels to be as hungry as he is.

“If you eat too fast, you could choke, or make yourself sick,” Derek responds, looking at the way his shirt fits Stiles, in the way that it **doesn’t** in the slightest. He got the smallest shirt he had and Stiles still looks like a child wearing a grown up’s clothes, “I know you’re starving, but you need to eat slow, otherwise it’ll come back up, and that’s the last thing your body needs right now.”

Stiles clenches his jaw and stares at Derek, gripping the fork tightly as he forces himself to slow down and he wants to cry, because it’s not fast enough.

Derek sits back in his seat, waiting as his mate eats and, as much as he wants to touch and hold, and kiss Stiles, he also doesn’t want to make the younger man uncomfortable. Things between them aren’t settled in the slightest, and he knows it’s difficult enough for Stiles to concentrate on the food, Derek doesn’t want to make any of it about himself, preferring to concentrate on his mate instead of himself.

“Don’t forget to drink,” he motions to the water, “Drink as much as you can.”

“I’m trying,” Stiles mutters around a mouthful of food, still chewing as he takes a big gulp from the other glass, the food in his stomach already making him excruciatingly tired.

“I know you are, baby,” Derek says and the word comes out despite his attempts to keep things somewhat platonic for the time being, at least until they’ve talked.

The pet name makes Stiles stop and his back goes a little rigid, looking at the alpha suddenly with furrowed brows and he wants to tell Derek not to call him that, wants to tell him not to say those kinds of things if he’s just going to end up breaking his heart again, because he survived it once, but he wouldn’t be able to do it a second time.

Derek swallows tightly as Stiles watches him and he stands up, “Sorry,” he says as he moves to clear his own plates, taking them to the counter and pulling down some containers to store them in. He’s barely touched his own food, but he figures Stiles can take care of it later, when he’s hungry again.

Stiles stares at the older man for an indiscernible amount of time and then diverts his attention back to the food, eating slower now than he had been before. It takes him longer than he’d like, but he finishes the food and wipes his mouth with his hand, willfully finishing off the rest of the water and although his eyelids are heavy, he stands up.

“I need to um-I have a little bit of money in my pocket, I need to walk to the store real quick,” he explains some, taking his plate to the sink before he walks towards the bathroom for his dirty clothes.

Derek narrows his eyes as he puts the food away and follows Stiles, as immediately protective as he feels, he’s aware that Stiles has been on his own for five years now.

He wants to argue it, but he nods, “Okay.”

Stiles grabs the crumpled wad of cash from his dirty jeans and slips his old shoes on, not concerned in the slightest that he’s about to go out in clothes he’s practically swimming in.

He looks at Derek then and moves past him to the door, “I’ll be back in a minute.”

Derek crosses his arms over his chest as he lifts a brow, “Be careful,” he says, because he can’t stop himself from doing it and he turns away, walking to the couch and sitting down as Stiles leaves.

[MageStiles](http://magestiles.tumblr.com/)   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh! And an early Happy Birthday to sterek_puppypiles! Ty fer reading and sharing.
> 
> -Cammerel


	2. More Than Hoped

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Reference Collection](http://magestiles.tumblr.com/private/74432876674/tumblr_mzxj4kCBxh1rxjbyo) \- [Edits](http://magestiles.tumblr.com/tagged/Blue-Moon-Edits)  
> 
> 
> _ I ask that you please read [THIS](http://magestiles.tumblr.com/private/117854533728/tumblr_nnobonL6kb1rxjbyo) before reading on, even if you've been reading a while, PLEASE read it. _

Stiles ignores the odd looks he gets when he crosses the street, moving mechanically to the alcohol section of the store and pulling himself out a forty ounce bottle of malt liquor. Just because Derek found him and was nice enough to let him shower doesn’t mean all of his problems are going to magically vanish, and after five years of relying on alcohol, he’s not going to be able to give it up cold turkey, not even for the werewolf.

He pays and leaves, but instead of going straight back up, he stays downstairs for a while, at least long enough to get a little more than half of it down, because if he knows Derek the way he thinks he does, then the older man will more than likely try to take it from him.

* * *

Derek waits patiently, hearing Stiles as the younger man buys the alcohol and as much as he doesn’t like it, he’s aware that it’s something his mate has been doing for a while now. He’s dealt with alcoholics before, it isn’t an easy thing to overcome, and it runs in Stiles’s family as well.

It’s not something people can just **stop** doing, no matter how strong-willed they are. He doesn’t like it at all, but it’s a small price to pay to have Stiles back. He’ll help his mate overcome it, but he also knows that that won’t happen overnight - or over weeks, or over **months** , or maybe even years - Stiles will still have the issue somewhere, at some point.

* * *

Stiles waits until it takes affect, feeling the mind numbing warmth wash over him and he stumbles to the elevator. He can’t, for the life of him, remember which button Derek hit, so he pushes them all and gets stuck wandering somewhere along the second floor. Only after he’s given up and slumped to the floor, back against a wall does he remember that the alpha can probably hear him.

“I’m lost,” he says simply, eyes burning from exhaustion, “And I’m tired, Derek.”

* * *

Derek sighs and gets up from the couch, walking to the elevator and going down to the floor Stiles is on, stepping out and moving to him, picking him up and holding him close as he takes the bottle from his mate. Even though he’s not fond of it, he keeps it, holding them both carefully as he walks back to the elevator.

“Six,” he says firmly, looking down at his mate, “It’s the sixth floor.”

“Mm,” Stiles hums vaguely and mindlessly leans into the heat Derek is putting off, closing his eyes and relaxing in the werewolf’s arms, “D’you care if I take a nap? I promise I’ll leave later, I just-you actually have a bed,” he explains.

Derek smiles sadly as he hits the ‘6’ and turns to press a kiss to the top of Stiles’s head, “You’re not leaving, you’re home already.”

He takes Stiles back up, walking into the front room and setting his mate on the bed, taking off the younger man’s shoes and setting the bottle on the floor by the bed before moving to his closet so he can change.

Stiles musters up the energy to burrow under the covers, all but pulling them clear up to his neck as he groans weakly, the softness of the bed a nice change from sleeping on the ground and it takes everything he has not to fall asleep the moment his head touches the pillow.

The alpha dresses down to something more comfortable, walking into the kitchen and taking care of the dishes first, then moving back to the couch and sitting once more as he glances at Stiles. He’d lay down as well, but it’s still only seven, and he’s not particularly tired.

Stiles blinks slowly and watches Derek, keeping his eyes on the older man even after he finally sits down, “I missed you,” he whispers, feeling like the words need to at least be said before he dozes off.

Derek reads for a short while before he stands up, changing once more and grabbing his wallet before he leaves the loft. He writes a quick note for Stiles, just in case the younger man wakes up while he’s gone.

Thankfully, he doesn’t have to go far, and he can just keep his hearing concentrated on his mate as he picks up a few things for Stiles, even going as far as to prepare a bag specifically for if the other man changes his mind and wants to leave. At least then he won’t leave with nothing to take care of himself.

The alpha returns back to the loft, sitting at the couch and putting things on the coffee table as he carefully goes through it all.

Stiles doesn’t sleep for long, he never does these days, and he sits up in the bed and rubs a hand over his face, blinking away the sleep in his eyes as he tries to focus them on Derek, “What are you doing?” he asks groggily.

“I went out and got you some clothes,” Derek says first, motioning to the pile on the end of the table as he goes through the next bag, “Mine don’t fit you, I figured you’d want something else.”

“You didn’t have to do that,” Stiles tells him, scooting back so that he can rest his back on the headboard, pulling the comforter up around his waist.

“You’re my mate,” Derek responds and looks at Stiles, “I wanted to.”

Stiles doesn’t respond to that the way he wants to, instead, he lets his head loll back some and he yawns, “So, are you gonna tell me what happened?”

Derek eyes Stiles for a moment before taking the bag he’d purchased, grabbing things from where he’d set them at his side, carefully placing the change of clothes in first, “You remember the man I told you about, the blind one that took my gun the night Boyd was murdered?”

“Yeah, I remember,” Stiles nods and shifts, getting comfortable once again as he watches Derek and listens to him speak.

“He was the one that summoned me that afternoon,” Derek explains as he continues putting other things in the bag, “He’s a werewolf, and I guess… I’d been careless, when I shifted to give Scott the bite, and then left to change. The woman from the driver’s side of the getaway car was handcuffed to the door, and she saw me.”

“Okay?” Stiles says, trying to urge Derek on with a slight raise of his brows.

“The man felt as though I’d threatened our kind by being negligent,” Derek continues as he zips the bag and puts it aside, standing up and walking to Stiles, “I exposed werewolves to a human, and he threatened me. He gave me a file that he’d already set up, if I didn’t agree - one involving the incident with Peter, and your gun. He said that if I didn’t leave, without you, and ensure that we wouldn’t make contact, that he’d ruin your career. You’d take the fall for the people that Peter murdered that day.”

Stiles narrows his brows and snorts, “A lot of good leaving did then, because I lost my job anyway,” he says and he can’t help that he’s still a little bitter.

“That wasn’t my intent,” Derek says softly as he sits down by Stiles, “But it’s still better than being arrested and sentenced for those murders; you wouldn’t just be without a job. I couldn’t take that chance, I was hoping-I’d **hoped** that you would just move on. That you’d think I was a monster, and hate me, and get over me and be better for it without me in your life.”

“You knew how I felt about you and y-you just-you expected me to get over you?” Stiles asks, voice going up an octave or two, “I felt like a dumb, ignorant, lost puppy after you left me, Derek. I didn’t know what to do with myself, I still don’t. I think you’re seriously underestimating how much I love you.”

“I’m not, not now,” Derek says as he looks down and shakes his head, “It was different before.

“When I was with you, as much as I love you - even when you told me you loved me and I could **hear** it, I still didn’t believe it. When you said you wanted me, when you said you were mine, I didn’t believe you at all. I expected you to get over me because I thought that you-that deep down, you still didn’t want me, even after I’d explained how the mating worked. You didn’t want me, you didn’t want my seed, and you were just convincing yourself to be with me, because it was easy. I thought all of that, all of the time.”

“Yeah, well, that’s stupid,” Stiles says, “And you’re stupid for thinking it, because nothing about what we had was easy. I’ve never been anyone else’s but yours since the moment you told me how you felt about me.”

“I know,” the alpha responds as he looks the younger man over, “I was an idiot, but I was… I was broken. I’ve spent most of the past five years regretting how I was with you and how I dismissed your feelings. It isn’t something I’m **proud** of, but I couldn’t stop myself from feeling that way.”

“And now what?” Stiles asks, eyes still glued to Derek, “You’re… better? In a better state of mind and able to realize just how much I do love you?”

Derek nods, “I’ve been seeing a therapist for some time now, not like the one in the bureau, but a **real** one, one that knows what I am. I can be honest with him and he’s been helping me to stop taking everything out on myself, blaming myself for what happened to my family and Vernon, and you. Realizing and admitting that the feelings weren’t as one-sided as I convinced myself they were.”

“Good,” Stiles says quietly and nods as well, “I’m glad, I’m happy for you,” he tells the werewolf, and he is, but he doesn’t know where any of this leaves _them_.

“I don’t know if I’d say the same,” Derek responds somewhat sarcastically and shrugs, “It’s exhausting trying to let things go that I’ve been holding onto for almost thirty years now, but I wanted to be better, if… just in case you **hadn’t** moved on. Just in case you were just as miserable as I’ve been, I wanted to be a better person for you. Someone that could accept your feelings.”

“I haven’t moved on,” Stiles says then, as if it’s not painfully obvious, “I couldn’t, you-you were-” he furrows his brows pensively and shakes his head, “You’re everything to me, I couldn’t just… move on, even after you said what you did.”

Derek nods and reaches out to touch Stiles’s hand, “I want you,” he says firmly, “I want you to stay with me, here, and… if I have to fight to be with you, I will.”

Stiles wills himself not to pull his hand back from the warmth of Derek’s, “Things can’t just go back to the way they were, Derek,” he says softly, “I need you to understand that I’m not-I’m not the same person anymore.”

“I know that,” the alpha responds, staring Stiles in the eyes and speaking confidently, “Neither am I. We’ve both changed, but we’re mates, and I can’t go the rest of my life without you, I won’t.”

Stiles lets the words sink in and he sniffles some when his eyes water, more unashamed about his emotions than he’s ever been, “You look good,” he says, trying to change the topic some, forcing a smile as he looks the larger man over, “Healthy.”

Derek lifts a brow because, while he knows Stiles is sincere, he really is anything **but** healthy, at least physically. It’s not completely out of control, yet, but he doubts it’ll change - he kind of doesn’t want it to. He shrugs, glancing down at himself, “I thought I stood out before. Being big is one thing, and being a giant is another… but now I guess I’m both.”

“Still,” Stiles shrugs, fingers gripping the comforter tighter, “You look good,” he says again.

“Thank you,” Derek says finally, “I’m still not good at receiving compliments,” he smiles slowly and curls his fingers around Stiles’s hand, “You don’t. You look tired, you look like I need to feed you every hour… you haven’t been eating properly, but we’ll get you healthier; as long as that’s what you want.”

“Yeah,” Stiles says and looks down at where the alpha is holding his hand, “It is, I don’t wanna be like this,” he admits.

“Good,” the alpha moves closer, pulling Stiles into his lap and looking down at him as he touches his mate’s chin, “ **Wanting** to get better is the first step to getting there, as long as that’s what you want, then I can help you,” he leans in, pressing a soft kiss to Stiles’s forehead, “I missed you, too, in case that wasn’t obvious.”

Stiles rests his head against the werewolf’s shoulder and it feels so good to be near his mate again, his body practically thrumming with contentment, “It could’ve been made a little more obvious,” he teases lightheartedly, “Did you, by chance, happen to buy a toothbrush when you went out?”

“I did,” Derek says as he runs his hand through Stiles’s hair, “I got you the type of toothpaste you normally use, as well, and some mouthwash, and new shoes…” he smiles and leans down more to scent Stiles’s neck, almost groaning when he does it, “I probably forgot a few things, but I got as much as I could.”

“Thank you,” Stiles says and shivers slightly when the alpha scents him, the action almost foreign to him at this point, but it’s nice and he reaches up, tentatively touching the werewolf’s cheek.

Derek covers Stiles’s hand with his own, turning into the touch and lacing their fingers together, “So, are you going to tell me why you’re in New York?” he asks finally, looking at his mate somewhat seriously.

“It’ll probably just sound stupid, but yeah, sure, I guess,” Stiles says and squeezes the thicker fingers entwined with his own, “I um-things were pretty bad; I got fired, lost the house, became an alcoholic and moved in with my dad and, I just-after a while I kinda felt like shit, doing that to him knowing he used to be addicted, too. He kept telling me it was fine, told me he was more than happy to have me there, but I-I couldn’t help but feel like a burden to him, you know?” he asks rhetorically.

“So I left, drove as far as I could without even knowing where I was going. I broke down and just left the jeep,” he frowns then, “Hitchhiked a lot and ended up here. It’s better than being back home, constantly seeing the disappointment on everyone’s faces when they look at me.”

Derek nods as he listens, his right hand rubbing Stiles’s back soothingly as he brushes his thumb over the side of his mate’s hand, “I guess both our careers got ruined after I left… I’m sorry.”

“I forgive you,” Stiles says and he hates how willing he is to do so, how desperate he is for this, for a chance to be with his mate again even though he’s wary of the outcome.

“I can’t undo what I did to us, but I can fix it,” Derek says as he stands up, lifting Stiles into his arms as he moves to the couch, grabbing the bag sitting against the side of it before walking into the bathroom, “I don’t want what we had before, I want more than that,” he looks at his mate as he sets Stiles down, “Once you’re healthy enough.”

“I don’t understand,” Stiles says and shakes his head, staring at the alpha in confusion, “You don’t want me until I’m healthy?”

“I want you any way I can have you,” Derek responds as he smiles, his hand running down Stiles’s side and then he presses his palm to his mate’s stomach, “But once you’re healthy, I’m putting a pup in you.”

“Derek,” Stiles says sadly and pulls the werewolf’s hand away from his stomach, looking down for a moment and shaking his head, “You can’t-you can’t just say things like that. It’s not possible, and we both know it.”

Derek grins wider and grabs Stiles’s waist, pulling him close as the alpha leans down, pressing his lips to his mate’s ear, “That’s where you’re _wrong_.”

Stiles puts his hands to Derek’s chest and shakes his head more fervently, because he doesn’t want to be toyed with, and not being able to have pups is a touchy subject with him.

“No, just stop, okay?” he frowns, “I don’t-we’ve talked about this and it’s been five years, Derek. I don’t think it’s really in the stars for us.”

“Shut up, Stiles,” the alpha says as he takes the younger man’s hands from his chest and stares him in the eyes, “Don’t argue with me,” he grabs his mate’s chin to look into his eyes again, “Is it what you **want**? Do you want them, Stiles? Or has your mind changed?”

“Of course I want them,” Stiles says, voice tremulous, “That’s not even a question, but you’re-I may be drunk, but you’re delusional. My gender hasn’t exactly changed in the last five years, I still can’t bear your pups.”

Derek nods in agreement, “Not yet,” he responds confidently as he straightens up once more, setting the bag on the counter, “Brush your teeth,” he orders Stiles, leaving the bathroom and going back to the couch to take Stiles’s clothes up and put them in the closet.

Stiles doesn’t really understand what Derek means by ‘not yet’. The only thing he can even come up with is the older man forcing him to get a sex change or something, and even then, he doesn’t see the whole pregnancy thing working out. So he dismisses it and pulls things out of the bag, opening the new toothbrush and brushing his teeth, gargling with the mouthwash before he straightens everything up and steps out of the bathroom.

“I’m putting your clothes on the left,” Derek says as he makes as much space as possible, glancing out to look at Stiles, “I guess I should clean out the older things some time this weekend, but I have work tomorrow.”

“Okay,” Stiles says, watching the werewolf as he crosses his arms, running his tongue over his teeth appreciatively.

Derek finishes putting up the last of the shirts and moves back out, closing the door and walking to Stiles. He cups the back of the younger man’s neck and leans down, kissing him on the lips finally and wrapping his other arm around his mate’s waist to pull him in.

Stiles’s eyes widen and his hands lift up, palms resting lightly on the werewolf’s biceps and as much as he wants to just melt into it like things are all honky dory, he doesn’t. He pulls back some and stares up at Derek, “Next time warn a guy, yeah? I-I-” he huffs, “You know I love you, but we need to-it needs to be slow, I can’t just jump right back into it.”

“I know,” Derek says as he stares at Stiles, “But I’ve been wanting to kiss you for a _while_ , you’ll have to forgive me, I can’t help myself - I won’t do it again.” He pulls back as well, taking his arms from his mate and licking his lips before turning and moving back to the couch.

“The closeness is nice,” Stiles clarifies and warily meanders over to the couch as well, slowly taking a seat next to the werewolf, “I think I need it, but the-the intimacy, the kissing… I just-I need to… it has to be slow.”

Derek looks at Stiles as he curls the empty bags in his hands and nods, “Yeah, I know,” he takes the duffle he prepared and stares at the younger man, “If you want to leave at any point, for **any** reason, I want you to take this, and I want you to take my vehicle - there’s a copy of my key in the bag, I don’t want you walking roads on your own.”

“Why would I leave if you want me here?” Stiles asks, glancing briefly at the bag, “I don’t have anything anymore, Derek.”

“I know that, but I just want you to feel comfortable,” Derek explains, “I don’t want you to feel cornered, or trapped. I know you’re my mate, and I know you want to be with me, and that you want pups - but I want you to know that if at any time that changes, you also have options; you’re not **stuck** here in New York.”

“It’s not gonna change,” Stiles tells him, expression softening somewhat, “But thanks, I guess,” he says as he allows himself to lean into the werewolf.

Derek stands back up, moving to the trashcan by the kitchen door and throwing away the bags, “I know you’re not gonna be able to stop drinking at once, but I don’t want you doing what you did tonight, just going out and getting drunk outside the building. You understand?”

Stiles is more disgruntled by the fact that Derek moved away after he worked up the nerve to lean closer than he is about the alcohol thing, crossing his arms as he scoots to the opposite end of the couch, “What do you want me to do, then?” he asks, “Do you want me to bring it up here? I know the smell bothers you.”

“It bothers me,” Derek confirms, “But it bothers me less than you wandering around the loft, or walking out into the road and getting hit by a car,” he motions to the bottle by the bed, then moves to Stiles, sitting in front of him and reaching out to touch his leg, “I’m not gonna ask you to stop it all at once, as long as you can keep it to a minimum and not **abuse** it so much, until we can get you to where you don’t have to depend on it. But for now, you either go out of the house to get more while you’re sober, or you take me with you.”

Stiles stares at Derek and nods, trying not to frown, “Are you disgusted with me?” he asks then, because he knows just about everyone else is, even if they won’t say it to his face.

“No,” Derek says at once, “Why would I be disgusted?”

“Look at me,” Stiles says, gesturing to himself, “I’m not exactly as bright-eyed and bushy-tailed as I used to be, I probably don’t even smell good to you anymore, do I?”

“You still smell the exact same,” the alpha responds softly, smoothing his hand over the pajamas Stiles is wearing, “Just more distressed, which isn’t unexpected. But other than that, it’s no different. You’re my mate, I could **never** be disgusted by you, Stiles.”

“Okay,” Stiles says weakly and moves his hand to touch Derek’s, unable to really bring himself to say any more.

Derek pulls Stiles back in close, his arms wrapping around the younger man as he lets out a huff of breath, “I just don’t want you to endanger yourself anymore, it’s bad enough that you’re drinking, I don’t want to go to work thinking about how you might end up getting yourself killed by being so reckless. If it happens, even once, I’m locking you up or tying you down to something before leaving for work. I don’t think you want to spend the better part of the day like that.”

“I dunno,” Stiles says, wrapping his arms around Derek’s neck and hugging him tightly, smiling to himself, “Sounds kinda kinky,” he jokes and it feels odd, because he hasn’t done it in so long.

“It would be even kinkier if I left you there and you ended up wetting yourself,” Derek responds sarcastically, “We should try to avoid it, though, at least while I’m gone.”

“I’ll try,” Stiles tells him, fingers mindlessly playing with the back of Derek’s hair as he continues to hug him, “I promise I’ll try.”

Derek shifts slightly, leaning down to press another kiss to Stiles’s head, “I’m sorry about the things I said to you. I know they were everything that you never wanted to hear, and I said them. I didn’t want to, but I still did - I know it hurt you, but I didn’t mean any of it at all. I know you said you forgive me, but I’m still sorry, and I’ll make it up to you, I promise.”

“Okay,” Stiles says and it’s beginning to feel like it’s his go-to word nowadays, because if he says anymore he could ruin the moment and if he says any less, then he could… ruin the moment. He pulls back finally, hesitant to do so, but he does it anyway and offers the older man a weak smile.

Derek reaches up to touch the back of the smaller man’s neck, “I love you,” he says softly, even though he knows that Stiles is being somewhat withdrawn, he feels like he needs to say it as much as humanly possible.

“I love you, too,” Stiles says honestly, unable to not respond in some way, because even though he wants to take things relatively slow, he still wants to make sure the alpha knows how he feels.

“Apart from everything else that happened after I left, I know it was sudden,” Derek mutters and drops his head slightly, “Did you help Scott through the full moon?”

“I kinda had to,” Stiles says, thinking back to how panicked Scott had been, “He really needed you.”

Derek nods slowly, “I know. My first beta and I had to completely abandon him when he needed me.”

“I got him through it, though,” Stiles says in a feeble attempt to reassure the older man, “I think you’d be surprised at how much he’s changed and adapted to being a werewolf.”

“I knew he would,” Derek smiles slightly, “I knew I could rely on you to help him through it, you’ve been through enough with me to know how to handle a werewolf. Thank you, I should’ve been there, but I’m glad you were.”

Stiles nods, “You should see Heidi now… and Ollie, they’ve both gotten so big.”

“Children typically do that when you aren’t looking,” Derek says, his hand running along Stiles’s back. He can’t wait to get started himself, it’s **literally** only a matter of time, now that he has Stiles.

“She still talks about you,” Stiles tells him, staring back at the werewolf, “The first Halloween after you bit Scott, she absolutely had to go as a werewolf, it was cute.”

Derek chuckles, “Hopefully, we can get back there, but for now we should probably stay in New York, while you get back your strength and we work on getting you sober. It might take a while, you should call them when you can - if you know their numbers, they’re probably worried about you.”

“Probably, yeah,” Stiles says, “I didn’t even tell dad I was going, I just left - I hope he’s okay.”

“You can take care of that in the morning,” Derek responds, “I’ll leave my cell phone with you, that way you can let them know that you’re okay. And my number at the office is in there too, if you need to talk to me.”

“Okay,” Stiles says again and nods, nerves beginning to get the best of him at the thought of calling his dad after this whole time.

Derek raises his brows when he hears Stiles’s heart beats start to accelerate and he continues to smooth his hand along the younger man’s back in concern, “Are you gonna be okay on your own tomorrow?”

“I’ve been okay on my own for almost half a year,” Stiles says dismissively, “Yeah, I think I’ll be okay.”

“You’ve looked in the mirror, I’m sure you understand why that statement makes me nervous,” Derek responds and squeezes Stiles gently in his arms, “If you need me at **any** time, call me, don’t go out on your own, okay?”

“I’m not gonna pull you away from your work, but I-I appreciate the sentiment,” Stiles says, “I’ll probably just be better off getting some before you go.”

Derek nods, but then elaborates, “I’m not just talking about alcohol,” he reaches up to touch Stiles’s cheek, “If you just want to talk, don’t worry about pulling me away from work - it’s nothing special.”

“It’s the FBI, Derek, it’s still something,” Stiles says, leaning into the warm hand.

Derek laughs and shakes his head, “It’s the FBI… right,” he scoffs and rolls his eyes, “I don’t think you understand.”

“You’re right, I really don’t,” Stiles confirms, “I haven’t seen you in five years, so…”

“I’m not a field agent anymore,” Derek explains, “They removed me within the first few months I moved to New York.”

“Why?” Stiles asks curiously, unable to imagine Derek sitting behind a desk doing paperwork day after day.

Derek shrugs, “Why else? I don’t play well with others. I got my first partner fired, and then when they gave me another, I became negligent.”

“You were a good agent, you shouldn’t have done that,” Stiles says, frowning at his mate, “And now I bet you’re miserable, aren’t you?”

“Of course I am,” Derek admits at once, “But it’s no different than it was when I first started there. I’m just as miserable on **and** off the field. At least now people leave me alone.”

“Right, and seclusion has treated you so well in the past,” Stiles says dryly and then huffs, “Regardless, maybe you can handle it better this time, seems like the therapist has been doing you some good.”

“I know it’s not the best position I’ve managed to get myself into, but I didn’t want to leave the bureau entirely. It’s… it’s convenient for the full moon, they don’t ask questions, and I didn’t want to **move** , in case… in case this happened.”

“In case this happened,” Stiles repeats curiously, “Did you anticipate this happening?” he asks in confusion.

“The same way that humans anticipate meeting celebrities, yes,” Derek says and smiles sadly, “I hoped. I didn’t **expect** , but I did hope that you would come to me.”

“You,” Stiles says, mouth hanging open slightly as he narrows his brows at the older man, “ **You** hoped for something,” he mumbles and part of him really wants to shake his mate’s therapist’s hand, because that’s something the werewolf never really did before, “Huh.”

“More than hoped,” the alpha says as he leans down to scent Stiles’s neck, “I wanted it, I dreamed about it all the time, it’s the only thing that’s kept me where I am, doing what I’m doing. I don’t have anything else to live for.”

“I’m-” Stiles starts and closes his eyes, sighing softly in contentment when he feels Derek’s nose against his skin, “Impressed, I think?” he says, carding his shaking fingers through the hair above the alpha’s ear.

“Why? Because I wanted something?” Derek asks as he pulls back, “That’s all on you, that’s why I bought the vehicle I did when we were together before. It shouldn’t surprise you.”

“Well, it does,” Stiles shrugs, “It’s gonna take me a while to get used to this new you.”

Derek nods in understanding, one hand brushing gently over where the scar from the stab wound would’ve been as he lays his head down on his mate’s shoulder, “It’s different, I know, but if it weren’t for you I don’t think I would’ve had the strength to hope for anything at all.”

“I’m glad you did,” Stiles says softly, “It’s difficult to believe that we’ve been apart for five years and… I still love you just as much, if not more than I used to.”

“It’s the same for me,” Derek says, closing his eyes and breathing Stiles in still, as much as possible, “Going to work tomorrow isn’t gonna be easy,” he admits and smiles as he nuzzles the younger man, “I’d quit if I could afford losing my job,” and to be honest, he probably could, **easily** , but it’s better to save up what he can, as much as he can.

“I wouldn’t want you to, anyway,” Stiles tells him and shakes his head a little, “I’m not going anywhere, I’ll be here when you get back.”

Derek stands up then, keeping Stiles in his arms as he steps away from the couch and moves to the bed, pulling the covers back and climbing in as he lays on his back, “Do you want me to wake you in the morning, or just let you sleep?”

“I haven’t slept well for a long time, so chances are I’ll either be awake before you or I’ll wake up shortly after,” Stiles says quietly, resting his head on Derek’s chest, already being lulled by the pounding of his mate’s heart, “So I guess if I’m asleep, just wake me up.”

The alpha smiles in contentment and nods, “And then I’ll make you breakfast,” he says softly, running his hand through the back of Stiles’s hair.

Stiles hums weakly and lifts his head for a moment, leaning up and tentatively kissing Derek’s cheek before he lays back down, nuzzling against the softness of the alpha’s body, “Okay.”

[MageStiles](http://magestiles.tumblr.com/)   



	3. You Always Do

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Reference Collection](http://magestiles.tumblr.com/private/74432876674/tumblr_mzxj4kCBxh1rxjbyo) \- [Edits](http://magestiles.tumblr.com/tagged/Blue-Moon-Edits)  
> 
> 
> _ I ask that you please read [THIS](http://magestiles.tumblr.com/private/117854533728/tumblr_nnobonL6kb1rxjbyo) before reading on, even if you've been reading a while, PLEASE read it. _

When Derek wakes up the next morning to reach over and turn off the alarm clock, he nearly suffocates Stiles, forgetting that the entire evening hadn’t been made up in his head like every single **other** scenario he’s dreamt of Stiles returning to him.

He eases up at once, grinning and wrapping both of his arms around the smaller man the moment the alarm’s shut off and the alpha runs his palm down Stiles’s back, “Are you gonna get up, baby?”

“Are you gonna threaten to pour cold water on me if I say I don’t want to?” Stiles asks sleepily, eyes still closed as he snuggles in closer to the werewolf. It was probably the first night in the past five years he’s actually slept completely through without waking up and screaming from nightmares, so he’s more than content to just stay like this.

“No,” Derek says softly as he stares at Stiles, his leg lifting to slide over the younger man’s as he growls low in contentment, “I don’t think I could manage to pull away from you long enough to **get** cold water.”

“ _Really wish you didn’t have to go to work today_ ,” Stiles practically whispers, too tired to raise his voice any and he shifts his leg against Derek’s, sighing happily at how good it feels and he doesn’t want to lose the heat between them.

Derek chuckles and reaches up with one hand to rub gently between Stiles’s shoulder blades, “It’s just _fourteen hours_ ,” he says, sighing as he narrows his brows, “Maybe I can drop by during lunch.”

Stiles growls halfheartedly under his breath, opening his eyes some to look around as he shifts and drapes himself atop the older man, pulling the covers clear up to his neck before going completely limp, “Don’t go,” he whines, “You’re so soft and I missed you, don’t go.”

“I have to,” Derek says, even though he doesn’t want to, “I hate the idea of going,” he admits then, holding Stiles close, “I don’t want to, but I miss enough work already. The best I can do is drop by during lunch, but I really do have to go to work.”

Stiles huffs softly and lifts his head to look up at his mate, staring into the older man’s eyes before he shifts up tentatively and brushes their noses together, then he very slowly presses his lips to Derek’s, “I expect to see you around lunchtime,” he says weakly, kissing the alpha chastely once more before rolling off of him.

Derek’s entire body tenses when Stiles kisses him and he grins, “You hungry?” he asks, voice low as he leans in to kiss his mate’s temple.

“I’m not gonna turn down food,” Stiles says in the way of a response, touching Derek’s cheek as he shifts his legs around to get comfortable again, but he can already tell it’s fruitless.

Derek turns them, tucking Stiles under the blankets and then standing up from the bed, going into the bathroom to shower quickly. He comes back into the main room not fifteen minutes later with a towel wrapped tightly around his waist as he walks to the closet to get a change of clothes.

Stiles’s brows narrow when he watches Derek come out of the bathroom and he sits upright in the bed, all but gaping as he stares at the mark on the alpha, “Is that-” he starts, but it can’t be, because the werewolf would’ve healed eventually, “Is that the mark I left on you?”

Derek glances down at it as he walks into the closet and grabs a dress shirt from the rack, “Oh, yeah, it never healed back,” he says as he touches it and smiles to himself before dropping his towel and stepping into a pair of tight boxer briefs.

“Mm,” Stiles hums in awe, unable to stop himself from looking over Derek’s body and taking in all the changes. The older man is bigger now, not really chubby, but it’s difficult for Stiles to make out any muscles in his abdomen. In all honesty, he just looks… so **incredibly** soft, feels that way, too, and he likes his mate like this. It almost takes him by surprise just _how much_ he likes it and if he doesn’t stop looking, the werewolf’s going to know how much he likes it as well.

Derek isn’t surprised by the scent of arousal wafting off his mate, and he tries to keep himself calm. His wolf, which has been more or less dormant for the past five years, is more than pleased that his body is still able to affect Stiles in that way. He steps into a pair of pants, grabbing another belt and finally pulling on his shirt to tuck it in before buttoning up his pants.

“What are you in the mood for?”

“Uh,” Stiles mumbles and licks his lips as he forces himself to look away, “I dunno, you don’t have to cook. If you have cereal I can just eat that.”

Derek walks back into the room, closing the closet door as he pulls on his tie, “Even if I didn’t have to cook for myself, I’d **still** want to cook for you - what are you in the mood for?”

“It’s been a long time since I’ve had your bacon,” Stiles says and shrugs, bones popping as he moves to get up out of the bed, “Do you want me to help you with anything?”

“If you want,” Derek says as he puts on his socks, “But you don’t have to,” he looks at Stiles, eyes running over the younger man and the way his clothes hang off of Stiles. There’s something about seeing his mate in them at all that is more than pleasing to him, “If you wanna change, your clothes are in the closet, they’ll fit you better,” he says before walking into the kitchen to start breakfast.

Stiles considers it for a moment and looks down at what he’s got on, hand running down his chest and stomach as he decides to keep it on for now, he can always change later. Besides, he likes wearing Derek’s things, even if they are huge on him.

He follows after the older man sluggishly, and loosely crosses his arms, “What do you need me to do?”

Derek glances at Stiles as he finishes tying his tie, reaching out to the first fridge and opening it, taking out the bacon and eggs and setting them on the counter as he moves to pull down a couple pans, “You can prepare the eggs if you want,” he says as he sets the pan down and moves to the other fridge, “I’m gonna make you… an omelette.”

“Where do you keep your bowls so I can mix them?” Stiles asks and moves into the kitchen a little more.

Derek motions to the cupboard just to the left of the right fridge, “Forks are in the drawer just below it,” he says as he pulls out the broccoli and a fresh tomato.

Stiles nods and opens the cupboard his mate had motioned to, grabbing a plastic bowl and closing it before grabbing a fork as well. Although he feels slightly out of place, Derek’s presence soothes him somewhat as he cracks the eggs into a bowl and whips it up.

Derek leans close, pouring a bit of milk into the bowl before sprinkling in some salt and grabbing his knife down from it’s case once he’s washed the broccoli and the tomato.

“I missed this,” Stiles admits as he’s mixing the milk and salt in, glancing up at his mate sadly.

“Me too,” Derek says as he slices up the broccoli's into small halves, dropping them into the egg mix as well and looking at Stiles then as he notices that his mate decided to continue wearing his clothes. He smiles and wets his lips as his eyes run over the younger man, “You’re so beautiful.”

Stiles stills at the compliment and narrows his brows at Derek, because he can’t recall ever hearing those words come out of the werewolf’s mouth, “I’m… not,” he decides on finally, “But thank you, I think.”

“Yes you are,” the alpha insists, turning back to slice up the tomato, “I’ve never said it to you, but I should’ve - I should’ve told you every single time I saw you.”

“Maybe then, yeah,” Stiles stirs the mix a little more, just trying to make sure his hand isn’t idle, “But now? I’m-no,” he shakes his head, “I used to actually be healthy and even if I want to be now, I don’t think I’ll ever really look as good as I did before.”

“I didn’t say you looked ‘healthy’,” Derek says and takes the bowl from Stiles then, “I said you’re **beautiful** , you always have been, and that hasn’t changed; whether you’re healthy or not,” he moves to Stiles, lifting the boy’s chin to look him in the eyes, “You’re beautiful, and you’re mine, neither of those will ever change.”

“You’re right about one of those things,” Stiles says, unable to see himself as ‘beautiful’, no matter how hard he tries.

Derek chuckles, “Then I’ll tell you them **both** until you know that I’m right about them,” he says as he reaches up to take down another, larger bowl for his own omelette, “You don’t need to believe it for it to be the truth,” he moves to the stove to start cooking the omelette, setting the pan on the burner and preparing everything before he moves to the sink to open the packages of bacon.

“Was saying what you feel part of your therapy? Stiles asks curiously and pulls down two glasses from the cupboard, moving to take the milk back out, pouring some into both before taking a sip of his own.

“Not exactly,” the alpha says as he slices the bacon into halves and moves back to the stove, “But I **was** told that I assumed you just _knew_ a lot of how I felt, instead of actually saying things I should’ve.”

“So you talk to your therapist about me?” Stiles raises an inquisitive brow, putting the milk back into the fridge before propping his hip against the counter.

“Probably more than I talk about myself,” Derek admits shamelessly and carefully sets the slices of tomato on the left side of the omelette, “It took me about five months of seeing him before I even talked about myself at all.”

Stiles nods slowly and, as much as he wants to ask the alpha what kinds of things he talked to his therapist about, he doesn’t. He does, however, move closer and stop Derek for a moment, reaching up and touching his cheek, turning the older man’s face a little to get his attention.

“I love you,” he says sincerely and urges his mate down as he leans up, kissing the werewolf soundly before pulling back, “I’m gonna go brush my teeth, I’ll be right back.”

Derek nods as he nearly loses feeling in everything below his ears, his cheeks heating as he blinks slowly and watches Stiles, “Okay,” he says as he tries to think straight, his hand dropping to sit down on one of the burners he’s flipped on.

Stiles watches his mate’s reaction curiously and his vision follows Derek’s hand, eyes widening when it sits down on the hot burner, smoke rising almost instantly and he can hear the sizzle, “Jesus Christ, Derek,” he squawks, grabbing the werewolf’s wrist and pulling his hand off of it, “Are you alright?”

Derek narrows his brows and looks down at the marks on his hand as it heals and he shakes his head, “Yeah, I’m fine, I didn’t even notice.”

“I’m aware, that’s why I’m asking if you’re alright,” Stiles points out, “I’m not so worried about your hand, I know you heal.”

“I don’t understand,” Derek responds in confusion, “I’m fine.”

“If you’re fine, then why did you sit your hand down on the burner?” Stiles asks in amusement, “And you’re blushing.”

Derek shrugs, “I didn’t realize I’d done it at all,” the alpha says and leans down to kiss Stiles.

Stiles is about to point out that he knows, but he opts for kissing back instead and it’s the least one-sided kiss they’ve shared since Derek found him. There’s something eerily familiar about it, the way his mate’s lips feel and the way he tastes, but it also kind of feels new all over again, making his heart race as he reaches up to clutch the werewolf’s cheeks in his hands.

Derek wraps his arms around Stiles, kissing back a little more as he whines, hands grabbing at the back of the shirt Stiles is wearing.

The noise Derek makes goes straight to Stiles’s cock and he groans before pulling back, pupils dilated and lips shiny, “Missed that, too,” he says breathlessly as his eyes rake over his mate’s face, “I’m gonna-I need to do the thing with my teeth,” he utters distractedly, “I need to go brush my teeth.”

“You do that,” Derek says breathlessly as he straightens back up and it’s painful to drop his hands from Stiles, his body shaking eagerly as he licks his lips.

“Right,” Stiles nods and he has to force himself to move, “Yeah, okay,” he says to himself and walks out of the kitchen, his entire body aching to just turn around and all but fling himself into the werewolf’s arms.

Derek watches Stiles leave and turns back to the omelette, folding it and turning to prepare his own mixture of eggs as he lets out a shaky breath, his wolf all but furious that he didn’t just jump Stiles then and there. He knows he needs to be respectful, that’s what Stiles asked for - mate or not, there are limitations now, because of everything that’s happened during the past five years.

Stiles brushes his teeth long enough to will his erection away and then rinses, settling everything back into place before he goes back to the kitchen and he’s a little more collected now, even though he still wants to jump Derek. He’s aware that he said he wanted things slow, but it’s difficult taking things slow with someone you love so much.

“Almost done?” he asks suddenly.

“Your’s is,” Derek says as he turns back, setting the plate down at the table before moving back to the stove, “I’m not sure if you’ll like the omelette,” he admits, “But it’s pretty good.”

“Thanks,” Stiles says and sits down, looking the omelette over appreciatively before sectioning himself off a bite.

Derek glances back at Stiles as he pours his own mix into the pan carefully, smiling to himself as he listens to his mate eat and the familiarity of the situation is unusual, because he hasn’t had it in over five years, but it’s nice, “When I come back for lunch, do you want to go out and eat?”

“To be honest, no,” Stiles says as he eats, trying not to groan at how good it is, “I’d rather stay in with you,” he tells the older man.

Derek folds over the first omelette and nods, he can understand the comment completely, he can empathize, “Alright,” he says as he flips the bacon, “There are leftovers from last night, if you get hungry before noon you can just heat them up.”

“Okay,” Stiles says, already more than halfway done with his food and he looks up, “Can you um-would you mind handing me my milk?” he asks, gesturing to where it’s at on the counter.

Derek nods, reaching out for it and bringing it to Stiles, handing it over before returning to the stove, “If you think of anything you need or want, while I’m at work, just call me and I’ll pick it up before I come back.” 

Stiles drinks his milk and then he sits it back down again, finishing off his omelette as he watches Derek, staring at the older man’s backside just because he can, “Okay.”

The alpha finishes cooking his food, making his plates and moving to sit beside Stiles, setting his glass of milk down as he flips his tie over his shoulder, “Did you like the omelette?”

“Yeah,” Stiles smiles and leans over to kiss his mate on the cheek, “Thank you,” he says.

“You’re welcome,” Derek mutters as he sips his milk first, looking down to his food and eating quickly because he knows he’s pressed for time now. He finishes and takes up the plates and cups, putting them in the dishwasher and setting it up before walking out into the main room to get his shoes.

“I’ll miss you today,” Stiles says as he follows, moving to the couch as he watches the alpha and draws his knees up to his chest.

Derek ties his shoes and looks at his mate, “I’ll miss you, too,” he replies as he smiles and leans in to kiss Stiles again, “But I’ll be home for lunch, so it won’t be nearly as bad as it could.”

“I know,” Stiles says softly, touching the facial hair on Derek’s cheek before he tugs on the alpha’s tie for another kiss.

Derek growls low in approval, reaching out to grab the back of the younger man’s neck as he opens his mouth and takes Stiles’s bottom lip between his.

Stiles whimpers against the werewolf’s mouth and kisses back, pulling away before it can get too heated, because just _this_ has him worked up again, “Have a good day, baby.”

The older man leans in to whisper low in Stiles’s ear, “You too, beautiful,” he says before straightening up and moving to the door, grabbing his keys from the stand against the far wall and taking up his coat, “I’ll be back around noon.”

“Okay,” Stiles nods, resting his chin on his knee as he watches Derek, missing the older man already and he’s not even out of the door yet.

* * *

Stiles fights with himself for the better part of two hours over whether or not he should call Derek. He’s finished his other bottle already and just the fact that he’s out makes his bones hurt, forehead sweated as he bites his nails.

Shame weighs heavy on him, more now than it ever has because he doesn’t want Derek to see him like this, to know he’s like this, so dependent on alcohol to get him through the day, but when he starts withdrawing he doesn’t really have another choice.

He goes through the contacts with shaky hands and puts the phone to his ear after he hits the ‘call’ button, closing his eyes as he listens to it ring.

Derek is in the middle of transcribing a file when his phone starts ringing and he glances down to check who’s calling before he pauses and takes off his headset, reaching out for the phone and putting it to his ear, “Stiles.”

“Hey, hi,” Stiles says at once and cards his fingers through his hair as he blows out a breath, “I don’t-I don’t really wanna ask you, but I-I’m just trying to abide by your guidelines and shit, so… Do you think you could bring a six pack or something home?”

Derek narrows his brows at the tone of Stiles’s voice and he frowns in concern, “Is there a particular kind that you’d prefer?” Because he knows absolutely **nothing** about alcohol.

“No,” Stiles tells him and lays his temple down against his knee, “It doesn’t matter, just bring some home when you come home for lunch, please?”

“I will,” the alpha responds at once, glancing at the time, “I’ll take off early, that way you don’t have to wait much longer than you have to.”

“Thank you,” Stiles says in appreciation and wets his lips, thinking that maybe if he tries hard enough he can will his headache away.

Derek nods to himself and leans against the phone, speaking a little lower as an agent walks past him, “Any time, I’m glad you called and asked, Stiles - I’ll be right there. I love you,” he says before hanging up and standing from his seat, leaving the room he’s in and avoiding the look from the agent standing just outside of it.

The alpha arrives at the convenience store just a block away from his loft and, though he doesn’t know what Stiles is wanting, he grabs a _few_ different things around chest height and buys them, ignoring yet **another** unusual look from the woman behind the counter, but she doesn’t say anything. He pays and leaves, walking to the loft as he carries the bags in his arms.

He reaches the elevator, listening to Stiles up on the sixth floor as he waits impatiently and finally is able to unlock the door and slide it open, closing it back up before moving to his mate and setting things down by the bed.

“I wasn’t sure what you wanted, so I got a few things,” he says, “ **Don’t** abuse it, okay? Just what you need, do you understand?”

Stiles tosses the covers off of him slowly, sits up, and there’s a voice in the back of his head saying ‘yeah right’. Part of him wants to agree just to keep the alpha off of his back, but there’s a bigger part of him that really does want his mate’s help.

He stares at Derek for a moment and runs a hand over his face, wiping the sweat off, “I understand, but I will, anyway,” he tells the werewolf honestly, “So… I’ll need you to hide it from me.”

Derek blinks at the admission and he sits down beside Stiles, reaching out to touch the younger man’s hand before he reaches into the bag, taking one of the cans and handing it over, “Thank you for being honest,” he says, and he’s actually kind of surprised that Stiles **was** , but it’s promising.

Stiles’s chin quivers slightly and he moves to his knees to kiss Derek first, touching the werewolf’s neck with his free hand  before sitting back down. He opens the can and the sound causes him to shiver, mouth salivating when the smell of the hops hit his nose and he takes a big drink before sighing.

Derek watches Stiles and leaves two more cans on the bed as he stands back up, “I’m only giving you a set amount until I get home, so you should **try** to hold off with each,” he says as he reaches out to run his hand through Stiles’s hair, “This place doesn’t really have good hiding spots, and beer is normally better cold… so I’ll just put it where you can’t get it,” he smiles to himself as he moves to the large freezer in the kitchen.

Stiles vaguely hears what his mate is saying, he’s too focused on how good the bitter liquid tastes, the alcohol already warming his insides and he tries to take it slow, but he ends up sipping at it almost continuously.

“If you end up having more withdrawl before I get home, you can call me,” the alpha says as he puts his hand on the fingerprint reader on the freezer, holding his breath as he opens it and puts the beer in before closing it, moving back into the main room, “Don’t feel like you need to be embarrassed, or hide it from me, okay?”

“I’m trying not to,” Stiles says, holding the can with both hands as he moves back, resting against the headboard, “I didn’t wanna call you in the first place.”

Derek sits down and moves in close to Stiles, “I’m glad you did,” he says as he watches his mate, “You don’t need to be ashamed with me, I’ll take care of you.”

“You always do,” Stiles says and leans into the werewolf’s side, recalling the numerous times that his mate has taken care of him in the past.

“That’s right,” the alpha responds as he pulls Stiles in close, wrapping his arms around his mate and lets out a huff of breath, “This is a little different than the other times, but you’ll make it through, just the same,” he presses a soft kiss to the top of the other man’s head, “You’ll be fine.”

Stiles clutches the beer tightly in his hand and nuzzles more into Derek’s body heat, even though his entire body is still sweated, “Hope so,” he says, still taking in the surreal-ness of everything.

“I need to make you something,” Derek says and watches his mate, “Have you eaten since breakfast?”

“Uh, no,” Stiles says honestly, “I was going to, I had every intention of making a sandwich or something, guess it just… slipped my mind.”

Derek frowns, running his hand along Stiles’s side before he moves to get back off the bed, “I’ll make you something, but I’d like you to start eating regularly again. If I have to, I’ll call to remind you. I’m not really in short supply of food.”

“It hasn’t been that long since breakfast,” Stiles responds, body already aching from the distance between them, “I can’t just force myself to eat. Well, I mean I could, but I don’t think the outcome would be pretty.”

The alpha nods in understanding and glances back at his mate as he walks into the kitchen, “I don’t want you to force yourself, but if you get hungry, there’s plenty to eat.”

“Yeah, I know,” Stiles says and takes a big drink, grimacing at the taste, “I could always make myself something to eat, I don’t think your lunch is very long so… maybe you should just worry about yourself and then come back in here with me for a little bit.”

Derek lifts a brow at the comment as he moves to the right refrigerator and opens it, grabbing out a few things and setting it all out on the counter, “Have you done anything today? I know you’re probably exhausted but… I do have a TV.”

“I know,” Stiles says and sighs to himself when Derek doesn’t get the picture, all he wants is to spend as much time with his mate as he can, “And no, I haven’t, not really.”

He gets up then, beer can loose in his hand as he wanders into the kitchen, sitting it down on the counter before moving to the werewolf, “Derek,” he says pointedly, turning the alpha around with his hands on the older man’s hips, “Stop worrying so much about me and just spend time **with** me, please?”

Derek looks down at Stiles and then turns back quickly to set the plate down on the table, he reaches out and grabs the younger man’s waist as he leans down to stare his mate in the eyes, “It’s difficult to spend time with you when all I wanna do is touch you.”

Stiles leans up then and kisses Derek, one hand grasping his mate’s shoulder as his other cups the alpha’s cheek, “Then touch me? But you’ve gotta stop putting distance between us, I need to be close to you and if **I** feel it… I know you do to.”

Derek’s already settled on the fact that Stiles is also his, and that the feelings are mutual, but the fact that the younger man actually feels _all_ of it is still a little surprising. He nearly sighs when the younger man kisses him and he smiles sadly, “Okay, but if I touch you, I’m gonna wanna kiss you. And if I kiss you, I’m gonna want more.”

“I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting more,” Stiles says, kissing his mate again, “We’re mates, I think I’d be worried if you **didn’t** want more.”

“I don’t just mean _want_ ,” the alpha mutters as he wraps his arms around Stiles, “I mean I might not be able to help myself, I’ve wanted this for five years, Stiles… it’s difficult to breathe when my arms aren’t around you.”

“Yeah?” Stiles moves in closer and looks up at Derek sincerely, brows somewhat narrowed, “Keep them around me then, I don’t mind.”

Derek swallows tightly because clearly his mate still doesn’t understand what he’s trying to say. It’ll be difficult to be so close to Stiles and **not** just take him, but he might be able to try. He hasn’t really had to test his self restraint in _years_.

[MageStiles](http://magestiles.tumblr.com/)   



	4. Just Humor Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Reference Collection](http://magestiles.tumblr.com/private/74432876674/tumblr_mzxj4kCBxh1rxjbyo) \- [Edits](http://magestiles.tumblr.com/tagged/Blue-Moon-Edits)  
> 
> 
> _ I ask that you please read [THIS](http://magestiles.tumblr.com/private/117854533728/tumblr_nnobonL6kb1rxjbyo) before reading on, even if you've been reading a while, PLEASE read it. _

The alpha lifts Stiles up, leaving the food on the counter, carrying his mate back out to the bed and sitting him back down, keeping his arms firmly around Stiles as he lets out a huff of breath and curls against the smaller man.

Stiles sighs his contentment almost at once and reaches up to touch Derek’s face, he’d probably keep his hands on the alpha twenty-four seven if he could, “I know you weren’t gone long, but I missed you,” he admits, shifting a leg in between the werewolf’s as he kisses his mate.

Derek kisses back almost desperately, hands grabbing at Stiles’s shirt as he smiles in contentment, “Me too, I thought work couldn’t get any worse…”

“I’m probably gonna have to call you a lot,” Stiles says and the fervor in the older man’s kisses makes him groan weakly, “At least until I get used to this whole… you being gone all day thing.”

“I don’t like it,” Derek admits at once, dropping his face to rest against Stiles’s neck as he scents his mate and growls low in the back of his throat, “It was easy when there was nothing to come home to. I don’t do much else.”

Stiles reaches up and brushes his fingers through Derek’s hair, tilting his head and offering his neck a little more for the alpha, “We’ll get a handle on it eventually,” he insists quietly, knee shifting slightly between Derek’s thighs.

“ ** _Stiles_** ,” the older man growls louder and reaches down to still his mate’s leg as he swallows and looks into the younger man’s eyes, “Careful.”

“I didn’t mean to,” Stiles says honestly, lips pressed into a firm line, “I’m sorry.”

Derek leans in and kisses him, “It’s okay, it’s just difficult enough - all I wanna do is hold you down and knot you - but then you do something like that,” he smiles slightly and pulls Stiles even closer, “I only have **so** much control.”

“For what it’s worth,” Stiles starts and tentatively touches the side of Derek’s neck, watching the way his fingers splay out across the skin before meeting the alpha’s eyes, “I want you to,” he admits, “I just-I think I need time for all of this to fully sink in. I think I’m worried I’m gonna wake up and all of this’ll just have been a really nice dream or something.”

Derek chuckles and shakes his head, “You dream of overweight omega alpha werewolves that work in a tiny room full of nothing but paper? That’s what you’ve managed to come up with?”

“You’re not overweight,” Stiles says at once without missing a beat, looking his mate over appreciatively, “You look good, and I mean… _good_ , so… yeah, I don’t see why I wouldn’t dream of it.”

“Right,” the alpha says and lays down completely, pulling Stiles against him as he looks up at the roof of the loft, “It could be worse,” he shrugs, “But if you don’t mind it, then that’s fine, I don’t either. But you should hear some of the things the people at the bureau say about me **now** , if you thought it was bad in California.”

“One thing I’ve learned over the years is that people are gonna talk, and the people who do generally have nothing else better to do with their lives,” Stiles says, smoothing a hand over the alpha’s chest, “They’re probably just angry they’re not getting your huge alpha dick, yeah.”

Derek laughs at the comment and gives Stiles an amused look, “I doubt that’s it,” he says, even as he smiles, “People like to talk, that’s what **I’ve** learned. Either way, no matter what I look like, or whether they call me a murderer, or an asshole, or all the amusing things they call me now, I can still rip them in half if I wanted to.”

He watches his mate knowingly, “And as long as you don’t think any of those things, I’m perfectly fine. It’s never made much of a difference to me before,” he lies, and covers Stiles’s hand with his own, “It’s not like it’ll change.”

“It won’t,” Stiles agrees and laces his fingers with Derek’s, “So… just let people think what they wanna think. You got me and I don’t think any of those things about you. I mean, there was a long time where I thought you were an asshole, for leaving me, but it’s-that’s in the past.”

“I thought the same,” Derek says as he runs his hand down Stiles’s back, “I spent that whole day at work trying to think of how I’d be able to say those things to you without apologizing right after or… Or just not being able to go through with it.”

“You definitely hit the right buttons,” Stiles tells him quietly and leans up a little to look at Derek, “But I knew that it wasn’t you. Obviously it **was** you, but the words, the way you acted, none of that was.”

“I think if it’d happened before we were mated, before everything between us started becoming more intimate, you **might’ve** believed it was me,” Derek says and smiles to himself, “But after everything, the blind man should’ve known that we knew one another too well at that point. I don’t know _how_ strong he is, but I would’ve fought him if he hadn’t threatened you as well.”

“I don’t think I would’ve wanted you to,” Stiles says, “Because if he’s stronger than you, then he could’ve killed you and I think-that would’ve been worse.”

Derek listens to the words, but he doesn’t necessarily agree with them, “You’d rather I be spineless, and give in to what he wanted? You’d prefer that?”

“If it means you being alive,” Stiles shrugs, “You’re damn right I prefer it. The distance hurt, yeah, I can’t deny that,” he says, sitting up then and moving to straddle Derek’s waist so that he can look down at him seriously, “But if you were dead… it probably would’ve killed me, too.”

Derek stares up at Stiles, his hands on the younger man’s sides as he tries to remain calm, “So what do we do now? Stay in New York for the rest of our lives? Hope that he doesn’t come and kill us both, regardless? If I go back, he’ll know, and I’m… less than I was.”

“We could stay here for a while, at least until we’ve got a plan, you know?” Stiles leans down as his hands smooth along the older man’s chest, pressing a light kiss to the werewolf’s jaw, “You’ve got Scott, too.”

“I’d need a bigger pack,” Derek says and shakes his head, “If I want to stand a chance against him - and I don’t even know _how_ strong he is. Not only that, but if he does come here, after you get better, and I put a pup in you, if he comes before we’re even **slightly** prepared, I’ll lose more than just you.”

“You’re on the pup thing again?” Stiles asks, because he doesn’t know why Derek keeps mentioning it when he knows it’s such a sore topic for him, “Baby, we’ve been over this, like a million fucking times. I can’t have your pups, I’m sans uterus.”

“For now,” Derek says as he sits up, one hand holding Stiles’s waist as the other moves to touch his mate’s belly, “But once you’re clean, and healthy, it’s gonna happen. It’s all I can think about.”

“Derek,” Stiles sighs and just talking about it has his eyes watering, “I’m not just gonna grow all of the necessary equipment, okay? I want to, **God do I want to** , but it doesn’t change the fact that I’m not a chick.”

Derek looks into the younger man’s eyes, “I’m not delusional, Stiles. I know you’re a man, and I know that **that** won’t change. That’s not my intent,” he leans in close, kissing his mate and rubbing his palm over Stiles’s stomach as he whispers softly, “I can make it happen, I have the means to do it, now.”

“What do you mean?” Stiles asks softly and reaches up, wrapping his arms around Derek’s neck as he tries to shift impossibly closer, kissing the alpha back, “What does that mean?”

“I told you before, baby,” Derek says as he looks at the younger man, “I told you that I wouldn’t be surprised if a mage, of some sort, had found a way to make it happen, it was just a matter of finding one that could do it, and I did.”

“You did?” Stiles asks incredulously and his voice is no higher than a whisper, heart racing as he stares at Derek.

The alpha nods, “Yeah, I did. Not too long after I started here, either. I’ve had them for five years, just in case you came back to me.”

“Y-You’ve had what?” Stiles asks, suddenly a lot more interested, “What is it? And where are they?” he continues, eyes darting around the loft then.

Derek glances towards the kitchen, “In the freezer, that’s where I keep anything that I don’t want to ruin **if** I shift during the full moon,” he explains, “It’s a small potion, and I have _twenty_.”

“Twenty,” Stiles repeats numbly, looking back to Derek then as he searches his mate’s face, “Twenty?” he asks, “Was that just the amount that was given to you or is that like, a roundabout way of saying you want me to pump out twenty of your pups?”

Derek chuckles, “I’m not opposed to twenty pups, though you **are** liable to have more than one, every time,” the alpha admits, “But the mage I met that made it only makes them in a set amount. He does it for a price, normally, and he only does it once every ten years. It’s… an interesting story.”

Stiles doesn’t particularly care about the story, he’s more interested in the fact that they can actually have children together now, “Mhm,” he hums vaguely, “A-And I need to be… better, before we do this, yeah?”

“I don’t want you **drinking** while you’re pregnant,” the alpha says firmly, “And I know that’s difficult, you’re bad right now, but once you get up to something similar to what you were before, we’ll conceive. And not a second sooner. I’d prefer you to not be going through withdrawl so much, either, that could be dangerous.”

“I’ll get better,” Stiles says in determination then, because as dependent as he is on the alcohol right now, he’s never really wanted anything as badly as he wants a family with Derek.

Derek grins at the tone of his mate’s voice and he pulls Stiles close, wrapping his arms back around the smaller man, “I’d conceive myself, but I’ve gotta work - and I’m big enough now as it is.”

“I wanna conceive for you, anyway,” Stiles says and smiles, hugging the alpha and pressing a kiss to his mate’s cheek, “I wanna give you pups.”

Derek growls low in approval, frowning as his wolf responds as well, his length hardening and he shifts Stiles off of him a little, “When you’re healthy. But it’s gonna happen.”

Stiles frowns slightly when Derek shifts him some and he moves back, not allowing the alpha to put distance between them, “Yeah,” he agrees, “And I’m thinking you should just-you should keep me knocked up, constantly,” he says, pressing a chaste kiss to the werewolf’s lips.

“I should?” Derek asks as he lifts a brow, trying to will his cock back down, “I’m not opposed to it, but your family and friends, and if you plan to start work again some time in the future, it could be difficult if I kept putting pups in you.”

“Just humor me, yeah?” Stiles smiles wider and mindlessly reaches down to touch his stomach, “Let me dream a little.”

“Keep it up, and it won’t **be** a dream,” Derek says as he covers Stiles’s hand with his own, leaning in to scent his mate’s neck and he narrows his brows when the alarm on his watch starts to go off, which means he needs to leave soon.

“You should just ignore it,” Stiles says and leans into his mate, guessing that the alarm has something to do with Derek going back to work, “Ditch work, stay here with me.”

“If I don’t go now, it won’t be any easier to do again tomorrow,” the alpha mutters as he holds Stiles as close as he can, breathing him in deeper, “I have to, Stiles. I have to go back to work.”

“I know,” Stiles whines, tightening his arms around the werewolf’s neck, “Fuck, I know, I’m just-I really missed you, so… don’t expect me to ever stop trying to get you to stay, ‘cause it’s not gonna happen.”

“It’s just as bad for me,” Derek says softly, laying Stiles back on the bed and settling atop him for a moment as he grabs the back of the younger man’s head, fingers curling in Stiles’s hair as he kisses his mate heatedly.

“Mm,” Stiles hums in approval and kisses back, grasping at the alpha’s broad shoulders as he mindlessly spreads his legs some to welcome Derek’s hips.

Derek whines in the back of his throat at how willing Stiles is and it takes everything he has not to arch his hips down, or drop his hand to the younger man’s cock. Instead, he pulls back, all but shaking as he looks at Stiles apologetically, his face red as he clears his throat and stands up, “I’ve gotta go, I’ll be back in six hours.”

“Right,” Stiles breathes out and props himself up onto his elbows, looking Derek over shamelessly, “Six hours, no biggie,” he says dryly, reaching down to shift his length into a more comfortable position.

“Right,” Derek agrees as he stares back at Stiles, already feeling like it’s been **far** too long without his mate, and he moves to the kitchen to put the things away that he’d pulled out for lunch, trying to push back his needs and wants for what he **has** to do.

“I could call you again later,” Stiles says from where he’s still sprawled out on the mattress, staring up at the ceiling and the rafters, “Maybe it won’t be so bad that way.”

Derek nods to himself as he moves back into the room, fixing his tie and reaching out to pick up his coat from the side of the bed, “I’ll switch over to paperwork when I get back,” he says as he lets out a huff of breath, “I love you.”

Stiles rests his hand on his stomach and rolls his head to the side, smiling up at the alpha, “I love you, too, big guy.”

Derek swallows and doesn’t bother moving to kiss Stiles or hug him again because it was painful enough to do the first time, and if he goes back for more he might not actually leave. He pulls on his coat, grabbing his keys from his pocket as he moves to the door and lets himself out.

* * *

All Stiles can think about is sex, especially when Derek’s not home. Granted he thinks about it an omega fuck-ton when the older man **is** home, but other than sleeping, watching TV, eating, and drinking his beer, he’s got nothing else to occupy his thoughts when his mate is away.

It wouldn’t be so bad if things weren’t progressing so slowly between them. He gets that this is what he asked for, but part of him just wants Derek to say Hell with it and jump him. The kissing, the touching, the closeness - all of it makes him want more, more of what he’s currently not getting. So he decides to handle it himself and jacks off to thoughts of the older man while he’s showering.

It’s not enough, which isn’t really surprising, so before lunch he pulls himself off again while he lies on the bed and imagines his stomach being swollen with his mate’s pups. Which, in hindsight, is probably fucking weird, but whatever.

Even after the second time he still feels… unsatisfied, and he knows that it’s because it’s his hand bringing him off, not Derek’s. He makes lunch, though, and hopes that the need will subside. And of course, when it doesn’t, he rubs another one out in the kitchen after he loads the dishwasher.

By the time it starts actually getting dark out, he’s come at least seven times and he feels wrung out, because even when he was a teenager, he never abused his dick so much. He considers going for an eighth, but decides against it and curls up onto the couch, waiting as patiently as possible for his mate to get home.

As nice as it’d been to come home during lunch the first day, Derek and Stiles quickly figure out that it doesn’t help much. The calls are nice, but also inconvenient when the alpha has to transcribe things, so he spends some time after work one day, going out and adding a second phone to his plan, that way they can at **least** text when he’s too busy to talk physically.

He walks back home, narrowing his brows because it’s so dark already and the alpha frowns at the strong scent of arousal that he smells as he nears the building. He becomes concerned at once because he told Stiles not to leave the building and the younger man had **seemed** to agree and understand.

Derek scents the air and winces at it, _strong_ , but he can hear his mate’s heart beat from the sixth floor and he tries not to be so concerned.

The alpha steps into the elevator, hitting the ‘6’ and as he goes up, the smell gets stronger and stronger, almost overwhelming him… and then he unlocks the door and slides it open, his nostrils burning and his length hardening at once as he glances around the room.

“ _ **Stiles**_ ,” he all but growls.

Stiles pokes his head up from the couch and looks in Derek’s general direction, slightly bleary-eyed because he’d just been about to doze off, “Yeah, baby?”

Derek walks into the room, closing and locking the door behind himself as he takes off his coat, leaving his keys on the small table by the door before walking past the bed, glancing at it, the strong scent of his mate’s seed all _over_ it, and then he looks back at Stiles, “What the Hell have you been doing all day?”

“Um,” Stiles pulls his knees up closer to his chest and scratches the back of his head, “Not a whole lot, to be honest. I’ve been watching TV, I showered, slept some, stuffed my face - nothing out of the ordinary.”

“Nothing out of the ordinary?” Derek asks as the hairs on the back of his neck stand up, “The entire loft smells like a _Stiles-scented brothel_ ,” he eyes his mate warily, “What _else_ have you been doing today?”

Stiles narrows his brows and grunts as he sits up, “I might have jacked off once or twice,” he responds, watching the alpha.

Derek lets out a huff of breath and rolls his eyes, “A couple times…” he repeats, and it’s clearly a lie, but he doesn’t bother calling Stiles out on it. He takes his cell phone from the coffee table and hands Stiles the bag in his hand, “I got you a phone.”

“Awesome,” Stiles says, taking the bag and pulling the box out, looking over the phone’s features, “I feel like I need to get a job, I don’t want people to think you’re just like a… a sugar daddy or something.”

“You’re my mate,” Derek responds and shrugs, “And you don’t need to, you’re getting better and then you’re getting pregnant, a job is the last thing you need - we’ll worry about that later.”

“If you say so,” Stiles says and grins, pulling the phone from the box to activate it, “How was work? I know I’ve asked you like, at least three times today already, but still.”

“Boring,” Derek mutters shortly and reaches up to touch the back of Stiles’s neck because if he doesn’t alleviate some of the ache _somehow_ , he’s likely to explode, or force himself on his mate and he knows that’s not what would be the best for their relationship just yet, “Boring without you.”

Stiles grins and looks up at the alpha, reaching up to tug his mate down beside him by his belt loops, “I missed you, too,” he says, burrowing in close to the werewolf’s side as he turns the phone on.

Derek smiles slowly as he tries to ignore the obnoxiously insistent boner he has because of the scent of the room and it doesn’t help that he can feel his knot swell slightly as well, pre-come smearing against the front of his boxer briefs as he runs his his fingers along Stiles’s skin, up into his hair, “It’s the same as mine.”

“Yeah, I’m starting to get as much,” Stiles says and whimpers softly at the fingers in his hair, tossing the new phone and it’s box aside to nuzzle even closer to his mate, “God, I missed you.”

Derek leans down to scent Stiles’s neck, opening his mouth and running his tongue along the younger man’s skin, “Me too,” he grumbles as he grabs at Stiles’s shirt.

“Oh, **okay** ,” Stiles’s voice raises an octave or two and his eyes widen, skin prickling with goosebumps as he touches the alpha’s shoulder, “That’s-that’s nice.”

Derek can barely breathe, mouth watering and he tries to swallow the lump forming in his throat, his hands shaking as he drops one quickly, grabbing Stiles’s leg in his fist and yanking his mate into his lap. He licks Stiles again, dragging his teeth down the other man’s neck.

“Holy shit,” Stiles utters in a gust of breath, his own length twitching when he feels how hard Derek is, “You’re-that’s… your dick is **really** hard,” he points out lamely, hands reaching up and twisting into the werewolf’s hair.

“Yeah,” Derek mutters in agreement, his chest heaving as he turns to Stiles’s ear, “ _I could smell you from downstairs_ ,” he says, voice low and husky as he grabs Stiles’s hips and pulls them down as much as he can without hurting his mate.

“I didn’t do it to make you get like this,” Stiles tells him, dropping his forehead to the alpha’s shoulder as he rolls his hips of his own accord then, “I didn’t-I didn’t even think about it, about the fact that you can smell it. I’m sorry.”

Derek gasps sharply when Stiles shifts and he licks at the skin under the younger man’s ear, “I’m trying not to push, but you don’t make this easy, baby,” he says as he drags his dull nails down his mate’s leg, “You smell amazing.”

“You feel amazing,” Stiles responds, his body all but vibrating from the older man’s touch as he tilts his head and mouths at the side of Derek’s neck, “Do you think-should we stop?” he asks, pulling his mouth from the skin to look his mate in the eyes, “We **should** stop, yeah?”

“Should,” the alpha says and his body tenses at the thought of pulling away from his mate, he just wants to hold Stiles down and pop his knot into his boy already, he doesn’t want to fucking **wait** any more, “ _ **Stiles**_ ,” he growls as his voice changes and his claws grow out.

“I know,” Stiles says and scratches his nails throughout Derek’s hair, cock throbbing in the confines of his pants as he looks his mate in the eyes, “Neither one of us are thinking with a clear head right now, though,” he says, eyes flitting down to the alpha’s lips before he kisses him, gasping against the older man’s mouth when he feels the claws.

“ _ **I can’t**_ , _ **Stiles**_ ,” Derek turns his head away, pushing his mate off his lap and back onto the couch as he turns, grabbing the arm of the chair and crushing it in his fist as a tremor runs through him. He hasn’t even shifted at all in over four years, the idea of actually doing it makes him nervous.

Stiles frowns and reaches out to touch Derek’s forearm, “Are you okay?” he asks, eyes darting down to where the alpha ruined the end of the couch.

Derek shakes his head as he stands up and moves to the bathroom, “I’m not, I need to get away from you for a second.”

“Okay,” Stiles nods in understanding and fights the urge to follow after his mate.

Derek closes the bathroom door behind himself, resting his hands on the sides of the sink as he tries to breathe calmly - it doesn’t help, everything he can smell is Stiles, Stiles’s fucking arousal, and his seed, and Derek can taste his mate on his tongue. He hasn’t been this bad in years, but then again he hasn’t really done a single thing in years, either. He watches the hair grow out on the backs of his hands and scratches at it to try and get it to stop before it **really** gets out of hand.

Stiles gets up after a few minutes and opens a few windows, unsure of whether or not it’ll actually help. He moves to the bathroom door next and knocks softly, pressing his ear to it, “Baby?”

Derek runs his hand over his face as he manages to finally calm himself down enough - his wolf isn’t happy, none of him really is, but it’s better than shifting. Chances are if he does he might fall through the floor or break **everything** , “Mhm,” he says numbly, “I’m… I’m okay.”

“Okay,” Stiles says and takes a step back, frowning at the door before moving back to the couch, “Good,” he mumbles to himself.

The alpha finally straightens up completely, pulling his tie loose from his shirt and he undoes the first couple buttons so that he can actually breathe before walking out of the bathroom and joining Stiles on the couch once more, “I’m sorry about that,” he mutters, taking Stiles back in his arms and letting out a huff of breath.

“It was my fault, don’t apologize,” Stiles says, content to be close to the older man once more, “I didn’t even think-I dunno, slow is what we need, but it’s difficult when I want you so badly.”

“Mhm,” the alpha hums in agreement as he lays Stiles back on the couch, settling against him and letting out a shaky breath, “It’s just as bad as your addiction - I almost shifted on the sixth floor.”

“It’s been so long since I’ve seen you like that,” Stiles says and brushes the pad of his forefinger down the slope of Derek’s nose, “I miss it, I missed all of you.”

Derek chuckles and leans into Stiles’s touch, “I haven’t seen me like that in a while either. I miss it, too.”

“Why haven’t you shifted?” Stiles asks softly and presses a kiss to the corner of Derek’s mouth.

“Lots of reasons, I guess,” Derek says at first and shrugs, “In the beginning I tried not to because every time I shifted it reminded me of _why_ I was sent to New York in the first place; I felt guilty. Afterwards, I didn’t because of what was happening at work, I didn’t want to slip up - because I had to go to work on moon days as well. And then, I stopped altogether for… obvious reasons.”

“After things… get back to normal again, maybe you should,” Stiles says, “Shift, I mean. It’s gotta bother you, keeping that side of yourself locked up like that.”

“It’s like holding in a sneeze for five years,” Derek confirms as he turns to brush his nose against Stiles’s cheek, “I thought it was bad enough keeping things in secret in California, that **that** was considered keeping myself locked up - it pales in comparison.”

“I don’t want you to hold it back anymore,” Stiles tells his mate then, “If you feel the need to shift, for whatever reason, then shift - so long as you’re here with me.”

Derek brushes his lips along Stiles’s skin, “It’s probably for the best that I don’t,” he says softly, “I’m not sure how big I am in that form now - I was big enough before.”

Stiles sighs weakly, “Well, I can’t force you, obviously, but just… just know that I’d prefer for you to shift if the urge occurs.”

“I’m aware,” the alpha says, grinning to himself, “I know you were fond of it, and even the _Henty_ before me - I know you like it.”

Stiles chuckles at the mispronunciation, but he doesn’t bother correcting Derek. He kisses his mate instead, fingers scratching just behind the alpha’s ear, “Yeah, I do.”

Derek growls lowly as he tilts his head into the touch and, though he’d had himself under control before, he can already feel the excitement building back up in more than one way, “I looked it up at some point, a couple years ago.”

Stiles grins wide at the admission and leans up, pressing his lips to the alpha’s ear, “You ever get off to it?” he asks lowly.

“Yeah,” Derek admits, heart racing as he runs a hand down Stiles’s side, “It’s not quite the same as having you rutting down on my knot, but the imagery is nice.”

“Mm, God that’s hot,” Stiles says and drops his head back down against the cushions, “You do realize that if we don’t stray away from this topic and sometime soon, the-the unresolved sexual tension between us is just gonna build and build until neither one of us can think straight - and then we’re both gonna snap and we’ll be all over one another. So… dinner?”

“Yeah,” the alpha agrees and sits back up, shifting the front of his pants and standing, “Are you in the mood for anything in particular?”

“Something with a short prep time,” Stiles says as he stands up as well, “Like, seriously short. I’d even be okay with sandwiches.”

Derek lifts a brow in confusion, “You’re that hungry?”

“I’m pretty famished, yeah,” Stiles nods and shrugs, because it’s not like he’s been starving himself, “What do you want?”

“Food, I’m never particular,” Derek responds and pauses long enough to bend down and take off his shoes, “I can make you something quick to hold you over for dinner, if you want?”

“Why?” Stiles asks, “Gotta go big? Can’t just… gorge on sandwiches with me?” he snorts then, “You’d probably go through a whole loaf of bread.”

“Two on a good day,” Derek admits, “That’s **why** I go big, gorging on sandwiches is probably not the best thing for me.”

Stiles smiles and looks the older man over, “I thought ice cream wasn’t so good for you either, but I noticed both of the freezers above the refrigerator are pretty much stocked full of it.”

“You turned to alcohol, I turned to ice cream,” Derek says, as if it excuses him at **all** , “I don’t eat it all in one go - not like I did before…” he moves to wrap his arms around Stiles’s waist, lifting him up and carrying him into the kitchen, “It’s not the same, there’s something about eating **that** much mayonnaise at once that shouldn't sit with a guy.”

Stiles chuckles again and tightens his legs around Derek, hands holding his mate’s neck, “I only had three beers today,” he tells the older man then, because he wants the werewolf to know how determined he is about this baby business.

Derek hums in approval and leans in to whisper in Stiles’s ear, “Keep it up and you’ll have a pup in you before this year’s over.”

Stiles smiles wide and turns his head to look his mate in the eyes, “That’s the idea,” he says, kissing Derek softly.

“Mm, _good_ ,” the alpha says as he sets Stiles down on the counter, running his palms down his mate’s thighs, “So did you want a snack?”

Stiles urges the older man closer with the heels of his feet, pulling Derek flush against him for a moment, “I can make myself a sandwich, worry about you, you’re the one who needs a big meal, not me.”

“No, but you do need to eat,” Derek responds as he smirks at his mate, “You need to get back up to where you were before - even then, you could’ve stood to run a little,” he teases his mate, “But I guess I had an advantage there, no matter what. You kept on getting injured, so that didn’t help. Maybe we can do something on the weekends…”

[MageStiles](http://magestiles.tumblr.com/)   



	5. The Temper Tantrum

“I’m already nothing but bones, Derek,” Stiles points out, “If I start running or working out, I’m liable to wither away to nothing.”

Derek pulls back to move to the fridge, “I didn’t mean something that serious, yet. We’ll get to that point, but you do need to keep walking, even around the loft - it’s New York, walking anywhere outside is liable to stress you out; it stresses me out,” he sets the meat on the counter, moving to the sink to wash his hands, “I don’t even know what the gyms are like here, if that wasn’t obvious.”

“I’ll walk around the loft,” Stiles says, if only to appease his mate and then he furrows his brows, watching Derek curiously, “Is this-are you self conscious now, or what?” he asks, because the older man keeps referring to his weight in a negative light.

“Not particularly,” Derek responds as he takes the meat from the counter, washing it thoroughly, “I find it amusing,” he admits, trying to explain it the way he had to his therapist, “I’ve been thin my **entire** life, until this point. I like it, but I think the main reason I like it isn’t something you’d expect.”

“Humor me,” Stiles says and although he’s listening to Derek, he really can’t be blamed if his eyes rake down over the swell of his mate’s ass.

Derek smirks as he sets the meat on the large slab of marble on the other side of the sink before reaching out to grab his knife, “As an alpha werewolf, I just like being bigger. The fact that I’m bigger than… practically anyone that isn’t an actual giant is pleasing,” he shrugs, “I’m not against it, but it **is** new, and it’s hard not to comment on it.”

“Well,” Stiles sighs and licks his lips, “I, for one, like it. Your ass was amazing before, but it’s kinda incredible now - I keep wanting to touch it.”

“I wouldn’t complain,” Derek says as he lifts his brows, “Can you preheat the oven for three hundred and seventy-five?” he asks and rinses off his left hand quickly before reaching out for a few seasonings, “It’s unusual how we went in opposite directions.”

“Yeah,” Stiles agrees and leans to preheat the oven, sitting back upright, “I didn’t really have much weight to lose in the first place, and yet here I am. I probably weigh like, a hundred and fifteen, a hundred and twenty wet - I look sick.”

“Picking you up before was like lifting a cup,” the alpha remarks, “Now it’s more like… lifting my arm, you don’t weigh a thing,” he looks at Stiles, his eyes running over his mate’s body, “You’re still beautiful, I’d still knot you in a second.”

“I hope so,” Stiles says and smiles, “When we do, though, you might wanna take it easy on me. I was fragile before, yeah, but I’m like… so frail, now. It’s not even funny.” He snorts, “Your dick might actually rip me in half.”

Derek narrows his brows at the comment and he finishes seasoning the meat, moving back to the sink to wash his hands once more, “We’ll take it slow, especially when I knot you - like the first time, I’ll get a few things to make it easier on you.”

“And go through that plug torture again? No way,” Stiles shakes his head, “I was horny constantly with those things shoved up in me.”

Derek moves to Stiles, setting his hands on the counter on either side of his mate as he stares down at Stiles, “‘ _Yes way_ ’,” he responds like the younger man had, “You’ll do it, and you’ll like it, and if you don’t then I won’t knot you again,” he leans in close, lips ghosting over his mate’s, “And I’d **really** like to knot you, I’m sure you want it just as bad.”

“Fine,” Stiles says, leaning in to press a quick kiss to Derek’s lips, “But you better be prepared to deal with the repercussions, a.k.a a very horny and **very** needy Stiles.”

“By that point, I imagine we’d be involved,” the alpha says as he moves back and shrugs, “You act like dealing with you then would be something I wouldn’t want to _take care of_ ,” he watches Stiles knowingly, “It’s a non issue.”

“Okay,” Stiles responds and stares back, “Maybe you should look into getting the plugs pretty soon,” he says vaguely, smiling at the alpha.

Derek swallows tightly at the thought of working a plug into Stiles, how it’d been the first time around, “Do you wanna go with me, or would you rather I do it alone?”

“Doesn’t matter, baby,” Stiles says, “Do you want me to go with you?”

Derek places the meat carefully in the oven before grabbing the bag of potatoes from behind Stiles, “I went on my own last time, I don’t mind doing it again. Unless… you wanna pick up something else, too; something specific.”

“I asked if you wanted me to go with you, not if you minded doing it alone again,” Stiles raises his brows at the older man, “You don’t wanna set me loose in a sex shop, you really don’t.”

“I’d like to go with you,” Derek admits, washing the potatoes, “If you think me going in there on my own is any better, you’re likely wrong.”

“Are you easily excited over toys and shit?” Stiles asks, “Because I’m pretty sure that’ll be me, I’ll probably want everything.”

“I don’t look around much,” Derek says mindlessly as he looks back down. The last time he did, he ended up doing more or less just what Stiles thinks he would, “I’m up for getting you a few things, if you want.”

“Okay,” Stiles nods in approval, “It’ll be like an IOU, I can pay you back with blowjobs and pups or something.”

Derek rolls his eyes, “Or it could be like you’re my mate and it doesn’t make a difference either way, because we’re stuck with one another for the rest of our lives.”

Stiles grins and weakly wags a finger in Derek’s direction, “Believe it or not, I even missed that. Never thought I’d miss your eye rolling.”

“I guess you missed it when I rolled my eyes at you as I was carrying you to the loft,” Derek says, grabbing Stiles’s wrist and pulling him into a quick kiss, “I know what you mean, though.”

“Mm,” Stiles hums and reaches up quickly, grabbing Derek by the nape of his neck so he can’t pull away and he tugs his mate into another kiss, “Guess I wasn’t exaggerating when I said I missed all of you.”

Derek nods in understanding, deciding to force out the next part because he knows he needs to, “When I’m at work, at least half of the time I expect you to run your foot up my pants leg under the desk.”

Stiles reaches up with both hands and cups the older man’s cheeks, brows furrowed as he stares his mate in the eyes, “Maybe we’ll work together again someday,” he says, because he misses it, too.

“Neither of us ever really fit as FBI,” Derek responds, moving close as he stares back at Stiles, “It’s a nice fantasy, but it’s nothing like it is in TV shows. We could always do something else, though, we have more than enough experience to get into something similar.”

“It’s definitely something to give more thought to,” Stiles agrees, fingers moving against his mate’s scruff, “We’ll figure something out.”

* * *

After dialing Derek’s number, Stiles presses the phone to his ear and relaxes against the mattress, free hand rubbing lazy circles against his stomach as he waits for the older man to pick up.

Derek glances up from his paperwork as his phone vibrates across the desk and he snatches it up before anyone can complain. Over the past week, they’ve gotten used to Derek actually receiving calls, and though he’s alone most of the time, people do often walk past him; and it’s a little more obvious when he’s on his cell phone.

He unlocks it and answers quickly, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m okay,” Stiles responds at once and smiles, hiking his right leg up some by shifting his foot along the mattress, “Just really wanted to talk to you. Are you really busy?”

“The FBI is always busy with paperwork, you know that better than anyone else,” Derek answers somewhat flatly, “But I’m so busy I might as well be not doing a thing, do you need something? Are you going through withdrawal?”

“No, baby,” Stiles tells his mate honestly, which is surprising because he’s down to at least two a day - he figured the decrease would bother him more than it has, “I told you, I just wanted to talk to you. I miss you when you’re at work,” his fingers trail up under his shirt and his breath hitches slightly, thumb brushing down along his happy trail.

Derek narrows his brows at the sound of his mate’s voice as he reaches back down to continue writing, “I miss you, too,” he says softly, glancing around.

“Yeah?” Stiles asks and mindlessly dips his fingertips under the hem of his pajama bottoms, considering he hardly goes anywhere, he’s allowed to wear them all day if he wants, “Wish you were here, then maybe it’d be your hand wrapping around my cock and not my own.”

Derek blinks in confusion and for a second he’s not sure he heard correctly, “What?” he asks as his cheeks heat.

They haven’t gotten _that_ far, as much as he’s known. Sure, every time he comes home the entire loft smells like Stiles has literally humped against every object in it at least twice, and they sometimes get a little carried away, but nothing more than accidental rubbing has really happened.

Stiles gasps softly and draws his loose fist down his length, squeezing the base for a moment before drawing back up, thumb sweeping across the tip, “I said: ‘maybe it’d be your hand wrapping around my cock and not my own’.”

“ _Are you drunk?_ ” Derek asks and it probably shouldn’t be a question because chances are Stiles is, if he’s acting like this. He swallows and looks around again, standing up from his desk and moving to the door to lock it, hopefully no one will bother him or cut through the room.

“I’ve had two beers today, Derek,” Stiles responds and pulls his hand back long enough to push his pajamas down, kicking them away from him before taking his length back up again, “I’m pretty well sober, can’t a guy just want to call his significant other while he’s touching himself?”

“I- _yes_ ,” the alpha’s wolf all but hisses out before he can and he growls, “But I’m at work, Stiles,” he tries to collect himself as his entire body flushes red, “You’re touching yourself?”

“Mhm,” Stiles hums, tilting his head up some to look down at his cock, “I’m so hard,” he says softly, “You should see it, pre-come leaking everywhere. I keep thinking about your big hands, all over me, touching me, jerking me off.”

Derek groans at the younger man’s words, “ _Stiles_ ,” he says as he feels his cock harden up almost at once. As much as he knows he should hang up, or try to convince Stiles to talk about something else, his wolf all but shoves into the driver’s seat and it’s like he can’t stop himself, even if he wanted to, “ _ **Is this your first time touching yourself today?**_ ”

“Yeah,” Stiles admits and smears the pre-come down along his shaft, drawing in a sharp breath at the sensation.

“ _ **What are you thinking about? Say it again**_ ,” Derek says firmly as he continues to glance around him before reaching down to rub his palm against the front of his pants, “ _ **Tell me what’s got you worked up**_.”

“You,” Stiles replies honestly, stroking himself slowly, “Everything about you, but-God, Derek, _your hands_.” He reaches down with his other hand, pinning the phone between his cheek and shoulder as he reaches past his balls to tease his hole, “Really want your fingers in me right now.”

Derek swallows tightly, reaching up suddenly to tug at his collar as he licks his lips, “ _ **They’re big**_ , _ **huh?**_ ” he asks rhetorically, “ _ **Do you think about them in you a lot while I’m at work?**_ ”

“All the time, yeah,” Stiles responds, brushing the pad of his finger in lazy swirls around his rim, “I think about your fingers spreading me open and I think about your tongue, your dick, specifically your knot - can’t wait ‘til you knot me.”

“ _ **I think about it**_ , _**too**_ ,” Derek admits shamelessly, unbuckling his belt as he tries to speak calmly, “ _ **About my fingers inside of you**_ , _**my hand holding you down while I fuck them into you**_.”

“Oh God,” Stiles gasps and sinks his finger in, Derek’s voice causing him to shudder weakly as his other hand stills on his length for a moment, “I could probably come just from that, just having your fingers in me.”

Derek growls loud enough for Stiles to hear him, smirking as he listens to his mate and his hand unbuttons and unzips his pants, pushing into them quickly as he responds, “ _ **I think about working you open with them and then fucking you with my tongue**_ , _ **tasting you and holding you open while you whine and moan beneath me**_.”

“I want that,” Stiles says numbly, “Fuck, I really want that.” He draws his fist back up his cock and starts stroking himself earnestly, “I just want you,” he licks his lips and lowers his voice, “Are you hard?”

“ _ **You ask that as if it’s possible**_ **not** _ **to be**_ ,” the alpha responds, eyes flashing as he runs his fingers over his knot and sighs in relief, “ _ **Stop touching your cock**_ ,” he says firmly, “ **Just** _ **finger yourself for me**_.”

“Derek,” Stiles complains breathily, but he withdraws his hand from his length and he puts the phone on speaker so he can finger himself better, “M’not gonna be able to get off on my fingers, I need yours.”

“ _ **Where are you at in the loft?**_ ” Derek asks, voice still low as he listens to Stiles, but also focuses on the area outside the door as much as possible.

“In our bed,” Stiles says mindlessly, wincing at how dry the slide is, but as long as he goes slow he’ll be fine.

Derek nods to himself as he closes his eyes, fingers rubbing in circles along his knot as he holds his cell phone firmly in his other hand, “ _ **Turn onto your stomach, you can arch against the bed, but**_ **not** _ **a lot, just when you need to**_.”

Stiles shudders in excitement at the command and withdraws his finger long enough to roll over, positioning the phone next to his face as he licks his fingers before shoving his forefinger back in, “Okay,” he whimpers, mouth popping open, “Fuck, a-are you-you coming home for lunch?”

“ _ **Do you want me to come?**_ ” Derek asks as he feels his knot swell a little with the whimper he hears Stiles make.

“Yeah, I do,” Stiles tells his mate lowly as he pumps his finger in and out, “In more way than one, if you get my drift.”

“ _ **I do**_ ,” the alpha says as he takes his cock in hand finally, gasping as he does it, “ _ **I want to just as much as you do**_ \- _**I wanna knot you up good**_ , **_come in you and feel your stomach swell from it_**.”

“Soon it won’t be just your come making me swell up, it’ll be your pup inside of me,” Stiles tells him, cheeks flushing at the thought and he moans, crooking his finger inside of himself.

“ _ **Yes**_ ,” Derek’s wolf growls out low and pleased, “ _ **I’ll knot you then**_ , _**too**_ , _**even when you’re so pregnant you can’t see your feet**_ ,” he whines in the back of his throat as his length throbs in response.

Stiles rubs his finger against his prostate the best he can, hips grinding down against the mattress as his length twitches, his body reactive to the older man’s words and sounds, “ _Derek_ ,” he whimpers, hand clutching at the comforter.

“ _ **If it was up to me**_ , _**I’d do it again**_ , _**just after the first**_ ,” Derek admits, as he narrows his brows, his knot swelling a little more, “ _ **I’d keep you knotted up and pregnant for the next twenty years**_ , _**you’d never leave the bed**_.”

“Seems repetitive to tell you how much I want that, but I want it,” Stiles breathes out and gently pushes in another finger.

“ _ **I want it too**_ ,” the alpha says, arching up into his hand, “ _ **We can’t**_ , _**but I want it**_. _ **I wanna see every variation possible**_ , _**your hair**_ , _**mine**_ , _ **your lips**_ - _ **that dip in the center of your upper lip**_ ,” he growls again as he slides his shoes on the carpet to spread his legs a little more, “ _ **I think about those as much as I think about knotting you**_.”

“Mm,” Stiles whines and maybe he was wrong, maybe he can actually get off like this because he can feel his orgasm building, “You think about me sucking your dick?” he asks, the thought alone making him salivate.

Derek nods subtly as he lets out a huff of breath, “ _ **Yeah.**_ _ **I think about how it was**_ , _**how we were in the elevator at work**_ , _**and how I grabbed you and fucked your mouth**_ \- _**how your lips felt around my cock when I had to fight not to knot it up**_.”

“Wish you could’ve,” Stiles says and pumps his fingers in faster, remembering how thick Derek’s cock was against his tongue, “I’d let you fuck my mouth if you were here right now.”

“ _ **Stiles**_ ,” Derek grumbles at the comment, because he’s sure that if they **were** together, they wouldn’t have gotten this far without one or the other mentioning they were moving too fast, “ _ **I think about you fucking me**_ , _**too**_ ,” he admits then, “ _ **About how I was during my heat**_ , _**about when I shifted**_.”

“Oh God what I’d give to be in that ass right now,” Stiles groans and rolls his hips down more than once, “Human form, alpha form - I miss feeling your fur against my skin, playing with your tail.”

Derek is only **slightly** embarrassed that _that’s_ the comment that he comes to and he gasps, eyes widening as his knot swells. He reaches out quickly to grab the tissues from the desk beside him - an abandoned one from about a year before - nearly dropping the phone in the process though before reaching up to shift it against his ear as he blushes, “You didn’t have to say _that_.”

“I don’t really have to say anything,” Stiles says, “I was just telling you the truth, was it too much?” he asks and shoves in a third finger, groaning loudly at the way it causes his balls to pull taut.

“I’ve never come that quickly,” the alpha responds as he tucks himself away, “Thinking of that entire night is difficult enough to do without knowing that you’re fingering yourself on the other side of the phone.”

“You came?” Stiles asks rhetorically and narrows his brows, body thrumming as he imagines Derek tucked away in an office somewhere jacking off with him, “Jesus, that’s-” he lets out a shaky huff of breath and ruts down against the mattress, coming against the sheets as his toes curl, “ _Derek_.”

Derek smiles slowly and he knows _that_ tone of voice better than anything, it’s like music to his ears - knowing that Stiles is on the other side, ass in the air and fingers pressed in it while he’s thinking of the alpha, “Next time, don’t complain when I give you an order not to touch yourself.”

“Next time, huh?” Stiles grins and rolls over onto his back, making sure he doesn’t lay down in his come as his length slowly softens against his hip.

“Yes, next time,” Derek repeats as he lifts his brows, “If you think it’s possible to do that **once** , and not again, you’re imagining things.” He stands up, tucking his shirt back in his pants and fixing his tie.

“Awesome,” Stiles breathes and drapes one of his forearms up above his head, “So, you’re still coming home for lunch, yeah?”

“You said you wanted me to, I don’t see why I wouldn’t,” Derek says before he has a chance to confirm it with the rest of him. Considering what they **just** did, distance probably wouldn’t be such a bad thing.

“Good,” Stiles says and nods to himself, “I’ll see you in a few hours then?” he asks.

Derek stands up again to move back to the door and unlock it, “Yeah,” he says as he sits back down, “I guess you will.”

“I love you, baby,” Stiles says, reaching to pick the phone back up, “Hey, before you go-we can like, send pictures attached to text messages, right?”

“What?” Derek asks in confusion and pulls back to look at his phone before shrugging, “Why would I know? I’ve never texted on this phone before.”

“It’s fine, I’ll figure it out,” Stiles says, thumb hovering over the end call button, “Love you,” he repeats.

“I love you, too, Stiles,” Derek responds quickly, cheeks heating again as someone passes him and gives him a surprised look - which he pointedly ignores, “I’ll be there at lunch,” he says before he ends the call and hunches over at his desk as he goes back to his work.

Stiles grins at the alpha’s words and immediately looks through his phone for the camera, opening it up and fidgeting with it for a moment to figure out how to work it.

He leans up some and angles the phone just right, then takes a picture of his body, his cock soft and lying against the jut of his hip, come still barely drizzling out. It’s probably mean, or even considered torture, but he sends it to Derek anyway and immediately anticipates the older man coming home.

* * *

Most of the time Derek doesn’t come home from work unless Stiles asks him to, it’s better - in his opinion - not to, because it normally gets him worked up throughout the rest of the day. Which is why he’s not surprised when he doesn’t get a call from Stiles asking to come home, but he’s concerned because Stiles doesn’t call at **all** , not even sending so much as a text.

He gets home at the usual time, and from the parking lot outside, he knows that something is wrong, and nervously waits until he gets to the sixth floor, walking into the loft, quickly locking the door back up before he moves to the bed and pulls back the cover, “Stiles?” he asks, looking at the younger man in concern, “One second,” he says as he moves to the kitchen.

“D-Derek?” Stiles says, but he doesn’t even really have the strength to lift his head and look after the older man, body wracking with chills so he moves the best he can to grab the covers again. He’s had withdraws before, but this particular one makes the others pale in comparison, every part of his body hurts and he feels like he’s burning alive from the inside out, while simultaneously freezing to death.

Derek moves to the freezer and takes out one of the six packs, walking back to Stiles and removing a can, opening it as he reaches out for his mate to help him up and then he offers the beer, pressing it gently to the younger man’s lips.

“No,” Stiles protests weakly and pushes the can away, grimacing and shaking his head as his teeth chatter, “I-I don’t-I don’t want it,” he says stubbornly.

“You **need** it,” Derek responds, “You’ve been doing good so far, but you need this, okay?” he turns Stiles’s hand and gives it to him, “Drink.”

“ **No** ,” Stiles says defiantly and scoots back away from Derek, lying back down and tugging the covers up over his head as he shakes and whimpers in pain.

Derek growls and rips the covers away, yanking Stiles into his arms and staring him in the eyes, “I know that you’re stubborn, but don’t also be stupid, Stiles. This is dangerous, withdrawal from alcohol without being careful can result in worse than just this. Now drink already.” 

“I don’t want to,” Stiles tells Derek resolutely, pleading with his eyes, “I wanna be clean for you, I wanna be able to have your pups, please don’t make me drink it.”

“If you want to have my pups, you’ll probably want to be alive to do it,” Derek says, raising his brows, “Withdrawal can kill you, now drink it already. You’ll be clean, but it’s gonna take time.”

“It’s not gonna kill me,” Stiles says as confidently as he can muster, heaving for breath like he just worked out, “Just leave me alone, I’ll get through it. I always pull through, don’t I?”

Derek lifts Stiles’s chin to look him in the eyes and he shakes his head, “I’m not leaving you alone, not like this. I’m not asking you to drink it, Stiles, I’m telling you to.”

“And I’m telling you 'no',” Stiles says, eyes wide and watery as he stares at Derek.

He pulls away then and clambers to his feet, still shivering violently when the nausea hits and he covers his mouth, legs wobbling as he forces himself to run to the bathroom, doubling over the toilet as he pukes up his food from earlier in the day.

Derek sets the beer down by the bed, taking off his coat and his tie before following after his mate. He kneels just to Stiles’s side, running his hand over the younger man’s back as he watches Stiles, “You can’t do this cold turkey, Stiles, **no one can**.”

“I’ve been cutting back, it’s not-” Stiles shakes his head and heaves more, clutching at his stomach, “S’not cold turkey, not really.”

“It’s close enough,” the alpha says softly, running his fingers along the back of his mate’s neck, “And a lot of people go to places like rehab because they think they can do it in one straight shot.”

Stiles wipes his mouth with the back of his hand and slumps away from the toilet, frowning as he looks up at Derek, “I can-I can do it,” he says, “Do **you** think I can do it?”

“I think you can stop drinking and get better,” Derek says firmly, “But I think that in order to do that, you need to do it right the first time, instead of being a stubborn child like you normally are.”

Stiles clenches his jaw when Derek calls him a child and he wants to tell the older man that clearly he still knows how to push his buttons, but he doesn’t. Instead, he gets up, wobbles back into the other room, and picks up the beer his mate opened, guzzling it all before slinging the empty can across the room and he grabs another.

“Is this what you want, huh?” he asks, opening it and starting to drink it as well.

Derek frowns and stands up, walking into the front room and crossing his arms over his chest as he watches Stiles, “You’re upset I called you a child, and now you’re having a temper tantrum,” he points out as he stands still.

“All I fucking want is to be better for you,” Stiles raises his voice and starts chugging down the second one, crumpling the can in his hand when he’s finished and he drops it to the floor, “A-And you’re making me drink, I don’t **want** to drink.”

He moves to grab another from the six pack and opens it as well, “After everything we’ve been through and even though I’m in my thirties, I’m still a fucking child to you, a child you can just boss around.”

The alpha lifts his brows as he stares at the younger man, keeping his arms crossed and pressing his lips together as he turns to watch his mate take up another, “You need to calm down.”

“Then stop treating me like some fragile fucking child who's going to break when you’re not looking,” Stiles says and his whole body hurts as he starts drinking on the third, “It’s all I want, it’s all I’ve ever wanted, is just for you to look at me and treat me like a fucking equal instead of calling me a child anytime I even remotely have an attitude.”

Derek moves to Stiles and takes the third from him, looking down at his mate as he reaches up to cup Stiles’s cheek, “We’ve had this conversation at least **twice** now, baby, and you already know how it’s gonna go. I don’t look down on you, you are an equal, and you’re still a child. It’s different for you than it is for me. It’s not because you suddenly have an attitude, it’s because you do things like this,” he motions to the third beer, “If you want my pups, you need to stop, and listen to me.”

Stiles shrugs helplessly, eyes watering as he stares up at Derek, “Okay,” he grits out, wondering how he ever got this low. Even with everything that happened, he never anticipated this, being at rock bottom and struggling to find his way back up again.

Derek sets the beer back on the floor and then he takes Stiles’s face in his hands, staring at him, “I love you, and you’ll get through this, okay?” he leans down and kisses the younger man, “But you need to trust me, and not be so stubborn. I know what’s best, I normally do.”

Stiles reaches up tentatively and grabs Derek’s shirt, frowning and nodding before he breaks down into a fit of sobs, all but leaning in against his mate’s chest, “I-I trust you,” he says, clinging to the alpha, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry I’m like this.”

“Don’t apologize,” Derek says softly as he wraps his arms around Stiles and presses a kiss to his mate's head, “It’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

“Yes it is,” Stiles argues, body trembling with chills and sobs now, “It is,” he insists weakly, “I’m ashamed of myself, Derek.”

“Don’t be,” the alpha responds firmly, lifting Stiles’s chin again to look into his eyes, “You’re trying to get better, you’re making an effort - that’s nothing to be ashamed of. If anyone can do this, you can, but you don’t have to do it alone,” he pushes the younger man’s hair from his forehead, “Let’s get you washed up and then I’ll make you something to eat.” 

Stiles nods and even though he’s not hungry, not in the slightest, he knows he’ll eat just to please his mate - everything he does in one way or another, is to please his mate, “Okay.”

[MageStiles](http://magestiles.tumblr.com/)   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Three years ago today I met the person that helped me write this story. Talk about insane. It's been a while.
> 
> -Cammerel


	6. Insert Jeep Emote

Derek pulls back and tugs off Stiles’s shirt, tossing it into the hamper before guiding the younger man back to the bathroom, “Do you want to shower alone?” he asks out of habit at this point, because they still don’t shower together.

Stiles doesn’t respond vocally and just shakes his head ‘no’ instead, because the last thing he wants right now is to be alone, even if that means they’ll both be sans clothes.

“Okay,” the alpha says as he reaches down to help Stiles out of his pajama bottoms before moving to the bathroom, tossing the pants in the hamper as well before he steps to the tub and turns the water on. It’s typical of Stiles to see **him** naked, but not normally the other way around. He doesn’t shower at night like his mate does, so he rolls back his sleeves and reaches out to help Stiles in.

Stiles feels himself flush all over, because even though he sent Derek a picture of his cock, this is still the first time he’s been naked in front of his mate in over five years. He tries not to frown at the fact that the alpha doesn’t come in with him, but he doesn’t push for him to.

Derek closes the door behind them, reaching out to flush the toilet before he grabs Stiles’s shampoo from the side of the tub as he guides the younger man under the spray of water, running his fingers through Stiles’s hair as he smiles sadly, “Next time this happens, I **need** you to call me, do you understand?”

“I tried calling you,” Stiles says quietly, looking up at the alpha but he’s unable to return his mate’s smile.

“My phone’s on,” Derek responds in confusion, scratching the shampoo through Stiles’s hair, “What do you mean?”

“I was in pain, Derek, it hurt to move,” Stiles shrugs weakly, “I tried, there was a feeble attempt and if you check my phone, your contact is liable to be pulled up.”

Derek nods and tilts Stiles’s head back to wash the shampoo from his hair, “I don’t need to check, I believe you.” He reaches down to grab the body wash next, lathering it up in the sponge before scrubbing it carefully over his mate’s shoulders.

Stiles doesn’t respond, he just lets Derek take care of him, lifting an arm when it needs to be lifted or turning when his mate needs him to, otherwise silent.

Derek smiles to himself at how Stiles is and they haven’t really done something like this since the younger man and him got together - not _exactly_. They’ve showered together plenty of times, but that normally involved them both washing one another. This is unusually nice, and he mindlessly lathers the body wash in his right hand and slides it down between Stiles’s ass cheeks.

“Derek,” Stiles gasps and instinctively pushes his hips back against Derek’s hand subtly, because although he’s aching and tired, he can’t help the way his body reacts to his mate.

“Hmm?” Derek lifts his brows in confusion and then realizes what he’s done, his face heating slightly and, though he knows Stiles isn’t **completely** disapproving of it, he keeps the touch as platonic as possible, washing the suds away finally and turning off the water, “Sorry,” he mutters as he reaches for a towel and wraps it around Stiles.

“Don’t be,” Stiles says softly, shivering some as he clutches the towel closer to him, “If I didn’t feel like death, I’d ask you to do it again.”

Derek picks Stiles up and carries him out of the bathroom, into the main room and to the bed before laying the younger man down and covering him up, “Do you want me to just order food?”

“Yeah, you think you can lay here with me until it gets here?” Stiles asks, glancing at the spot beside him hopefully.

“That’s why I asked,” the alpha says and chuckles, laying on the bed and pulling Stiles in close as he reaches into his pocket to get his phone, “Probably something simple? Grilled chicken or something?”

“That sounds okay,” Stiles says and rests his head on his mate’s chest, “Nothing crazy, though. I don’t think my stomach could handle it.”

Derek nods in agreement and runs his hand through Stiles’s wet hair, “I know, Chinese would probably be the last thing you should have when you’re like this,” he says softly and scrolls through his contacts.

“Mm,” Stiles hums and closes his eyes, feeling the tremors subside some with Derek’s fingers in his hair, “Yeah.”

Derek orders their food quickly, setting the cell phone on the bed beside him before turning into the younger man, “You probably want to brush your teeth,” he says, smiling slightly.

“After I eat,” Stiles mumbles, “M’not getting up twice, so… try to resist the urge to kiss me any more,” he pulls a face, “I can’t believe you kissed me in the first place.”

“I can **taste** your breath right now,” the alpha says, leaning in and kissing Stiles once more, “It doesn’t make a difference to me.”

“Aw,” Stiles groans and playfully pushes Derek’s face away, “You’re so gross,” he whines, even though he’s smiling.

Derek rolls his eyes, “I’m not,” he says as he grabs Stiles’s hand, “I have to taste _everything_ that has a scent, all of the time. It’s not as bad as you’re making it out to be.”

“I puked, Derek, that’s pretty fucking bad,” Stiles tries to reason, eyes flitting to the way his mate’s holding his hand.

“I’ve tasted a lot worse,” Derek responds, “Nylon, for starters, and pennies,” he kisses Stiles a third time, grinning even more before brushing their noses together.

“I love you,” Stiles says then, grinning slowly himself and moving his hand to Derek’s cheek as he leans in to initiate a fourth kiss.

Derek hums in approval and rolls Stiles onto his back, settling atop him and running his palms down the smaller man’s sides as he kisses back.

Even though Stiles is under the covers and Derek is above them, he still tries to spread his legs some for his mate as he leans up into the kiss, “Me being underneath you like this isn’t going to result in anything good. Well, I guess that depends on your definition of good and if your definition of good is me wanting your dick then that is a definite possibility.”

“We’ve got food on the way, I can’t have sex with you right now,” Derek says it and then narrows his brows at how it comes out, because to him it sounds like the **only** excuse he can think of, even though there are plenty more he should be considering - but he is getting impatient, “And we’re still-we haven’t… we’ll get to it at some point, but not now.”

“Right,” Stiles says dryly and watches the alpha’s face, brows narrowed, “Because we’ve got food on the way, yeah, I got it.” He pats Derek’s chest and looks at his mate expectantly, “Hop up then, because all this is gonna do is make me want you.”

Derek rolls them over and pulls Stiles close against his chest, “I thought we both agreed that it was good to wait.”

“Yeah, I know what I said, I remember saying I wanted it slow,” Stiles huffs out a breath, hand smoothing over his mate’s pec, “But seeing as we’ve had sex so many times I’ve lost count in the past, I’m entitled to change my mind, I’m allowed to want what we had before. It’s hard not to want it when I know what it feels like.”

“So what do you want?” Derek asks in confusion, “Are you wanting us to move faster? Is this too slow?”

“Faster wouldn’t be so bad,” Stiles admits, “I keep waiting for you to lose control, I know you’ve almost lost it once or twice already - I keep thinking you’re gonna go all alpha on me, but you don’t.”

“I could, **easily** , but don’t because you said that you didn’t want things to be too intimate,” Derek responds softly and shrugs, “You can’t just expect me to be able to read your mind, Stiles. We haven’t been together in five years, and things have changed. The last time we talked about this, you still wanted things to be slow.”

“Well this is me telling you that’s not what I want now,” Stiles raises his brows and lifts up some to look at his mate, “I just want you to take me, when and wherever the urge hits you. I’m so fucking sick of waiting.”

Derek frowns as he looks at Stiles and swallows tightly, “The urge is hitting me **right now**.”

“But we’ve got food on the way,” Stiles gives Derek the same excuse he gave him and smiles at the alpha, eyes dropping down over his mate’s chest.

Derek shakes his head as he pulls the towel off of Stiles and yanks the covers out of the way, “I don’t care about the food,” he says as he leans in and kisses the younger man.

It’s a little anti-climactic and a lot less spur of the moment than he’d like, but Stiles responds to Derek anyway and groans quietly when he kisses back, body already anticipating what’s to come.

Derek growls low in approval and stops when he hears the sudden knock on the door. He sighs in frustration and pulls back, standing up from the bed and walking to the door as he reaches into his pocket for his wallet. He pays the man at the door quickly and slams it shut before turning back to walk to the bed and sit the food down as he looks at his mate.

“Maybe some other time,” he says, smiling sheepishly.

“Yeah,” Stiles huffs at the interruption and sits up, slinging the comforter across himself as he reaches out for the bag of food, “Maybe.”

* * *

Stiles doesn’t necessarily snoop around on purpose. He’s alone at least eighty-five percent of the time and looking around just so happens to be a good way to waste his time. Considering how open and whatnot the loft is, he’s willing to wager Derek doesn’t really have a whole lot to hide anymore and that’s what he tells himself to keep from feeling particularly guilty.

He finds an old chest in one of the other rooms, through the big hole in the wall and he can tell that no one’s touched it in a long time, judging by the dust permeating on the top of it. So he wipes it off and pushes it open, grunting with how heavy the lid is and he almost drops it back down on his fingers when he sees all the movies - all of the **werewolf** movies. Which, is probably a lot more humorous to him than it should be, but he can’t help it, because he can’t really imagine Derek sitting down and watching these.

Stiles grabs a handful of them and meanders back into the other room, sitting down on the couch and reaching out to splay the cases out on the coffee stand. He’s going to watch them, but if he doesn’t at least tease Derek about it a little first, he’s liable to combust or something. He pulls his phone from his pocket and brings up Derek’s contact number before writing out a quick text.

Derek looks up from the screen of the computer as his phone buzzes silently across the desk and he reaches out, unlocking it and reading the message before his cheeks heat and he frowns in annoyance.

Derek sends the text before he even considers it, and only has about a second of regret before he realizes it’s probably something better said than not.

Stiles responds and can’t help the way he grins to himself, because he can’t imagine Derek five years ago admitting to something like that.

Derek stares at the message and tries not to react **too** much visibly to the way his chest tightens, but he can’t help smiling and texting Stiles back as the grin widens across his face.

Derek tilts his head as he looks at the response and his brows narrow.

Derek blinks in confusion and tries to tilt the phone sideways without the text dropping down to fit the screen.

Derek takes one look at the drawing and, though he doesn’t know a thing about creating stuff with letters, he can clearly make out the front lights and he chuckles to himself. It’s ironic Stiles would send him such a thing, considering how hard he’s been working to get the younger man’s jeep back. He tries not to think too much about what the actual message says, because it’s difficult enough to not just go home and be with his mate, finally be able to take him without having to worry about if it’d upset Stiles.

Derek smiles to himself at the nickname and responds shortly before getting back to work.

Once he finishes up work, which takes longer than it has any right to, he picks up Stiles’s jeep, observing the vehicle the moment it’s in his possession and, surprisingly, it was never looted after Stiles abandoned it on the side of the road. Thankfully, Derek normally walks everywhere he can, so driving to jeep home isn’t as tricky as it could be.

He parks it beside his vehicle and takes out his cell phone, sending a quick text to his mate as he waits in the jeep.

Stiles sits up when he hears his phone and he reaches out for the remote, pausing the movie to read the message and he furrows his brows in confusion, because he’s unsure why the older man would need him to come down for anything. He does, though, after he slips his shoes on, foregoing the elevator entirely and just opting for the stairs - it’s not necessarily as quick, but it’s probably better for him.

Once he reaches the lobby and he doesn’t see Derek, he can only surmise the older man meant outside, so he crosses his arms loosely and heads out, stopping abruptly when he sees his jeep. Stiles’s mouth pops open and his arms fall to his sides, eyes darting to where his mate’s sitting inside of it, “You? Did you-” he shakes his head, “You did.”

Derek steps down out of the driver’s side, keeping the door open and nudging his head to the younger man, “You’re lucky, **really** lucky - but I thought you deserved to have it back after what you’ve been through.”

“I don’t deserve it,” Stiles argues, shaking his head again as he moves towards Derek, reaching up and tugging the werewolf down into a kiss as he wraps his arms firmly around his mate’s neck, “But thank you.”

Derek grabs the back of Stiles’s neck and kisses him back, pulling him close and lifting him up before turning and setting the younger man into the driver’s side seat, dropping his hands to run them down Stiles’s sides as he pulls back to stare at his mate, “Any time.”

Stiles stares at Derek for a moment and then lifts his hands, numbly gripping the steering wheel and blowing out a shaky breath as he drops his forehead to the column, “Thought I’d never see it again,” he admits, straightening back up.

“You probably wouldn’t have if you weren’t a former FBI agent,” Derek says as he watches Stiles, “Even then, they only hold onto those kinds of vehicles for **so** long. I had to bend a few rules just to get it for you, but fortunately it worked out. I’ve been working on getting it back since you told me about you abandoning it.”

“I’m glad you found it, but you seriously didn’t have to,” Stiles says earnestly and turns in the seat, moving slowly to get back out, “You do enough for me as is.”

“I wanted to,” Derek responds as he takes Stiles’s wrist, turning his palm up and giving the younger man his keys, “You’re my mate, it’s not like I felt obligated - I had to at least **try** to get it back for you.”

Stiles looks down to the keys in his hand and squeezes them, pursing his lips pensively for a moment before leaning up to kiss the corner of Derek’s mouth, “I love you,” he says, closing the jeep door before locking it.

Derek grins and scoops Stiles up effortlessly, carrying him back to the loft and taking the elevator up as he watches the younger man, “Maybe this weekend we can take it out of the city or something, you can’t really enjoy driving around in it in New York,” he says thoughtfully, “You don’t leave the loft much at all, but it’s still nice to have your own vehicle back.”

“It is nice,” Stiles confirms, palms clutching at Derek’s full, bearded cheeks as he grins and kisses the older man, “Sounds like fun, I guess.”

“You guess?” Derek chuckles as he unlocks his door and slides it open, setting Stiles down and closing it behind them, “Did walking to New York make you weary of driving?”

“I dunno, don’t get me wrong, I missed it - the jeep,” Stiles says and shrugs, “I just don’t see the point in wasting money to fill the tank just to take it out and waste the fuel.”

Derek scratches his fingers through his beard as he sets his keys on the table, leaning down then to untie his shoes and remove them, “It’s not like you’d be wasting something we have little of,” the alpha says and glances at his mate, “It’s hardly an issue.” And if Stiles thinks that spending some money on gas is a waste, he probably doesn’t want to know how much it had cost to get the jeep back in the first place.

“Okay,” Stiles concedes and saunters back to the couch, flopping back down and taking up his previous position, “I’ll humor you then,” he says, reaching out for the remote.

Derek takes off his coat, pulling at the knot of his tie before removing it from his collar and unbuttoning his shirt as he walks to the closet, “You don’t have to, but I thought it’d be a nice change of scenery. Whatever you want is fine, baby.”

“What I want is for you,” Stiles starts and waves the remote at Derek, “To come over here with me,” he says, patting the couch and grinning.

“In a second,” the alpha says as he tosses his shirt into the hamper and unbuckles his belt, removing his paddle holster from his waist and setting it above the clean dress shirts in the closet as he takes off his pants, “Did you pick out a movie you wanted to watch?”

“Kinda wanna watch all of them,” Stiles says as if it’s even realistic, “I’m halfway through Van Helsing right now, had to pause it to come down.”

Derek nods, “I heard,” he responds as he steps into a pair of sweats, pulling them up and buttoning them, zipping them before reaching out for a simple shirt and shutting the closet door, “Do you wanna finish it?”

“I’d like to, yeah,” Stiles nods and rests the remote on his chest, waiting on his mate.

The alpha pulls the shirt on and sits beside Stiles, grabbing the smaller man up in his arms and curling as close to Stiles as possible as he gets comfortable, “Go on,” he says softly.

Stiles unpauses the movie and leans to put the remote back on the stand, moving back and all but settling himself in Derek’s lap, lying his head half on the alpha’s chest as the movie starts back up.

“I missed you,” Derek mutters as he drops his head to scent the younger man, his palm running down Stiles’s side.

“Missed you too, baby,” Stiles says mindlessly, tilting his neck for Derek as he watches Hugh Jackman on the television.

Derek groans softly as Stiles tilts his head and, as focused as he **should** be on the screen, he can’t help wanting to be affectionate - especially now that he knows Stiles is more than okay with it.

Stiles grins to himself when his mate groans and he reaches up, eyes still on the television as he scratches lightly behind the older man’s left ear.

Derek leans into the touch, his hand smoothing down Stiles’s back and pushing up under his shirt to touch his skin as his other hand reaches up to run along his mate’s arm.

“Dunno how I’m supposed to pay attention when you’re touching me like this,” Stiles mumbles and grins wide, looking at Derek finally in amusement, fingers moving further back to rub along his mate’s scalp.

“I’m trying not to be distracting,” Derek says, and it’s only a little bit of a lie. It’s not like he’s doing it on purpose, but he can’t help himself, “But I haven’t seen you all day, and you’re against me now, it’s hard not to.”

“You don’t have to defend yourself,” Stiles says softly and kisses the older man, then peppers a few more kisses out along his cheek, “I like when you touch me, s’just hard to pay attention is all I’m saying.”

Derek cups Stiles’s cheek and kisses him back, holding him there firmly as the alpha runs his tongue over the other man’s lips and then between them, humming low in approval as he tastes his boy.

Stiles groans weakly and opens up for the alpha, jaw relaxing as he tests his mate’s tongue with his own, fingers curling tight in the back of Derek’s hair as his other hand grabs at the werewolf’s shirt.

“Stiles,” Derek says breathlessly as he pulls back from the kiss, his hands grabbing at his mate’s thighs as he leans in closer, dropping his head to nuzzle under Stiles’s neck. He doesn’t mean to get so carried away, but he literally has zero interest in the movie when the younger man is so responsive, Stiles’s strong scent filling his nose.

“You started it, big guy,” Stiles smiles slowly and tries not to whimper when Derek nuzzles against his throat, his entire body thrumming with arousal. It always ends up like this between them, which is why it’s so surprising to Stiles that his mate hasn’t completely jumped him yet.

Derek can already taste Stiles’s scent just from breathing him in, but it doesn’t stop him from opening his mouth and licking the younger man’s skin. The hand touching Stiles’s back runs down his spine, pressing his fingers firmly against the shape of each knob on their way down as he pushes his mate back on the couch.

Stiles’s breath hitches and he pulls Derek down with him, eyes wide and pupils dilated as his fingers smooth down from the alpha’s neck to his shoulders. If it weren’t for the older man’s hands on him, the firm, sensual touch tethering him down, he’s positive he’d be floating away with how his entire body is vibrating with anticipation.

Derek grabs Stiles’s leg and wraps it around his torso, his other hand running back up slowly to his mate’s shoulder blades as he licks and nips his way along Stiles’s throat and down to his collar bone, tasting every inch of skin he passes and he shakes eagerly, breathing sharp through his nose as the hand on Stiles’s leg moves up under the front of his shirt. 

“Derek,” Stiles whines breathily and mouths ‘oh my God’ to himself, because he’s pretty sure he’s never been so aroused before, head dropping back against the cushions as his hips roll up. He gasps and his fingers dig into the werewolf’s skin just under the collar of his shirt, nerve endings alight all over his body.

The older man reaches his hand back around from behind Stiles, palms running up his mate’s stomach and chest, fingers scratching and pinching at his nipples gently as the alpha glances up at him, leaning up to mouth the soft skin under Stiles’s chin as he growls lowly, “ _Mine_.”

“Mhm,” Stiles squeaks, mouth popping open as he shivers, “ _Yours_ ,” he confirms lowly, cock throbbing almost painfully as he lies pinned beneath the alpha.

Derek lifts the shirt up quickly, setting it on the ground in front of the couch as he moves his lips down, fingers scratching through Stiles’s chest hair as he takes the younger man’s right nipple into his mouth, his other hand dropping to brush firmly against the front of his mate’s pajama pants.

Stiles’s back bows against the couch almost at once and he groans loudly, taken by surprise at the simultaneous sensations and his chest heaves as he stares at his mate, “Holy shit-that’s…” he draws in a shaky breath and cards his fingers through Derek’s hair, eyes watching the way the werewolf’s lips are pursed around his nipple, “Don’t stop.”

“ _Don’t plan to_ ,” Derek says, voice low and husky as he grabs the front of Stiles pants in his fist, shifting his lower half back off of the younger man as he yanks them down his hips. He takes the skin around Stiles’s nipple between his teeth, biting his mate hard enough to break skin as his hand runs up the inside of Stiles’s thigh.

“Oh fuck,” Stiles grits out and watches the werewolf with rapt attention, eyes watering somewhat from the sting. The hand on his leg makes his length lurch desperately and he can feel pre-come all but pouring out as he wets his lips, “Derek, baby, come _on_.”

Derek licks the mark and he smirks at how desperate Stiles sounds, his fingers brushing along the inside of his mate’s hip as the alpha pushes him up on the couch and drops his head as low as he can, tasting the soft skin of his boy’s thigh before pressing his nose into Stiles’s pubic hair and breathing in deep.

Stiles gapes as he looks down and he numbly yet reverently brushes his hand through his mate’s hair, cock twitching anxiously just from having Derek’s mouth so close. He’s painfully close to begging, the tension between them has just been too much and if he doesn’t get the older man’s mouth on his cock as soon as possible, he might die - _it’s a thing_.

The alpha brushes his nose through the soft hairs, pressing lazy, wet kisses around Stiles’s cock before finally wrapping his lips around the head and taking the entire length at once, his hands wrapping his mate’s legs around his neck, palms running up Stiles’s sides.

“Oh my fucking God,” Stiles all but chokes out, head thudding back against the couch as he keeps one of his hands in Derek’s hair, trying not to flex his legs around his mate’s neck, “ _Your mouth_ ,” he groans, glancing back down in awe as he rolls his hips up just once, “I’ve missed it, wow.”

Derek growls in response, reaching out and taking both of his mate’s hands, setting them on the back of his head, glancing up at Stiles, and then lifting his brows as he relaxes his neck and shoulders.

“You seriously want me to blow my fucking load, don’t you?” Stiles asks rhetorically, shaking his head to himself even as he grips Derek’s hair with the one hand, the other moving to hold the side of his mate’s face as he lowers his left foot back down to the couch cushion for support. He pushes up with his legs, sinking his cock into Derek’s throat slowly at first, bottom lip pinned between his teeth in concentration.

As much as the alpha wants to close his eyes, he can’t help staring up at his mate, watching the younger man bite his bottom lip and Derek groans around the length, running his tongue along the bottom and sucking each time Stiles’s hips move back. He probably doesn’t have to explain it, but he’s been wanting to do this for **years** , it’s the thing he thinks about the most, just letting Stiles fuck his mouth, or fuck him just in general.

Stiles whimpers pitifully when Derek groans around him, the sound vibrating clear into the pit of his stomach and causing him to fuck up into the wet heat faster, moaning softly every time he feels his cock-head brush past the back of his mate’s mouth.

“Oh God,” he pants, rolling his tongue between his lips as he pulls the alpha’s mouth down onto his length almost viciously, “ **Derek**.”

Derek shifts his legs on the other side of the couch, his hand dropping down to press against his pants, pushing them down as he lets out a shaky breath through his nose and he tries to keep his body as lax as possible so that Stiles can pull him in without much restraint. It’s difficult, considering how easily he could pull away from his mate (physically, probably not emotionally or willingly in the slightest).

Stiles swallows and narrows his brows, toes already curling in anticipation as his orgasm builds at an alarmingly quick rate. He tries to stammer out something akin to ‘I’m coming’, but it’s all garbled and breathless as he raises his hips up one last time, coming down the back of his mate’s throat as he moans, loosening his hold on the alpha as he relaxes back against the couch.

“Gimme just a second to put my brain back together and I’ll help you out, yeah?”


	7. A Big Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pun intended?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Reference Collection](http://magestiles.tumblr.com/private/74432876674/tumblr_mzxj4kCBxh1rxjbyo) \- [Edits](http://magestiles.tumblr.com/tagged/Blue-Moon-Edits)  
> 
> 
> _ I ask that you please read [THIS](http://magestiles.tumblr.com/private/117854533728/tumblr_nnobonL6kb1rxjbyo) before reading on, even if you've been reading a while, PLEASE read it. _

Derek doesn’t swallow everything at once, keeping some of the boy’s seed in his mouth as he licks his lips and moves back up, hands running up and down Stiles’s body as he collects his breath.

“Or not?” Stiles muses and narrows his eyes tiredly at the alpha when he doesn’t really get a response, touching the older man’s cheek as he comes down from his orgasm, “I’d like very much for my mouth to become reacquainted with your dick, it’s been a long time.”

The alpha raises his brows and kisses Stiles, forcing the other man’s mouth open as he licks inside, sharing the younger man’s taste and smearing Stiles’s seed along his tongue.

“Mm,” Stiles hums and narrows his brows, thrown off by the strong, bitter taste, but he leans up into it and all but sucks it off of Derek’s tongue.

Derek growls and pulls back, wrapping his arms around Stiles as he sits up and brings the smaller man with him, one hand reaching up and running his fingers through the back of Stiles’s hair, “I’d like it, too.”

Stiles’s eyes flutter weakly with the hand in his hair and he touches Derek’s chest, “Hmm?” he asks in confusion, still somewhat in a daze, but it comes to him quickly enough - what he’d said before, “Oh, right! Your dick, my mouth,” he nods and smiles, leaning in to kiss his mate before sliding down between the older man’s knees.

“Mhm,” the alpha starts to agree and his stomach twists when Stiles drops down, his hands touching the younger man’s neck as he watches his mate.

Stiles’s mouth waters when he actually gets a good look at the older man’s length, just as huge and gorgeous as he remembers. He reaches up tentatively and pushes Derek’s shirt up some, grinning at how soft the older man’s physique is now compared to how cut the alpha used to be.

Leaning in slowly, he kisses the werewolf’s stomach, the flesh dipping under his lips as he grips the base of his mate’s length, fingers curling lightly around the knot.

Derek watches Stiles, eyes wide as he tries to breathe as calmly as possible. It’s a little unusual of him to feel nervous about anything, but it’s kind of always like this when Stiles gives him blow jobs. He’s not sure if it’s because of the act itself, or _Stiles_ , but it’s abnormally exciting in comparison to just about everything else he does with his mate.

The moment Stiles touches his knot, he knows he’s in trouble, watching the width of it swelling already and Derek narrows his brows, “It’s been a while…”

“Yeah,” Stiles murmurs against the skin as he kisses straight down from beneath Derek’s navel, eyes flitting up to meet his mate’s, “Too long,” he says, then presses his lips to the knot. He massages his fingers around it, lips parting and tongue lashing out to tease the hardened skin.

“No, I-yes, it’s been too long, but I-” Derek winces as Stiles’s tongue runs over his skin and the alpha shudders violently, eyes flashing, “I can’t explain it,” he can barely even think, let alone try and form the right words when Stiles is doing _that_ to him.

Stiles has barely begun and it’s like his mate is already falling apart, causing him to smile as he continues to mouth sloppily at the knot, fist moving loosely to tease the tip some.

He traces the veins with his tongue, applying pressure from one side of the length to the other, “Try?”

“I…” Derek lets out a huff of breath as he growls lowly, “I haven’t been tested so much,” he tries to explain, voice tight as he lays back against the arm of the couch, “I almost shifted before, I… I just haven’t really practiced much self-restraint since I was removed from the field.”

“Mm,” Stiles hums and mouths further up his mate’s length, giving the girth a nice squeeze just as he suckles against the plush cap, “You know,” he says, fist stroking the thick cock slowly as he stares up at Derek, “You could shift if you wanted to, I’d still suck your dick.”

“I’m sure you would,” Derek says and chuckles weakly as he shakes, “That’s not the problem, baby. And I’m not **just** talking about shifting, I’m talking about all of it.”

Stiles nods minutely and he thinks he understands, but there’s not much he can really do to help the older man, not right now, anyway. He takes his mate’s length into his mouth without teasing further, fist rolling back down to the knot as he takes as much as he can.

Derek runs his left palm over the back of Stiles’s neck, smoothing it across the younger man’s shoulders as his other hand cups Stiles’s cheek, thumb brushing over his mate’s upper lip and then up to trace the shape of Stiles’s eyebrow as he lets out a ragged breath, “You look so fucking good like this.”

The words almost startle Stiles, but he doesn’t pull off of Derek, eyes flitting up to search his mate’s face as his lips glide up and down the girth, fighting the urge to lean into the alpha’s touch. He hums softly around the werewolf’s cock, eyes shining as he bobs his head and he drops both of his hands to knead at the older man’s knot.

“So good,” Derek repeats as he licks his lips, combing the bangs from Stiles’s forehead as his length pulses slightly in the younger man’s mouth.

Stiles isn’t really sure if it’s praise or if it’s just Derek being vocal, but he decides almost at once that he likes it, his entire body takes a definite interest in it and he groans around the length, forcing himself to take more for his mate.

Derek catches the sharp scent of his mate’s arousal as it increases and he runs his fingers down the back of Stiles’s neck as he considers what might’ve caused it. Really, it could be anything, but he prefers to assume it’s because he’s being more verbal about his feelings. He’s never really done it much in the past, even though he’s wanted to, “Most of the time, it’s all I can do not to shut you up this way.”

Stiles whimpers then, unable to not imagine it, how fucking hot it’d be to have Derek just push him down to his knees and shove his dick into his mouth. One hand grips at the older man’s meaty thigh, his other hand moving from the knot for a moment to smooth up his mate’s stomach.

Derek lets out a frustrated sigh as Stiles stops touching his knot and he’s not sure if he’s relieved by it or annoyed, but he relaxes back against the couch again and guides Stiles down until his lips rest against the alpha’s knot and Derek holds him there, gently rutting up and testing his boy’s jaw, “I wanna knot your mouth,” he says breathlessly, mouth dropping open as he stares at Stiles’s mouth.

Stiles reaches down suddenly and wraps a hand around the base of his own cock, squeezing it to calm himself down some and he opens his mouth wider for Derek, still staring intently at his mate as he tries to push himself down onto the knot.

“ _ **Stiles**_!” Derek gasps, eyes widening as he shakes suddenly and shifts before he can stop himself, nails lengthening before changing into claws and fur starts growing out all over his body, his shirt tearing and he pulls Stiles back just in case he gets _too big_.

Stiles’s eyes widen as well and his jaw go slack, watching his mate in awe. He remembers vaguely how big Derek had been in his alpha form before, which was huge, but he’s even bigger now and there’s something both arousing and intimidating about being in the position he’s in.

Derek whines as the chair and floor beneath him groan under his weight and he fights the urge to move or shift because he knows that if he does, he might just destroy both the couch and the sixth floor, and endanger Stiles more than he already is. He closes his eyes, trying to force the shift back but he’s so wound up that he can’t really will himself to do it - it doesn’t help that Stiles’s scent becomes stronger in more ways than one, and it’s all he can taste and breathe now.

Stiles watches the werewolf close his eyes and he narrows his brows, reaching out to rub a hand up the older man’s furred leg as he sits up a little higher, “It’s okay,” he tries to soothe his mate, “Deep breaths, baby.”

His eyes drop back to the alpha’s cock, unsheathed and slick looking. Without hesitation, he leans in and licks a thick stripe up the side of it, both hands moving to touch the girth and it’s so wide he does well to get both hands around it, “You got bigger, huh?”

Derek opens his eyes and looks at Stiles tentatively, chest rising and falling quickly as he tries to collect himself enough to relax somewhat. He reaches out to touch his mate’s shoulders, caressing his skin as the alpha whines loudly. He knows that Stiles is okay with the form, but Derek can only imagine how much he weighs right now, considering how he was before -  it’s just a matter of time before the floor gives out, “ _ **Yeah**_ ,” he says softly as he licks his teeth.

Stiles nods slowly and glides his hands in unison, pumping the larger, slick length as he licks the semi-slanted tip before taking it into his mouth. He can’t go down far, or hardly any at all, but he tries to make up for it by consistently keeping his hands moving along the shaft.

“ _ **I’m already close**_ ,” Derek says in warning as he leans down carefully, licking his own length, tongue running over Stiles’s fingers as his right leg shakes eagerly, his left wrapping around his mate’s calves, claws gently pricking Stiles’s skin.

Stiles pulls his mouth from the tip and quirks a grin up at Derek, “You don’t have to warn me, babe,” he says, wanting to scratch his fingers through the alpha’s fur, but he keeps his hands firmly on the length. He teases the warm flesh, tongue laving out against the werewolf’s slit as his hands work the knot.

Derek wants to tell Stiles _why_ he has to warn his mate, but he figures the younger man can find out the hard way - like he did. His tongue runs up along the side of Stiles’s arm and neck, whining as he tastes his mate and then, though he should probably know better, he scents Stiles.

Stiles’s arousal spikes when he hears the soft snuffling, the cool nose pressed to his skin and he grins as he takes what he can of the alpha’s length into his mouth, relaxing his jaw as his fingers rub lazy circles into the werewolf’s knot.

Derek pulls Stiles a little closer, mouth opening and incisors nipping at his boy’s skin as he growls, his orgasm building quickly now that he’s tasting and scenting his mate. His fur on the back of his neck stands up, tail curling against his body as he starts whining louder, trying his best to wrap himself around Stiles as his length throbs, knot swelling a little more.

Stiles hums around the heated girth and when Derek starts whining, he feels close himself and he can’t even touch his own dick. He doubles his efforts where they’re needed, though, and increases his pace, saliva dribbling from the corners of his mouth down along the reddened length.

Derek arches his head back, claws gripping Stiles a little too tight as he howls and comes finally, the sound is so loud and sudden that the walls shake and the alpha’s eyes widen when he hears the floor beneath him protest under his weight once more.

Stiles can just barely feel Derek’s claws breaking skin, but he’s more overwhelmed with the sudden overabundance of come. He can’t swallow it all, as much as he tries, some of it spills out down his chin, smears along his chest and he takes the opportunity while he has it. Running his fingers through some of the come, he uses it to glide his fist along his own length, already close from before so he works frantically, eyes raking over his mate’s form and he doubles over when he comes, dropping his forehead against the alpha’s fur.

It takes a moment for Derek to even realize that his mate’s second release comes moments after his own and he curls Stiles up in his arms, finally coming down enough to shift back and he swears he can feel the floor beneath them relax a little itself now that it isn’t so strained.

The alpha stares up at the ceiling of the loft, hand running down Stiles’s back as he smiles lazily to himself, “I love you.”

“I… love you,” Stiles pants out and he feels gross, almost literally covered from head to foot in come, but he’s comfortable like this, all curled up with Derek.

Derek mindlessly runs his fingers through the seed smeared across his mate’s chest, coating his fingers before reaching down to slide them between Stiles’s ass cheeks, “See why I warned you?”

“Mm, yeah,” Stiles chuffs out a weak laugh and looks up at Derek, thighs flexing instinctively when he feels the alpha’s finger, “You could’ve given more of a warning, though. Like, ‘ _be careful, Stiles, I’m about to come buckets_ ’.”

The alpha grins and shakes his head, “It’s not that fun if I tell you _why_ ,” he says as he runs his fingers over his mate’s entrance, rolling the tip of his index finger against it until it slides in, “The first time I got off in that form was pretty amusing.”

Stiles’s lips part and he hikes his right leg up some, brows furrowed as he listens to his mate and enjoys the sensation the older man’s providing him with, “What did you even do, shift and jack off? I’m confused.”

“I shifted while I was trying to,” Derek shrugs and slowly works his finger in and out of Stiles, “It’s happened before, when I could only shift into beta form.”

Stiles’s eyes flutter and he moans weakly, right hand smoothing along the alpha’s chest, “That’s hot, or at least I think it’s hot. Then again I could just think it’s hot because you have your finger in my ass. Either way…” he shrugs, cheeks flushing.

Derek grins and pulls Stiles up into his lap, ignoring the slide and stick of his seed in the hair on his stomach and Stiles’s skin. His finger presses in more as he stares up at the younger man, “Maybe some time you could watch.”

“I’d like that, yeah,” Stiles breathes out and leans in to kiss the alpha, “I could definitely get my voyeur on,” he utters against the werewolf’s mouth.

“I’m surprised we haven’t done it before,” the alpha admits, raising his brows, although they hadn’t been together for **very** long, before he left for New York.

“Can’t help but feel like if things wouldn’t have taken a turn for the worse, we probably would’ve gotten to that point,” Stiles says all in one breath, his spent length twitching against Derek’s bare hip.

Derek nods as he pushes in a second finger and wets his lips as his eyes drop to Stiles’s cock, “Probably, there were still… a _lot_ of things I wanted to do with you.”

“Hopefully they’re still things you can do with me now,” Stiles says suggestively, unable to keep his cock from hardening, especially with two of his mate’s fingers inside of him.

“They are,” the alpha confirms, “But, for a while there, I was beginning to think I’d never be able to. I thought a lot about how much time I wasted when I was with you - being stubborn and stupid.”

“What would you have done different?” Stiles asks, face flushed as he rocks forward some, rubbing himself against Derek, “What kinda things did you wanna do?”

Derek starts steadily fucking the younger man with his fingers, his other hand wrapping around Stiles’s cock the best he can, “Besides for telling you how I felt, and not acting like a butt-hurt alpha because you’d said ‘no’ **once**? There are a lot of things I would’ve done.

“I would’ve treated you right, I wouldn’t have stopped myself every time I heard you getting off in the bathroom - I would’ve just went in there and took what was mine. I would’ve marked you up more, I only ever did it two or three times, when I’d prefer you be covered in them.” He reaches up to touch Stiles’s nipple where it’s stopped bleeding, but there are still his teeth marks.

Stiles narrows his brows as he listens to Derek, breaths coming out in short, quick puffs as he steadies himself with a hand to his mate’s shoulder, his other touching the werewolf’s cheek, “I’d prefer to be covered in them, too,” he admits, unsure of what to say about the other things, because he doesn’t want to tear at any old wounds.

“I want to be on the bottom more,” Derek admits as he stares at Stiles, “Not just once or twice, or during a heat, but just as much as you are. I like it,” he says and smiles slightly, “I liked it before, but I didn’t say it much. And toys… that’s something else.”

One of Stiles’s brows lift curiously and he cants his hips back gently, fingers moving from his mate’s shoulder to splay out against the older man’s neck, “Tell me?” he asks, more than intrigued at this point.

“I’d just like to use them,” Derek shrugs and curls his fingers inside of Stiles, “On you, or have you use them on me, both of us have always been… vanilla, that isn’t vanilla, is it?”

“No, s’not,” Stiles shakes his head, “And we might’ve **been** vanilla before we got with one another, but nothing about us or-” he whimpers, “The things we do together, none of it’s boring - it’s not vanilla in the slightest.”

“I doubt being mated to a werewolf could ever be vanilla,” Derek says as he pulls his fingers back and reaches up once more to touch the sticky seed on Stiles’s stomach and chest, “I have a hard time thinking of you being **tame** in comparison to how we were.”

Stiles whines softly at the loss and watches Derek, waiting to see if he’s going to press his fingers back in, “Maybe it’s just something you bring out of me, or something we bring out of one another - I remember you telling me things used to be pretty run of the mill for you, before me.”

“More or less,” the alpha agrees vaguely, because despite how ‘run of the mill’ it had seemed, maybe it wasn’t as vanilla as Derek had thought. Regardless though, it **is** difficult to be vanilla with a werewolf.

Stiles frowns as he looks at Derek’s fingers, come coating them and they’d slide in so easily if his mate would just- “Derek,” he whines, wetting his lips and looking at the digits expectantly, “Please.”

Derek raises his brows as his length throbs in response and the alpha reaches around slowly, one hand on Stiles’s waist as he holds his mate still and ghosts the tips of his fingers over Stiles’s hole.

“ _Is this what you want?_ ” he asks, voice low as he stares at the younger man.

“You know it is,” Stiles nods numbly, trying to shift back even though Derek’s holding him still, “You can’t just get me started like that and then stop, it’s-it’s… it’s cruel.”

“It **is** cruel, isn’t it,” Derek says teasingly and sits up, leaning in to whisper in Stiles’s ear, “ _But maybe you should beg for it a little more, baby_.”

Stiles’s eyes widen some and his cheeks heat, because while he’s not ashamed and will gladly beg, he’s never really heard Derek request it before, “Please,” he utters shakily, turning his face and pressing his forehead to Derek’s temple, “Derek, please, put them back in me.”

The alpha growls in approval and turns his hand slightly before forcing his fingers back into Stiles, his mouth dropping open at how easy and smooth it is and he runs his other hand up his mate’s waist. He turns to press his lips to Stiles’s, taking the boy’s bottom lip in between his teeth and sucking on it for a moment.

“You sound good when you beg.”

Stiles grunts softly and presses his fingertips through Derek’s hair, eyes searching his mate’s face but he’s otherwise silent. When the alpha’s vocal like this, it takes his breath away and leaves him speechless, hole clenching around the fingers inside of him.

Derek chuckles at the look on Stiles’s face, leaning in to lick at the younger man’s lips as he starts moving the fingers once more, pumping them into his mate as he holds Stiles close, “You’re so beautiful,” he says as he drops his head to nuzzle against the smaller man’s neck, “Everything about you - the way you feel, the way you taste, the way you smell, the way you look,” he kisses under Stiles’s ear, “All of it’s beautiful.”

Stiles’s eyes water with his mate’s words and he slowly wraps his arms around Derek’s neck, hugging the older man even closer as he takes it all in. It’s new, this side of the werewolf he’s never really seen before, he’s so open and vulnerable about what he’s feeling - the sincerity in it makes his chest ache with how much he loves the alpha.

“All of it’s beautiful,” Derek repeats as he curls his fingers in Stiles and rubs insistently over the younger man’s prostate, “And all of it’s **mine** ,” he growls when he says the words, dropping his head down to Stiles’s shoulder as he grabs it in one hand and bites the other man again, sinking his teeth in as he fucks Stiles with his fingers.

“Derek,” Stiles moans and grimaces at the mixture of pleasure and pain, fingers curling into the back of his mate’s hair when his third orgasm hits. It’s not particularly violent, thankfully, cock twitching as a weak rope of come shoots out along his mate’s stomach.

Derek pulls back then and his fingers slide out of Stiles, smoothing up his back as the alpha stands up, lifting Stiles with his other arm and he carries him into the bathroom carefully, ghosting his lips along his mate’s skin as he moves to the shower to turn the water on.

“Big day,” he mutters thoughtfully, “I got your jeep back, and then this happens.”

“Well, ‘this’ has definitely been a long time coming,” Stiles says, smiling slowly as he looks at Derek, “I’m surprised it took this long.”

“I was trying to respect your condition,” the alpha admits, “Which is why I still haven’t fucked and knotted you yet,” he sets Stiles down once the water gets warm enough, “I just wanna make sure that I can control myself long enough not to split you in two.”

“We were gonna have sex the other night, but we were interrupted,” Stiles points out and steps into the tub, “We can wait a little longer, though. You know, until you’re confident things won’t end in blood and pain.”

“And once we’ve gotten you to where you can handle being knotted up,” Derek adds, “Just in case I can’t help myself.”

“Which means we need the plugs, and soon,” Stiles reaches out and grabs Derek’s wrist to tug him into the shower.


	8. Wasting The Money

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Reference Collection](http://magestiles.tumblr.com/private/74432876674/tumblr_mzxj4kCBxh1rxjbyo) \- [Edits](http://magestiles.tumblr.com/tagged/Blue-Moon-Edits)  
> 
> 
> _ I ask that you please read [THIS](http://magestiles.tumblr.com/private/117854533728/tumblr_nnobonL6kb1rxjbyo) before reading on, even if you've been reading a while, PLEASE read it. _

Stiles procures a map from the convenience store across the road while Derek is at work and goes to town, figuratively, trying to figure out the best places to drive to. He knows he wants to go somewhere more secluded, somewhere they won’t run the risk of bumping into too many people. He also wants it to be at least semi-wooded.

The least he can do since his mate got his jeep back for him, is take him somewhere he can stretch his wolf-y legs. He doesn’t tell the alpha about his plan, of course, that’d take most of the fun out of it.

Instead, he waits until Saturday afternoon and puts his shoes on, grabbing Derek’s and sitting them on the coffee table in front of his mate as he raises his brows.

“We’re still going out, right?”

Derek looks up from the case file and pulls the pen from behind his ear as he glances from the shoes to Stiles in confusion, “I thought that you didn’t want to go out and ‘waste money’,” he says, staring at his mate curiously.

“I changed my mind,” Stiles says, trying not to bounce excitedly on the balls of his feet, “Come on, baby, put your shoes on. I wanna go.”

“Okay,” the alpha says slowly and closes the file, standing up and setting it on the couch as he glances at how his mate is already dressed and ready to go, “Let me change first,” he responds before moving to the closet as he takes off his shirt.

Stiles groans dramatically and moves to pace around the room, glancing back occasionally to watch his mate, “Derek,” he complains lightheartedly, “Come on.”

“If you’re that eager, you can go on your own,” the alpha teases, “I won’t stop you,” he says as he pulls on a pair of jeans over the tight boxer briefs he was wearing, reaching out for his belt and paddle holster.

“I know it’s protocol for you,” Stiles says, clearing his throat and looking pointedly at the holster, “But can you leave everything work-related at home, please? Just for today.”

“Is there a particular reason you want me without my gun?” Derek asks skeptically as he sets it aside for the moment and grabs one of his lesser ‘simple’ shirts, pulling it on and grabbing his wallet and badge.

“No?” Stiles answers honestly enough, “Besides, you have claws, there’s really nothing to worry about-hey, what about your purple shirt? You should put it on instead.”

Derek sighs, but changes shirts, “I can’t shoot my claws at people,” he says back, “And I doubt they’d look good going into a case file, too. It’s better to have the gun.”

“You’re not gonna need the gun, Derek,” Stiles says, smiling because the alpha looks damn good in purple, “Now, are you ready, or..?”

“When you get stabbed in the back on this outing and I can’t shoot who does it, I’m saying ‘I told you so’,” Derek responds as he closes the closet door and moves to get his shoes, “I’d rather bring it and not need it than not bring it and need it.”

“Would you please just trust me and stop complaining?” Stiles flails a little bit, eyebrows raised as he watches his mate, “And my **God** you’re slow; you’re a werewolf, pick it up, dude.”

Derek’s tempted to respond with some backhanded, snide remark, or something simple, but settles on what Stiles would probably **least** expect him to say, just in case it works, “Stop bitching, or I’ll shove my dick in your mouth.”

Stiles is about to respond, but he stops, mouth slack and he splutters some as his cheeks heat, “... do we have time for that?” he asks finally.

Derek smirks and shrugs as he stands up, “Depends where you plan on going,” he says dismissively as he moves to Stiles, staring down at the younger man, “I can’t tell you if we do or not.”

Stiles stares up at Derek and huffs after a moment, lips pressing into a firm line and he shakes his head, “No, nope, I can always suck your dick later. I wanna go, like yesterday,” he gestures to the door, “So let’s go-but maybe you should change your shirt again, because you look too good.”

“Shut up, Stiles,” Derek responds, grabbing the back of the younger man’s neck and guiding him out the door as he takes his keys from the table against the wall and locks up.

Stiles moves straight for the elevator while Derek locks up, holding the doors open for his mate and poking his head out, “Can you hurry up and get your bubbly ass in here?”

Derek narrows his eyes as he turns to Stiles and moves to him, pushing the floor button on the elevator as he backs Stiles up against the far wall and stares down at him, “Watch that mouth of yours, or we’ll be _late_.”

Stiles reaches up and smooths his hands over the soft cotton of Derek’s shirt, the corner of his mouth twisting up into a smirk, “You think you’re threatening me, but you’re **really** not.”

“I dunno, you seem to **really** wanna go out in your jeep,” Derek muses aloud, “I think it’s more of a threat than you’re willing to admit.”

“It’d put a little dent in things, but dropping to my knees for you wouldn’t exactly be a hardship,” Stiles responds, twisting the fabric up in his fists, pulling his mate down for a kiss, “And I said ‘bubbly ass’, it was a compliment, you have a really nice ass.”

“I didn’t say it wasn’t a compliment,” Derek lifts a brow and kisses Stiles back heatedly, “I just told you to watch your mouth,” he leans in to whisper in Stiles’s ear, “ _You shouldn’t tempt me so much_.”

The elevator doors open and a couple of girls standing outside of it gasp when they see Derek crowding Stiles up against the wall of the elevator and one of them blushes furiously while the other grins as she looks at them.

The alpha pulls away, hands dropping from his mate’s waist as he looks at Stiles knowingly before walking out of the elevator.

Stiles grins at both of the girls as he follows Derek out, reaching out to tap his mate’s ass and humming to himself when it jiggles, “Yep, nice ass.”

Derek growls in approval and grabs Stiles’s hand, yanking him close as he moves to the jeep, “You do things like that in public, and I’m already withholding the urge to claim you in front of every person I can.”

Stiles withdraws his hand from Derek and keeps their eyes locked, people walking on the sidewalk not even ten feet from them and he reaches back out, gripping the outline of his mate’s cock through his jeans, “Maybe you shouldn’t hold back so much,” he says, only pulling his hand back when an elderly woman gasps and he pulls his keys from his pocket.

“Stiles,” Derek growls in approval and follows after his mate, grinning wide as he moves to the passenger’s side of the jeep and, while he’s still shocked Stiles did such a thing, he’s also **extremely** excited because of it, “Maybe I shouldn’t.”

Stiles grins to himself and unlocks the jeep before climbing in, unlocking his mate’s side before starting it and he rubs his hand along the dashboard, “Daddy missed you, yes he did.”

Derek steps gently into the jeep and ducks down, putting on his seat belt as he closes the door and watches Stiles fondly as he tries to will his erection away.

Stiles glances over at Derek, eyes dropping down to his mate’s lap and he grins before he pulls out, only to almost immediately get stuck in traffic, “Do you know any short cuts that’ll get me across town with minimal traffic?”

“There aren’t really any shortcuts in New York,” Derek admits, “But it’s probably easier to go the long way around, since people will likely be going for the shortcuts…”

“Gotchya,” Stiles nods and sighs, hands gripping firmly on the steering wheel as he settles in for the traffic.

Derek chuckles and shifts in his seat again, “That’s why I normally walk, driving around is impossible.”

“We could talk while we’re waiting,” Stiles offers, “The case you were looking at, what’s it about?”

The alpha swallows tightly, “It’s a pretty big case - if you were even **slightly** involved with the FBI back in California, you’d have heard about it,” he says as he lets out a huff of breath, “One of the agents here was shot and killed, and her partner went missing just four days afterwards.”

“That’s pretty insane,” Stiles says, watching the vehicles in front of him even though they’re not moving, “How did you get your hands on it? I thought you did desk work now?”

“They’ve got sixteen agents on the case,” Derek explains and shrugs, “Since I’m a senior agent, even though I’m doing paperwork, I guess it got priority.”

“Is it just something for you to look at or do they expect you to work it?” Stiles asks, tapping the gas gently any time the traffic budges.

Derek narrows his brows because he, oddly, doesn’t really talk to Stiles about his work, much, normally because there isn’t anything **to** talk about, “I’ve been out on the field the past three days,” he says as he glances at his mate, “Just dealing with leads so far, but chances are it’ll be more next week - I might actually be called into work at some point, as well.”

Stiles tries not to frown or let his disappointment show, “Why didn’t you tell me they put you back on the field?” he asks, briefly glancing over at his mate.

“We’ve kind of been busy at home,” Derek says as he raises his brows, “I guess it just slipped my mind. Every time I’m home… I don’t normally think about work when I’m with you.”

“Right,” Stiles says in understanding, because Derek’s answer is reasonable, “I mean, it’s not like we work together anymore, so why would you associate work with me in the slightest,” he mumbles lowly to himself more than anything, trying to ignore the pang in his chest over the fact that his mate is no longer his partner.

Derek watches Stiles and reaches out to put his hand on his mate’s leg, “You wouldn’t **want** me to associate you with work right now - it’s not something I enjoy doing. As a matter of fact-” he smiles slightly as he squeezes the younger man’s thigh, “It keeps me from what I enjoy doing.”

Stiles looks over at Derek and considers the older man’s words, smiling fondly at his mate after a moment, “I just miss working with you, baby. It was how you and I-” he huffs out a breath and shakes his head, “We were partners before all of this, you know? We worked well together.”

“We only worked well together on **one** case,” Derek points out, “We could’ve worked a lot better together if I cared about even half the things we were doing,” he admits and he looks away, “The only thing I cared about was spending time with you, even before we were together.”

That, in and of itself, sends Stiles’s mind off in another direction and he tilts his head at his mate, “When?” he asks, “When did you actually fall in love with me?”

Derek narrows his brows as he tries to think back and he shrugs, “I dunno, I know I at least felt _something_ when I first went to the bar to meet up with you and Scott - the night you got stabbed. I remember looking at you in the booth beside me and knowing that it was pretty much out of my control. I probably **did** literally fall in love with you, it was like one foot off the edge and the next thing I knew it was all I could think about.”

Stiles nods slowly and grins, “I’m pretty sure I was um-I was infatuated with you from the beginning, not strictly in the ‘I need to get in his pants’ kind of way, but more like the ‘I think this guy is misunderstood and I **need** to figure him out’ kind of way.”

He wets his lips, “Or maybe I did want in your pants from the get-go, I’ve been told I was oblivious.”

“I miss working with you,” the alpha says then, smoothing his hand along Stiles’s leg, “But I don’t miss the work we did. I don’t miss the work I do now. I’d like to work with you again, but I don’t think I’d want it to be the FBI - maybe something you’re into, though, I’ve never really aspired to be anything.”

“My dream job was the FBI,” Stiles tells Derek, “But I don’t think I really took certain things into consideration, namely the bodies. I think I just-I wanted to work cases and figure shit out so badly that I overlooked that little detail.”

Derek nods, “There’s always bodies, especially in anything government related. I **did** say you’d make a great PI, and now that you’ve handled a big case as an agent, you’ve got actual credit under your name, and not just a claim to ability.”

“I can’t just claim to be a PI, either,” Stiles says, humoring the thought a little too much, “I wouldn’t even know where to start, Derek. I’m still trying to get clean, it’s a nice thought.”

“You act like I’m not sitting right beside you,” Derek responds as he narrows his brows, “You may not know where to start, but I do.”

“There are a lot of things I want in life before I consider another career,” Stiles says, moving one hand from the steering wheel to touch Derek’s hand on his leg, “I wanna get clean and I wanna give you a pup…” he lowers his voice, “Maybe go back to Beacon Hills someday?”

The alpha doesn’t respond after that, deciding to let the thought go where it is - whatever Stiles wants is what he’ll do, and he won’t argue it any further. It’s a nice thought, but he’s had plenty of those in his life that he’s let pass by. He turns his hand over and laces his fingers with his mate’s as he turns once more to look out the window.

“Not without you,” Stiles adds after a moment or two, when Derek doesn’t say anything, “I’d never go back without you.”

Derek nods silently, running his thumb along the back of Stiles’s hand and feeling the small smile drop from his face.

He doesn’t like how seriously he’s considering quitting the FBI these days, but it’s not like there’s anything keeping him there - and he’s got plenty saved up to be able to afford dropping a career and picking something else up. Just because Stiles doesn’t want to do it doesn’t mean he can’t. It would probably be better if Derek had it all set up, and by the time Stiles changes his mind, he could just jump right into it.

The rest of the ride is relatively quiet, because it seems like any attempt Stiles makes at getting Derek to say something just backfires and the older man stays resolutely silent. After he parks, it becomes increasingly difficult to hide his excitement, killing the engine and beaming at Derek before climbing out.

Derek lifts his brow as he watches his mate all but jump out of the jeep, that unusual grin plastered on his face and the alpha steps out of his side, looking around the heavily wooded area they’re parked at. Yeah, it’s nice and green, and they’ve been stuck in New York, but he doesn’t particularly understand what the Hell his mate is so excited about.

The alpha frowns warily and locks his door before closing it and walking around to the front, “Did you miss trees?”

Stiles stills long enough to look up at Derek, both equal parts peeved and proud at the sarcasm, but he snorts and shakes his head, “No, kind of, I dunno?” he answers vaguely, then grabs his mate’s hand and takes off towards said trees, “Come on.”

Derek smiles slightly as he follows, walking slowly and being inwardly amused at how easy it is to keep up with his mate. He squeezes Stiles’s hand gently and glances around still, not quite understanding what they’re doing, “You didn’t drive me all of the way out here just to have sex outside of the loft, did you?”

“As much as I wouldn’t mind that, because it’d mean actually fucking, no,” Stiles answers and waits until they’re in far enough - the denseness of the trees able to block everything out - then starts lifting at Derek’s shirt, trying to get it off of him.

Derek chuckles nervously at his mate and grabs Stiles’s hand, “What are you doing? What did you **just** say?” he asks as he stares skeptically, “You just said we didn’t come out here for sex.”

“We didn’t,” Stiles confirms and huffs impatiently, rucking the fabric up under his mate’s underarms, “Now would you just-help me out here and get naked, shouldn’t be so difficult to get you undressed.”

“Stiles,” the alpha frowns and glances around, “Have you completely lost your mind?” he asks it, but he lets Stiles take off his shirt, helping the younger man despite his confusion and reservations.

Stiles doesn’t just ball the shirt up once he gets it off of the older man, but he folds it instead and sits it down on the grass next to him before tackling Derek’s jeans, tongue pursed between his lips as he unbuttons them, sliding the zipper down excitedly before shoving all the fabric down, “Totally should’ve taken your shoes off first. Whoops.”

Derek sighs in annoyance and bends down to untie his shoes, pushing them off carefully and stepping out of his pants as he huffs, “ **What** are you doing, Stiles?”

Stiles steps closer and very slowly pushes Derek’s boxer briefs down, eyes glued to his mate’s, “I want you to shift,” he says earnestly, palms smoothing over the thick globes of the werewolf’s ass, “And run, and go stretch your wolf-y legs until you’re so tired you can’t move.”

Derek growls in approval when Stiles touches his ass and he shakes his head, still confused, “I thought we came on this ride for **you** to stretch your legs, not me.”

“I can,” Stiles shrugs and squeezes the older man’s ass before letting go, “I mean, it’s not like I’ll be able to keep up with you, but I can run a little too if you want? I just want you to let loose for a little bit - yeah, be a fucking werewolf, man.”

“Okay,” the alpha agrees, leaning down and cupping Stiles’s cheeks, kissing him and staring him in the eyes, “You can ride me.”


	9. Who You Are

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Reference Collection](http://magestiles.tumblr.com/private/74432876674/tumblr_mzxj4kCBxh1rxjbyo) \- [Edits](http://magestiles.tumblr.com/tagged/Blue-Moon-Edits)  
> 
> 
> _ I ask that you please read [THIS](http://magestiles.tumblr.com/private/117854533728/tumblr_nnobonL6kb1rxjbyo) before reading on, even if you've been reading a while, PLEASE read it. _

“You should rephrase that, right this moment, otherwise you’re gonna have a boner poking you in the back and it’s not my fault,” Stiles says all in one breath, pushing up for another kiss.

Derek shakes his head as he pulls back and, for the first time in over five years, he shifts willingly, fur growing out over his skin quickly as his teeth sharpen, tail dropping down and brushing against the ground out as he starts growing upwards.

Stiles grins as he watches his mate, rolling excitedly on the balls of his feet, “God, you’re beautiful like this, we need to do this more often - it’s not like it isn’t good for you.”

The alpha stretches completely, shaking out his fur and looking at Stiles as he reaches out to pick up the younger man. He’s not sure if he’d consider himself ‘beautiful’ in this form, but the thought is nice. He pulls Stiles close, licking at his mate’s face before reaching back to set the other man on his back, “ _ **Hold on**_ , _**don’t worry about pulling my fur too tight**_.”

“You got it, baby,” Stiles responds and smiles as he grabs the fur, leaning into it and trying to tamp down his excitement.

Derek chuckles and drops to all fours, starting off slow enough to make sure that Stiles is comfortable as he moves carefully through the trees, “ _ **So what made you think of doing this?**_ ”

“You?” Stiles answers vaguely, nuzzling his face into the fur, “The thought of you not having shifted in so long, I dunno. Being a werewolf is who you are and I think it sucks that you don’t get to enjoy it nearly as much as you should.”

“ _ **It wasn’t**_ **too** _ **different in California**_ ,” Derek admits, speeding up a little more, “ _ **I shifted some times in California**_ , _ **but not as much as I probably could’ve**_. **_It’s_** … **_it’s less and less as I get older_** , _**honestly**_.”

“I just want you to be in touch with that side of yourself,” Stiles tells him, “We’re gonna have a pup, likely more than one, and they’re not only gonna need a dad, but an alpha, too. You shouldn’t go so long without shifting, it can’t be good for you.”

Derek nods in agreement, “ _ **It’s exhausting**_ ,” he says as he licks his teeth, “I ** _don’t like keeping it in at all_**. _**It was bad enough before**_ , _**when I was shifting at**_ **least** _ **once a month**_ , _**during the full moon**_ , **_but since I came up to New York I’ve only shifted a handful of times_**.”

“We’re gonna remedy that,” Stiles tells him and blows a breath out at the werewolf’s ear, grinning before kissing the fur.

“ _ **It’s a bit of a drive**_ ,” Derek responds as his ear flicks a few times before narrowing back against his head, “ _ **How often are you wanting to come out?**_ ”

“Once, maybe twice a week, or just on the weekends,” Stiles says, paying no mind to the trees whizzing by, otherwise he’ll get sick.

That’s far more often than Derek was thinking Stiles had meant, but he likes it, smiling to himself as he moves through the trees, “ _ **Coming here that often**_ , _ **you’ll end up spoiling me**_.”

“That’s the idea,” Stiles says and relaxes against his mate’s back, fingers scratching idly through the fur as the breeze from Derek running whips his hair all over the place.

“ _ **We’ll have to get you a saddle**_ ,” the alpha jokes, snickering, and the sound is unusual in his alpha form. He slows as he reaches a large cluster of rocks, jumping up quickly and landing on some of the higher ones as he moves carefully up.

“Or, you know, you could always just massage my thighs afterwards, that works, too,” Stiles says suggestively, trying not to yelp with the alpha’s movements.

Derek turns and licks Stiles’s neck, moving down along the rocks as he pauses, hind leg reaching up to scratch at his side. It’s been a while since he’s done so much, and while he’s not exhausted, he is somewhat sore, “ _ **I don’t do this often enough**_.”

“Pretty sure that’s the whole reason we’re here,” Stiles says sarcastically, brushing a fallen leaf from his mate’s fur.

The alpha sits and lets Stiles slide off his back as he glances up at the large waterfall, looking it over before stretching his legs out in front of him.

Stiles pats the werewolf and moves around to Derek’s side, narrowing his eyes as he looks at all the water, “You gonna swim?”

Derek shrugs and looks at Stiles, ducking down to lick his mate’s cheek, “ ** _Do you want to?_** ”

“Do **I** want to?” Stiles repeats the question and shrugs, “I dunno, I could get wet, but only if you want me to.”

“ _ **It could be nice**_ ,” the alpha says as he turns to the younger man, nuzzling his nose against Stiles’s shirt, “ _ **You made me take off my clothes**_ , _**it’s only fair you take off yours**_.”

“You just wanna see me naked,” Stiles grins and playfully pushes Derek’s muzzle away before lifting up the hem of his shirt, pulling the fabric over his head and dropping it to the ground, “Pervy wolf.”

Derek leans in and licks over Stiles’s right nipple, “ _ **You’re mine**_ , _**it’s my right to want to see you naked**_.”

“Mm,” Stiles hums as his nipple hardens, fingers working to undo his jeans as he grins at Derek, “I like when you get like that,” he admits, “All authoritative and ' _mine, mine, mine_ '. It’s hot.” 

“ _ **It’s nice to be able to say**_ ,” Derek says as he leans up a little to scent the younger man’s neck, “ _ **I was too ashamed of myself to say it before**_.”

“I’m glad you’re not now,” Stiles mumbles and tilts his neck against the cool nose, hands pushing his jeans and boxers down as he toes out of his shoes.

Derek grins and picks Stiles up, walking towards the water and stepping in slowly, keeping his mate above the surface, “ _ **Me too**_ , _ **it took**_ … _**a lot of time to be able to even think it**_.”

Stiles instinctively tightens his legs around Derek the best he can when he feels the water nipping at his feet, “I like hearing you say it.”

“ _ **It wasn’t right that I denied you that**_ ,” Derek says softly as he settles Stiles in the water, moving carefully in until his feet barely reach the bottom, “ _ **I can’t go back and change what I did to you**_ , **_but I intend to say it as often as possible_** , _**now**_.”

“Good,” Stiles responds weakly, trying not to shiver as the water elicits goosebumps, “But be prepared for instantaneous boners every time you say it.”

“ _ **I’m always prepared for instantaneous boners**_ ,” the alpha chuckles, “ _ **Or my favorite**_ , _ **the ones you get for absolutely no reason as far as I can tell**_ \- _**I never understand them**_ , _**but I like them**_.”

“Being around you as much as I am, I’m entitled to a few random boners,” Stiles chuckles as well and splashes some water on the alpha’s chest, “It’s a thing, it totally happens.”

“ _ **I doubt that it’s just me**_ , _**you used to get them before we were together too**_ ,” Derek says, splashing Stiles back as gently as possible, “ _ **It was the most sexually frustrating thing to sit across from you**_ , _**knowing you were erect**_.”

“If you were sitting across from me, chances are it **was** because of you,” Stiles tells him, “I can’t really control my body and you’ve always been insanely attractive, so an inappropriately timed boner seems like a thing that would happen.”

Derek watches Stiles, slowly letting the younger man go as he lowers into the water himself, ducking his head under for a moment once his mate is done talking and he comes back up, shaking out his fur, “ _ **You never made it easy not to knot you in the office**_ , _**I came close a**_ **few** _ **times**_.”

“Even before you told me how you felt?” Stiles asks curiously, swimming away a little as he watches the werewolf.

“ _ **Once**_ , _ **before I told you**_ ,” Derek admits, “ _ **And you remember when**_ - _ **when I kissed you in the conference room**_. _**I almost lost it completely**_.”

“Oh, wow,” Stiles says and nods, brows narrowing, because he’d almost completely forgotten about that and it was technically their first kiss, “I remember being so confused and before I could say anything, you were just-you left.”

“ _ **It was either leave or bend you over the table**_ , _**rip your pants off**_ , _**and knot you**_ ,” Derek shrugs and swims quickly around Stiles, “ _ **I couldn’t do that to you**_ , _**no matter how badly I wanted you**_. _**But it’s in my nature to take what I want**_.”

Stiles turns in the water and watches Derek as he swims around him, “I can’t even remember if I kissed you back, I was so dumbfounded. I shouldn’t have been, though.”

“ _ **I’ve regretted a lot of things in my life**_ ,” Derek says as he moves in close, “ _ **But not quite as much as that kiss**_ , _ **or telling you how I felt afterwards**_. _**I regretted them both a lot when you started acting different with me**_.”

“I didn’t mean to act different,” Stiles tries to explain as he tugs his mate closer by the fur, “It was just a lot to take in, knowing that you - a man who acted so cold and mean sometimes - had feelings for me. I mean, I know I busted my ass to try and get you to let your walls down with me, but I never anticipated you loving me.”

“ _ **I never really anticipated being able to feel that way about**_ **anyone** _ **again**_ ,” the alpha mutters as he wraps his arms back around Stiles, “ _ **I didn’t even want to**_.”

“It’s difficult not to love me,” Stiles teases softly and kisses along the werewolf’s muzzle, “It’s a curse, really.”

“ _ **It is**_ **very** _ **difficult**_ ,” Derek agrees, closing his eyes and leaning into the touch, “ _ **I’m not the kind to easily fall for anyone**_ , _ **at all**_. _**You already know that I haven’t been in many relationships**_ , _**and the few that I’ve had**_ , _**only one was ever even remotely serious**_.” 

“I know you’re not the kind to just fall in love,” Stiles nods and scratches the wet fur behind his mate’s ear, kissing the werewolf’s cool nose, “Which is why I feel so honored to have your love.”

Derek leans his head in, brushing his nose against Stiles’s lips before licking them over, “ ** _I can empathize_**. _**But we’re also just as entitled to have it**_ , _**as well**_. _**We deserve one another**_ , _ **we’re good for one another**_ , _**especially now**_.”

“Yeah, and not only are we good for one another, but I need you,” Stiles tells him, looking the alpha in the eyes, “I’ve always needed you, I don’t think I’d still be alive without you.”

“ ** _I don’t think it_** , **_I know it_** ,” Derek says and smiles slightly, “ _ **You’ve almost died three times at**_ **least**. _**Granted**_ , _**maybe if you weren’t around me**_ , _**you wouldn’t have been put in those positions to begin with**_ , _**but I have a feeling you would’ve gotten yourself into something anyway**_.”

“Probably, yeah,” Stiles smiles at the way the alpha looks when he grins, all toothy and goofy looking.

Derek runs his paw down Stiles’s body, “ _ **You may not have actually saved my life**_ , _**physically**_ , _**but it was just as effective**_. _ **I’ve always needed you**_ , _ **I needed you before I met you**_.”

“That’s actually really sweet,” Stiles says and hooks his legs around Derek under the water.

“ _ **Anyone at work would agree**_ ,” the alpha says, leaning back with Stiles close on his chest as he swims backwards, “ _ **It’s one of the reasons I don’t mind being back on the field**_ , _**at least for now**_.”

“What do you mean?” Stiles asks in confusion, because now he’s not so sure he understands.

Derek licks his teeth as he leans back to look up at the sky, “ _ **It’s difficult to explain**_ , _**you’d have to have seen how I was before**_ , _ **without you - I couldn’t be around people**_. _**I’m not that good of a person when I don’t have a**_ **reason** _ **to be good**_ , _**anymore**_.”

“I’m your reason to be good?” Stiles asks rhetorically and grins so wide his face hurts, launching forward suddenly to push the alpha under the water as he swims away.

Derek narrows his brows in confusion as he sits up and turns to snatch Stiles out of the water, pulling him back in, “ _ **Did I get too ‘sappy’ for you?**_ ”

Stiles yelps a little when Derek pulls him back in and he chuckles, spitting out a mouthful of water, “Nope, it was just the perfect opportunity to dunk you.”

“ _ **Just because you’re my anchor**_ , _**doesn’t give you a right to dunk me under water**_ ,” Derek says, “ _ **If I was a real wolf**_ , _**I probably would’ve drowned**_.”

“This is what couples do,” Stiles chuckles, “When they swim together, they splash and dunk, so stop your belly aching and take it as a sign of endearment.”

“ _ **Humans have unusual signs of endearment**_ ,” Derek observes as he leans low, licking the water from Stiles’s skin, “ _ **The first song you dance to was odd enough**_ , _**but now I have to remember this one as well**_. _ **Why can’t you keep it simple? Knotting**_ , _**mating**_ , _**scenting**_ , _**claiming**_ , _**marking - those make sense**_.”

“I’d gladly keep it simple and to your standards, but we’re not even fucking yet, so…” Stiles shrugs, “You’re free to do the others I suppose.”

“ _ **You’re lucky that I don’t keep to traditional werewolf ‘endearments’**_ ,” Derek says as he raises a brow and moves slowly back to the edge of the small lake, “ _ **I’m not that socially inclined**_ , _ **or kind and tolerable**_ , _**but I’m one of the best of our kind as far as not acting out**_.”

Stiles doesn’t even understand what that’s supposed to mean, but he doesn’t ask either, he just watches the alpha and splashes a little water, “Where’re you going, you getting out?”

“ _ **Just swimming**_ ,” the alpha responds as he looks at Stiles, moving back slowly but ducking under the water completely once he gets a couple yards from his mate.

“Hey!” Stiles shouts, a note of panic in his tone when Derek disappears and he turns in the water, kicking his legs frantically, “Don’t you shark me! I swear to God, Derek!”

Derek moves along the floor of the lake, planting his feet and watching until Stiles is facing his direction before crouching down and propelling himself as hard as he possibly can. He’s never particularly considered how strong he actually can be, but he remembers leaping up to the tree Kate was in and snatching her up like a doll, so it doesn’t surprise him when he bursts through the water about five yards in front of Stiles and doesn’t stop until he’s nearly a mile up.

Stiles jolts in the water when Derek erupts, but he calms almost at once as he watches the alpha, “Okay, so, less of a shark and more of a show off dolphin. Got it,” he says to himself.

When Derek comes back down, it’s practically seamless, falling back into the water without so much as a splash and he slowly comes back up from underneath Stiles this time, lifting the smaller, naked man onto his back as he lets out a huff of breath, “ _ **I was just curious**_ ,” he admits, scratching his claws through the fur on his chest.

“Mhm,” Stiles hums and holds onto the werewolf, trying to pull himself up a little further on his mate’s back.

“ _ **Would you have rather I scared you?**_ ” the alpha asks and smirks, “ _ **I could**_.”

“That’s what I was anticipating when you disappeared,” Stiles tells him, “And the thing with scaring someone is that you make their heart race and then you get to console them, which means a whole lot of me clinging to a whole lot of you… with or without a fear boner,” he chuckles.

Derek’s ears perk up curiously and he swims around in the water, quickly making laps, “ _ **What’s a ‘fear boner’?**_ ”

“It’s just like a boner, babe, a lot like the random unexplainable boners, they happen when you get scared,” Stiles tries to explain, “I dunno, maybe I just have a boner for every situation.”

“ _ **It wouldn’t surprise me**_ ,” Derek says as he shakes his head, “ _ **I don’t particularly like scaring you**_. _ **I remember how you reacted to me when you saw me in this form for the first time**_. _ **It’s not a look I’d like to see on you again**_.”

“I reacted the way I did because of your uncle, what Peter did,” Stiles tells him, “My fear was never really because of you, it was him.”

Derek speeds up a little more, cutting across the water as he listens and it’s still difficult for him to look back and consider that man he fought and killed as his uncle, of all people, “ _ **Why was it because of him?**_ ”

“He was terrifying in the no good, really **really** bad touch kind of way,” Stiles shivers when he thinks about it, “He was creepy, I think he got off on making me piss myself. Wasn’t too fond of the whole him shoving his fingers into my stomach thing, either.”

“ _ **He wasn’t always like that**_ ,” Derek says softly, “ _ **He was still manipulative**_ , _ **of course**_ , _**but he wasn’t twisted like that before**_. _**He never would’ve put so many humans in danger**_. _ **If you could believe it**_ , _**he was actually a family man**_ , _**my mother’s brother**_ , _**and my father’s best friend**_.”

“I believe you, but it’s still not something easy for me to imagine,” Stiles shrugs, “He tried to kill me, I usually prefer not to think about him.”

“ _ **Me too**_ ,” the alpha agrees as he sits up and takes Stiles back up in his arms, bringing him around once more, “ _ **Killing your last blood relative isn’t something anyone should like to think about at all**_.”

“Yeah, so let’s not talk about it anymore,” Stiles insists, kicking his feet in the water.

Derek watches Stiles, resting his paws on the floor of the lake once more, “ _ **I’ve seen you truly scared a few other times as well**_ ,” he says, “ _ **I’m not sure if I could purposefully scare you**_ , _**even if I wanted to**_.”

“Okay,” Stiles says simply, “That’s fine, I’m not asking you to scare me.”

Derek smiles and leans in to scent Stiles’s neck, “ _ **I’d prefer to**_ **excite** _ **you instead, make your heart race and get you to cling to me**_ **that** _ **way**_.”

“Good luck with that,” Stiles says flippantly, trying to act like what the alpha’s doing isn’t effecting him in the slightest, but the corner of his mouth is twitching up regardless.

“ _ **You don’t need to act so blase**_ ,” Derek responds as he pulls Stiles in close, the claws on his right hand sliding down the younger man’s back, over his ass, the tips of a couple pressing carefully between the cheeks as the alpha runs his tongue over his mate’s chest and throat.

“Dunno what you’re talking about,” Stiles says shakily, breath hitching in his throat as he touches the werewolf’s fur, body already reacting to his mate.

Derek snickers, “ _ **Even if I couldn’t**_ **tell** _ **you were lying**_ , _ **I’d still know that you were**_ , _**baby**_ ,” he reaches up with his other claw, grabbing the back of Stiles’s neck and staring at him for a moment before filling the younger man’s mouth with his tongue.

Stiles whimpers and opens his mouth for the werewolf, weakly pushing his tongue back against Derek’s as he flushes all over, despite being chilly from the water.

The alpha pulls back, smirking and swimming back to the edge of the water before stepping out and setting Stiles down by his clothes, dropping down on all fours and shaking the water from his fur.

“Handy little trick,” Stiles grumbles and shivers, then imitates the alpha somewhat and tries to shake the water off of himself, “You’ll probably be dry before we even get back to your clothes.”

“ _ **Likely**_ ,” Derek responds, leaning in and licking the beads of water from Stiles stomach, tongue lapping over his skin before turning his mate around.

“What are you doing? I need to get dressed before I get pneumonia or something,” Stiles says, looking back at the older man.

Derek grabs Stiles’s waist, holding him firmly as he runs his tongue up the back of his mate’s neck, “ _ **No you won’t**_ ,” he mutters, licking along the smaller man’s hairline as the water gathers at the ends of Stiles’s hair, his claws pressing carefully against the sensitive skin just under his mate’s navel.

“You don’t know that, I’m human,” Stiles points out and tries not to chuckle, because the alpha’s tongue tickles, “Are you trying to dry me off?”

“ _ **Not**_ **exactly** ,” Derek says as he ducks his head down, licking up the backs of Stiles’s calves and thighs before pressing his nose between the younger man’s legs.

“D-Derek!” Stiles squawks and almost falls forward, eyes wide as he reaches back to touch the werewolf for stability.

Derek reaches up to hold Stiles’s chest firmly, keeping him still as the alpha laps over his balls and taint, up between his cheeks and over his tight, puckered entrance, growling as he does so before scenting his mate.

“I seriously need to reconsider the whole no sex in the woods thing,” Stiles breathes out shakily, eyes fluttering closed when he feels his mate breathing him in.

The older man smooths his paws down Stiles’s body, drying him, but also making him smell as much like Derek as possible, without having to involve bodily fluids. He pulls back finally leaning up to lick under Stiles’s chin one last time before he sits on his haunches and looks over his mate, as satisfied as he’s going to get for now.

Stiles looks at the werewolf, small grin playing at his lips as he gestures to himself, “Are we good now? Can I get dressed?”

“ _ **Yes**_ ,” Derek answers shortly, but still reaches out to grab Stiles’s ass one more time as he smirks and licks his teeth, " _ **If you feel you absolutely have to**_.”

“Well, if we’re heading back, I kinda have to,” Stiles says and picks his clothes up, tugging his boxers on first.

Derek waits patiently, shaking out a couple more times, trying not to get his mate wet again before licking and cleaning his paws and tail.

Stiles gets dressed quickly and moves to the alpha, scratching under the older man’s muzzle as he kisses the end of it, “Ready?”

“Of course,” Derek responds, tilting his head into the touch of Stiles’s nails before picking the younger man up, putting him on his back and moving slowly back down the rock face as he sniffs the air to catch the scent from his clothes.

Stiles leans against Derek, hands moving against the fur as he anticipates his mate taking off.

The alpha smiles to himself as he feels Stiles holding him firmly and, though he’s going to have to go back to New York and feel crowded again, back in his office and his loft, the outing was nice, regardless - he’s kind of surprised he’d never considered doing it before (although it probably has something to do with how hard it’ll be to contain himself again).


	10. The Office Visit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Reference Collection](http://magestiles.tumblr.com/private/74432876674/tumblr_mzxj4kCBxh1rxjbyo) \- [Edits](http://magestiles.tumblr.com/tagged/Blue-Moon-Edits)  
> 
> 
> _ I ask that you please read [THIS](http://magestiles.tumblr.com/private/117854533728/tumblr_nnobonL6kb1rxjbyo) before reading on, even if you've been reading a while, PLEASE read it. _

Stiles probably shouldn’t be as excited as he is about going to a sex shop, but he’s practically vibrating with anxiousness as he opens the front door to the place and steps in.

It’s a lot nicer than other shops he’s seen, dimly lit with darker colors, shades of red and purples and as he’s looking around, his eyes catch something shiny and he’s off, without so much as a word to Derek.

He picks up the nipple clamps at once and puts them to his chest, grinning as he turns to look at his mate, “What do you think?”

Derek follows slow and tentative after his mate, moving to Stiles and reaching out to take what the younger man is holding before looking at it in confusion. He’s not **completely** sheltered, but he normally keeps to certain sections of the stores when he’s on his own, “What’s it for?”

“Nipples,” Stiles tells him enthusiastically, taking them back and fiddling with the clamps before attaching them to his own through his shirt, “See?”

Derek’s cheeks heat as he tries to think about it and he clears his voice, glancing around, “Sure.”

“These’ll be awesome when I’m pregnant,” Stiles muses and takes them back off, clutching the clamps in his hand as he moves around some more, eying the cock rings.

The alpha continues to follow Stiles, his hand reaching out to touch his mate’s lower back as he looks around the displays, his fingers curling slightly against the younger man’s shirt, trying his hardest **not** to imagine Stiles at about eight months pregnant with the clamps on his chest.

Stiles grabs one of the cock rings and looks it over, then tucks it under his arm, because he wants it, too, “Could feel good, might keep me from coming so quick.”

Derek doesn’t respond the way he wants to - by saying that he **likes** that Stiles comes quickly - instead, he leans down and presses his lips to the top of his mate’s head, “As long as you’re gonna use it, you can get anything you want.”

“Can we get a sex swing?” Stiles asks and grins up at Derek, imagining the alpha fucking him in it.

The older man isn’t particularly sure what a ‘sex swing’ is, but the term probably doesn’t leave much to the imagination. He shrugs, “Yeah, if it’s what you want, we can get one.”

“If I had my way, we’d probably buy out the whole place, so…” Stiles shrugs and looks at Derek, “A little input from you might be nice.”

“I can’t give input on things I don’t know or understand,” the alpha explains as he looks back down at Stiles, “I dunno what it is, but if it’s what you want, I’m more than willing to do it, baby.”

Stiles nods and decides it’s probably best not to get it, he should just find the plugs so they can get those and get out of here, “Where’re the plugs?”

Derek lifts his brow in confusion before taking Stiles across the store to the opposite side and glancing over the large array of plugs before looking at his mate.

Stiles doesn’t particularly remember all of the sizes from before, so he just grabs a bunch of varying sizes, then glances up at Derek, “Yeah?”

The alpha nods and offers the shopping basket to Stiles before turning around and wandering along the farthest side of the shop as he looks at things. He’s only veered away from the plugs a couple times, but he knows a couple things he wants to get for his mate.

Stiles puts everything in the shopping basket and frowns when Derek takes off somewhere else, following after his mate curiously, “What are you looking for, babe?”

“If you’re not gonna shop for other things, I will,” the alpha responds shortly as he glances over a few things that make him a **little** more nervous to explore the rest of the store, like an odd toy - he can’t even begin to assume how it’s used - with large black beads almost the size of his palm and he passes them by, continuing to look around.

“I’ve got the plugs, a cock ring and nipple clamps, I wasn’t aware you wanted me to get more,” Stiles responds, slightly irritated with the older man’s attitude.

Derek stops finally, reaching out to grab up one of the unusually shaped toys before turning to Stiles and putting it in the basket as he meets the other man’s eyes, “I don’t think the plugs count, considering they’re more of a necessity. I told you to get anything you wanted, I wasn’t kidding, Stiles.”

“Anything,” Stiles repeats and then nods, “Okay, but you’re asking for it,” he says, then turns to go get the sex swing, trying his best to lug it under his arm as he grabs different kinds of flavored lube and a prostate massager.

The alpha watches his mate, following Stiles patiently and chuckling to himself as the younger man starts grabbing various things. He offers the basket once Stiles takes up the prostate massager and glances around the store, “Anything else?”

Stiles looks around, trying to spot the dildos, “Yeah, I need like, a massive dildo for when you’re at work and I want something inside of me,” he says flippantly, winking at the alpha.

Derek’s mouth dries and his eyes widen, it’s ridiculous how the rest of his body reacts and he growls low in his chest before guiding Stiles to the plugs once more, a little past them, closer to the registers and tries to keep his hands to himself the best he can.

Stiles hums to himself as he looks them over, ignoring the smaller ones entirely. He’s about to grab a rather plain looking black one, because it’s nice in size, but then he picks up a bright purple one instead, fake veins all over it and just thinking about sitting on it makes his dick twitch excitedly.

The alpha glances down at himself and then back up at Stiles in amusement as he catches the sudden arousal coming off his boy and he moves in close, putting his hand back on Stiles’s lower back, “Anything else?” he asks, voice lower than he intends it to be.

“Nope,” Stiles responds and swallows, putting the huge dildo into the shopping basket, “We got a good bit, I wanna go home now, yep.”

Derek chuckles and nods, “Alright,” he says softly and moves to the front register, putting the basket on the counter and reaching into his back pocket for his wallet once he sets the ‘sex swing’ down beside the basket.

The clerk rings everything up slowly, looking between Stiles and Derek curiously, “Your total is two thirty-five seventy-three.”

The alpha pulls three hundred dollar bills from his wallet and hands it over, keeping his hands on the counter as he waits, glancing back around the store once more.

Stiles waits impatiently as the clerk takes the money, then hands the appropriate amount of change back to his mate.

“You two have fun,” she says, looking at them both knowingly as she grins.

Derek nods as he puts the money back in his wallet, his wallet into his back pocket, and then reaches out to take the bags, moving to the door and opening it for Stiles, watching his mate as he smiles to himself.

“We’re gonna have fun when we get home,” Stiles tells the older man matter-of-factually, leaning into the werewolf’s side some.

“That’s the idea,” Derek agrees as he moves to his vehicle, reaching out to open the back trunk and putting everything in carefully before walking around to the driver’s side and stepping in, ducking down as he reaches out to shut his door.

Stiles clambers into the vehicle and fastens his seat belt, knees bouncing anxiously as he looks over at Derek, “Can I use that prostate massager on you?”

Derek nods as he starts the car and puts on his seat belt, “You can use anything you **want** on me,” he says honestly, looking at Stiles and winking at him before backing out of the parking lot.

Stiles gapes and splutters and the thought of using everything on Derek has him so hard it hurts, “All of it, I’m gonna use it all, even the big purple dildo, just to see you all stretched out.”

The alpha probably should’ve expected such a response, but he doesn’t, and it nearly causes him to run over the sidewalk as he’s turning onto the main road. He’s **definitely** not opposed to it, and is kind of excited to be able to be put into such a situation by his mate, considering their size differences.

“Oh my God, you’re gonna look so good,” Stiles groans as he thinks about it, shifting uncomfortably in his seat as he rubs his hand over the outline of his cock, “Nipples all pink and sensitive, cock full and leaking, completely unable to come until I take the cock ring off-can you hurry up and get us home?”

“ _ **Stiles**_ ,” Derek growls as his eyes dart to the younger man’s hand, watching him touch himself and the alpha’s mouth waters, “I can’t go faster,” he says wearily, “This is New York.”

Stiles nods and looks towards the back of the vehicle, unbuckling his seat belt at once and climbing into the back, leaning over the seats to sift through the bags, grabbing the nipple clamps and the cock ring before moving back to his seat. He lays the cock ring down for a moment and leans over to his mate, shoving Derek’s shirt up far enough to get to his nipples.

Stiles brushes his fingers over them, getting them hard before attaching the clamps, “You’re gonna be begging to come by the time I’m done with you.”

Derek blinks in confusion and looks down, gasping when Stiles sets the first clamp in place and his cheeks flush, cock straining painfully against the front of his jeans as he looks at his mate. He’d ask what the Hell Stiles is doing, but he’s not **that** stupid, he’s getting the drift.

“Stiles,” he says in warning.

“Don’t ‘Stiles’ me,” Stiles says, grinning as he tugs on the cord attaching the clamps and then he pulls his mate’s shirt back down, hands moving for the older man’s fly, chuckling some because Derek’s already hard, “You’re excited.”

“Of course I am,” Derek says gruffly and rolls his eyes, even as difficult a thing it is to do when he’s still so focused on the clamps on his chest, “It’s difficult not to be.”

“Mhm,” Stiles hums as he pulls Derek’s zipper down, reaching into the pants to pull his mate’s cock out and his mouth salivates the second he sees it, so he leans down and takes the older man into his mouth for a moment.

Derek ignores the comment he overhears from the car beside them and drops his right hand from the steering wheel, shaky fingers running through the hair on the back of Stiles’s head, scratching down and caressing the nape of his mate’s neck as his cock pulses desperately, painfully erect already.

Stiles groans around the girth when it pulses and holds his breath, sinking down as far as he can go, fingers teasing Derek’s knot lightly. He pulls off after a moment, though, wanting his mate to stay hard so he picks the ring up and takes it out of the packaging, sliding it carefully into place before tucking the older man away.

Derek watches the action curiously and, though he wants to complain, or say something, he doesn’t. Preferring instead to run his hand around to cup and brush Stiles’s cheek before returning his hand to the steering wheel. He doesn’t understand most of it, but figures it might make sense later, maybe.

* * *

It takes nearly an hour to get back to the loft because of lunchtime traffic and by the time Derek parks in his usual spot, he’s so anxious and sensitive that he can’t keep still in his seat and he **doesn’t** touch himself because he isn’t actually sure if it would be better or worse if he did.

He tries to remain calm, stepping out of his vehicle and moving to the back to get the rest of the things they bought, all but twitching as he walks, opening the trunk and grabbing the bags as he whines in the back of his throat.

Stiles climbs out of the vehicle as well and watches Derek in amusement, chewing on his thumb nail as he moves closer to the trunk, eyes dropping down to the alpha’s blatantly obvious erection, “You doing okay, baby?”

“ _ **Yeah**_ ,” the werewolf responds shortly as he closes the trunk and lets out a huff of breath, locking up the vehicle before moving to the elevator and swallowing tightly as he steps inside. He waits for Stiles before punching the ‘6’ button and frowns when the plastic case it’s in cracks.

Stiles snorts when Derek breaks the button and moves to his mate, rubbing his palm against the outline of the werewolf’s cock, “Bet it’s probably damn near purple,” he muses and squeezes the girth through the older man’s slacks, looking up into his mate’s eyes, “How are your nipples?”

Derek groans when Stiles touches him and shifts his feet, “I dunno,” he responds as honestly as possible, they hurt in the beginning, but he hasn’t really felt them much for the past half hour or so.

Stiles grins and pushes his other hand up under Derek’s shirt, scraping his nails over the werewolf’s soft tummy before tugging gently at the cord to gauge his mate’s reaction.

The alpha gasps and his cock throbs painfully, his claws extending as he whimpers and reaches out to grab Stiles’s arm, not particularly caring that the bag he was holding drops to the floor of the elevator, “ _ **Stiles**_.”

“Mm?” Stiles hums and smirks, tugging at the cord again, because he likes the way Derek’s reacting to it, “I’m okay with the claws, but do you think you could try not to go all alpha on me? I’d kinda like to know what it feels like to be in some kind of position of power, seeing as we’re already experimenting.”

Derek nods, not bothering to mention that if Stiles **wasn’t** in a position of power, he would’ve ripped the ring off back in the vehicle and shoved his mate’s mouth back on his cock.

“I won’t,” he says as his bottom lip shakes and his nails curl into Stiles’s sleeve.

“Awesome,” Stiles says, a little too enthralled as he leans up and kisses Derek chastely for a moment, elevator doors opening and he pulls back, walking out and to their loft.

Derek leans down a little stiffly to get the bag he’d dropped before following after Stiles, eyes all but glued on the younger man’s backside as he reminds himself that it’s more than worth it, whatever his mate plans to do, even though he’s already more impatient than he’s ever been before, he refuses to rush Stiles.

Stiles unlocks the door and slides it open before stepping in, leaving it open for his mate as he rolls the sleeves of his button up back, body thrumming in excitement, “Hey, babe, so I know the whole purpose of the cock ring is to keep you from coming, but wearing it and actively practicing orgasm denial are two different things… are you okay with it?”

The alpha narrows his eyes as he shuts the door and moves to set the things they bought by the side of the bed, “Am I okay with what?” he asks, because he’s not entirely sure what his mate’s asking of him, and **now** he knows the purpose of the ring, which kind of makes sense.

Stiles wets his lips and moves closer to Derek, hands dropping to undo the older man’s pants as he meets the werewolf’s eyes, “Are you okay with not coming until I tell you to?” he asks lowly, pushing the fabric down over the alpha’s hips.

Derek nods then, watching Stiles as he keeps his hands at his sides, “Without the ring?” he asks, but responds before Stiles can confirm, “I can hold it in.”

“You probably won’t be able to come, anyway - not with the ring on,” Stiles says, pushing Derek’s chest gently to get him to sit down on the bed, crouching down to take his mate’s shoes off and pulling the pants the rest of the way off, “But I’ll take it off when I want you to come, yeah?”

The alpha licks his lips, breathing calmly as he glances around the loft, the files all opened and spread over the coffee table and he realizes that, ironically, he’s gotten messier since Stiles came back, “Okay,” he agrees and looks back at Stiles, reaching out then and cupping his mate’s cheek as Derek stares at him and nods again.

Stiles smiles and leans into the touch, turning his head to kiss Derek’s palm before he stands back up, “Shirt off, big guy,” he says, moving to the bags and sifting through for lube and the prostate massager.

Derek’s gaze follows Stiles before he does as the younger man says, grabbing the hem of his shirt and pulling it off, setting it near the foot of the bed as he reaches down to remove his socks as well.

Stiles looks at Derek and lets his eyes rake over his mate’s body appreciatively, then he opens the massager and fiddles with it enough to make sure it works. He tosses it and the lube on the bed and moves the bags to the floor, then gestures to Derek’s boxers, “Those, too.”

Derek lifts his hips quickly, pushing the tight boxer briefs down his hips and past his thighs, it’s probably not unexpected that he starts getting excited, looking at the prostate massager and then to Stiles as his heart races a little.

* * *

Staying in the loft day in and day out eventually starts getting to Stiles, so he gets dressed and heads out, opting to take a bus instead of his jeep because he doesn’t feel like getting stuck in traffic. He takes in the sights - something he hasn’t really taken the time to do - mostly staring in awe because he’s still not used to just how **busy** New York is - it’s a drastic change of pace from Beacon Hills.

The bus stops a few blocks short of Derek’s work, leaving him to walk the rest of the way, hands tucked in his pockets as he maneuvers his way through the crowd of people lining the sidewalks. After rounding a corner, he comes face to face with the FBI building. It’s a lot bigger than the one they used to work at, at least five times bigger, but he tries not to let that intimidate him as he makes his way inside.

The receptionist hands him his visitors pass after he signs the sign-in sheet and he clips it onto his shirt so that everyone can see it.

Curiosity gets the best of him then and he finds himself wandering around. Sure, he’ll eventually seek Derek out, but he can’t help wondering what this place is like, what the people Derek works with are like.

He stumbles upon a little break room and glances quickly at the small group of people sitting at one of the tables. The agent in him takes over and he’s suddenly curious as to how much information he can pump out of these people about Derek, not so much to spy on Derek, but to see what kind of people they are.

Stiles takes some change from his pocket and moves to one of the vending machines, putting the coins into the slot as he clears his throat, looking over to the other people again, “Do uh-do any of you know a Derek Hale?” he asks, asserting an authoritative tone.

One of the men looks up and practically snorts in response, “Agent Hale? You mean the cavity of the bureau?”

The girl beside him laughs and smacks his arm with the back of her hand, “Oh, I haven’t heard him called that before,” she says as she grins and tucks a strand of long black hair behind her ear, “I always call him ‘Fail Hale’.”

“Or ‘agent Hell’,” another guy adds, lifting his brows, “That’s what I’ve heard the people at his last building called him.”

“What do you need him for?” the woman asks as she looks at Stiles, “Because if you can get it anywhere else, I highly recommend it.”

“I’m with the FBII,” Stiles lies and tries not to grit his teeth, internally grateful that he’s such a good bullshitter, “Federal Bureau of Investigation Investigators. We look into the conduct and performance of FBI agents,” he sums up, “So, Hale… not very well liked?”

The woman shakes her head, “Not in the slightest, I mean, I saw him when he first got here… the guy has some serious issues.”

“He’s like this hulking mass of waste,” the guy that spoke up first adds, “It probably wouldn’t be so bad if he wasn’t impossible to miss. I don’t see why he continues to work here day after day, when everyone in the office practically celebrates when he takes a day off every once in a blue moon.”

Stiles is almost sad at how reminiscent this place is of their old work place, it seems like no matter where Derek goes, people always hate him, “Your general dislike aside, is his work sub-par?” he questions and finally mashes a button on the machine, getting his coke after it drops down.

“Well,” the woman shrugs, “He’s a transcriber, so I guess there’s not much he can get wrong there. He was a pretty horrible agent, though.”

“He’s not even really fit to work in the bureau anymore,” the third guy mutters, shaking his head, “He’s put on like… **how** much weight since he transferred?”

“I don’t see how he managed that, the guy walks everywhere,” the woman says and chuckles, “He’s already been taken down to a simple desk job. Oh, you know what it reminds me of,” she points to the first guy, “Have you ever seen that _Incredibles_ movie? Where the dad is huge and stuck in that cubicle?”

Stiles is pretty sure his mouth pops open as he listens to the woman, trying his hardest not to bristle defensively because he personally likes the weight that Derek put on. He knew that people could be shallow, but the turn in conversation still takes him by surprise, because even though Derek may be bigger and… softer than he’s probably ever been, he’s still a beautiful man.

“Well,” he says shortly, “Think I’ve heard everything I need to hear,” he tells them, “Thanks so much for the insight.”

“You’re welcome,” the woman says and turns back to her friend, “You know, I’d almost convinced myself that that guy didn’t even work here anymore. Ugh, cavity is right.”

Stiles narrows his eyes at the woman before stepping out of the break room, trying to keep a somewhat calm demeanor as he pushes the button for the elevator. Everyone's a critic, and he knew that before he started asking questions, but the fact that people can’t see the good in Derek the way he can upsets him.

He steps into the elevator and looks at the buttons, reaching out to hit the one labeled ‘B’. It takes him down and he steps out once the doors open, then he starts wandering the halls quietly. Almost all of the doors are closed except for one, the light from inside of office bleeding out into the surprisingly dim hall.

Stiles steps up to the door frame and stops, appreciating the sight of Derek at his desk for a moment before ambling in.

The other man has a headset on and his back is towards the door, so he’s probably completely unaware of Stiles’s presence. Sneaking up on a werewolf is likely a bad idea, but he can’t help himself, he gets entirely too giddy at the thought of surprising Derek.

He watches his own shadow, trying to make sure that something like that doesn’t give him away as he leans down and kisses the side of Derek’s neck, smiling widely against the werewolf’s skin.

Derek stops what he’s typing and turns to look at Stiles, his eyes widening a little as he glances at the visitor’s card and then meets the younger man’s eyes, “What are you doing here?” he asks as he smiles and turns his chair from the desk.

“Oh, you don’t know?” Stiles asks and sits on the edge of Derek’s desk, staying near the other man, “I work for the FBII, Federal Bureau of Investigation Investigators - we investigate FBI agents that have bad reps. And let me tell you, big guy, people around here don’t like you very much.”

Derek shrugs, gaze dropping to run over Stiles, “Tell me something I don’t know,” he responds, “I’ve never really been a popular agent.”

“I’m well aware,” Stiles smiles fondly and looks back at Derek before pushing off of the desk, closing the door to the small office, “The people you work with here are kind of idiots, though.”

He walks back to Derek and lifts a knee, climbing onto the werewolf’s lap to straddle him in his chair, “I mean, they actually bought what I said.”

“That you work for the _FBII_?” Derek responds, eyes widening once more as his hands move to grip Stiles’s hips, “You can be pretty convincing when you want to be. Even when it sounds as ridiculous as the Federal Bureau of Investigations… Investigators?”

Stiles snorts out a small laugh and leans in, right hand lifting to touch the side of Derek’s neck as he kisses him, “Hope it’s okay I came to see you.”

Derek nods subtly, kissing Stiles back and humming lowly, “Of course it is, if you want I can take my break early and we can go get something to eat?”

“Yeah,” Stiles responds and presses another kiss to Derek’s lips, lingering close to the other man for a moment, “Sounds good.”

“Did you drive here?” Derek asks as he leans in, pressing his nose to Stiles’s neck and scenting him as he wraps his arms around the younger man’s thin waist.

Stiles’s eyes flutter at the ticklish sensation and he shivers, curling his arms around Derek’s neck as he shakes his head, “No, I took a bus.”

Derek nods as he pulls back to take off his headset, standing up and setting Stiles down on his feet before reaching for his jacket, “That’s better than taking the jeep, I guess, especially around this time of day,” he leans down, cupping Stiles’s cheek and kissing his forehead, “How was your morning?”

“Boring,” Stiles smiles at the affection, “Hence my coming here to see you.”

Derek locks his computer and turns to open the door, “It’s been a while since you’ve had any real withdrawls, how are you feeling?”

“I’m uh-I’m okay,” Stiles nods insistently and steps out of Derek’s office, “It’s not so bad if I don’t think about it.”

“When was the last time you had a drink?” Derek asks as he follows Stiles, reaching out and setting his palm on the younger man’s lower back even though he probably shouldn’t in the office. It doesn’t really matter, there’s not much they can do to him at this point.

“Yesterday morning after you left for work,” Stiles admits quietly and pushes the button for the elevator once they get close to it.

Derek looks down at Stiles, his expression softening, “It’s nothing to be ashamed of,” he says as he steps into the elevator with the younger man, keeping close against him, “I’m proud of you.”

“You shouldn’t be,” Stiles mumbles, he shouldn’t have let himself hit rock bottom in the first place.

“Stiles,” Derek responds as he reaches out with his free hand to touch the other man’s chin and lift it to look him in the eyes, “We’ve been through this before. You don’t have to be like this around me,” he reassures, “And you’re doing a lot better already.”

Stiles reaches up and touches Derek’s wrist, tilting his head slightly to kiss the other man’s palm before nodding, “Yeah, I know.”

“You’ve been doing really good lately,” Derek continues as he smiles, “It’s not bad to take a shortcut every once in a while.”

“Mhm,” Stiles hums and nods, letting Derek’s hand go as the elevator doors open again, “Let’s just go eat.”

Derek leads Stiles out of the elevator and into the main hall, glancing back at him as they walk past a crowd of people, “Where did you wanna go?”

“Uh,” Stiles shrugs and smiles to himself when he sees the people he’d talked to before, purposefully leaning into Derek and taking the other man’s hand before leaning up to kiss him on the cheek, “Doesn’t matter, as long as I’m with you.”

Derek lifts a brow and smiles back slowly, “There’s a nice Chinese food place just down the road from here,” he supplies, brushing his thumb over the back of Stiles’s hand as he ignores the low whispers from the crowd just near them.

“That’s fine,” Stiles nods and squeezes Derek’s hand, blatantly staring at the people he talked to as they walk past them.

“Is something wrong?” Derek asks in confusion as he watches Stiles, following his line of sight and meeting the eyes of the other agents before opening the front door for Stiles, “Do you know any of them?”

“I talked to a few of them in the break room before I came down to see you,” Stiles admits and exits the building, “But I don’t really know them, no.”

Derek narrows his eyes, “You talked to them? How long were you in the building before you came to me?” he asks as he guides Stiles to the vehicle, right ear twitching as the front doors open again and the girl from the group comes out, following after them.

“Hey,” she says, trying to get Stiles’s attention.

“Fifteen, twenty minutes,” Stiles tells Derek before turning to look at the woman, brows slowly lifting.

“Hey,” the woman says again, slowing as she looks between Stiles and Derek, “I’m-I’m sorry about what I said before, we-I didn’t know that you two were… I didn’t know.”

Derek turns back as well, frowning as he looks at her and then back to Stiles, even more confused than he was a moment ago.

“Of course you didn’t know,” Stiles snorts dryly, narrowing his eyes at her, “I doubt you actually know much of anything regarding him,” he motions to Derek, “Or you know, just in general.”

The woman shakes her head, “I really don’t, none of us really know much about him, you’re right. I-I’m so sorry, it wasn’t anything personal.”

“You made it pretty personal,” Stiles grits out, everything coming out of her mouth is pissing him off, “You guys laugh and talk about him behind his back and I find that funny, because he is so much better than all of you in _every_ way possible. And I’m not just saying that because I suck his dick, I’m saying it because it’s true, so… apology not accepted.”

The woman blushes and meets Derek’s eyes for a second before she mutters ‘I’m sorry’ again and turns to go back into the building.

Derek watches her leave and reaches out to touch Stiles’s forearm, he doesn’t have to ask what they said, he knows well enough the kinds of things that are said about him on a day-to-day basis, “Stiles,” he says softly, looking at the other man.

Stiles finally stops staring daggers in the direction the woman went and looks up at Derek, expression softening as he nods, “I know, it’s cool. I’m fine,” he says dismissively and turns back towards the car, “Let’s just go eat.”

“You didn’t have to say that to her,” Derek responds as he reaches up to touch the back of Stiles’s neck, “It’s better to just ignore them.”

“That’s you, big guy, not me,” Stiles says and glances back up at Derek, “I got tired of listening to people talk shit on you a long time ago, it’s about time someone said something.”

Derek moves his hand to brush his fingers through the other man’s hair before leaning down and kissing him, “I love you.”

“Mm-love you, too,” Stiles hums softly against Derek’s lips, “Now let’s go eat before your break’s up.”


	11. Simple As That

Derek sets the groceries on the counter and turns to unlock the freezer, speaking loudly to Stiles in the other room, “Hey, can you come in here for a moment?”

“Yeah, you need help?” Stiles asks but he’s off the couch and walking into the kitchen before Derek can really say anything else, “What’s up?”

“There’s not really much to put away,” Derek says as he sifts through the freezer and takes out the large crate from the bottom, lifting it effortlessly and setting it on the counter.

“Then what do you need?” Stiles questions as he eyes the crate curiously.

Derek slides off the lid from the crate and takes one of the small, odd-shaped little purple bottles from inside and sets it down on the counter, sitting down as he meets Stiles’s eyes, “If you’re ready.”

Stiles swallows as he stares at the bottle, almost a hundred percent sure he knows what it is. There’s really no question about it, he’s been ready for this for… years. He’s been sober long enough and he hasn’t had withdrawals in a while, but he’s still not sure.

“Do **you** think I’m ready?” he asks quietly, then looks at Derek with watery eyes.

“I wouldn’t have them outside of the freezer if you weren’t,” Derek responds softly, standing back up and moving around to Stiles. He leans down and scents the younger man, “I know you’re ready.”

Stiles nods subtly, trying to let the situation actually sink in as he reaches up and winds his arms around Derek’s neck, pulling him closer and into a hug, “How does it work?”

“You take it,” Derek says as he brushes his lips just under Stiles’s ear, “We mate, and then you’re pregnant, simple as that.”

“Simple as that,” Stiles repeats as he breathes out, hugging Derek tighter for a moment, “And you’re sure it’ll work?”

“I know that the mage that made them was telling the truth,” Derek responds, “Whether or not they’ll work, I guess we won’t really know until it happens. But if I understand it correctly, it holds until you conceive, and then changes, until you have the pup.”

“Which we will do… how?” Stiles asks and finally pulls back, staring up at Derek worriedly, “Because last time I checked, I don’t exactly have a vagina.”

“It’s magic, Stiles,” Derek says as he smooths his palm around the younger man’s waist before resting it on his stomach, “It’s not supposed to make sense outside of that.”

“No, I get that, but like-how are we supposed to know what to do?” Stiles questions, “Like, am I gonna grow a vagina when the time comes or-or are you gonna have to-” he makes a slashing motion with his fingers, “We need to know these things.”

Derek nods in understanding, “I’ll have to remove the pup,” he says as he stares at Stiles, “But there won’t be any lasting effects from that or the pregnancy. Once it’s removed, you’ll be… just as you are now.”

Stiles’s brows slowly bunch up, “Seriously?” he asks in awe, “But I’ll be able to like… feed the pup, right?”

“Yeah,” Derek responds and glances around the kitchen, “I have a paper that explains all of it… somewhere. I’ve been looking for it for months.”

Stiles nods after a moment and reaches out for the small bottle, staring down at it. He trusts Derek completely, the other man wouldn’t have it if it wouldn’t work, there’s no way he’d actually put him in harm.

“Okay, let’s do it,” he says, trying to figure out how to get the bottle open.

“Let me,” Derek offers, reaching out to take it from Stiles and carefully twisting the cap until it pops off.

“Thanks,” Stiles says appreciatively and takes it back from Derek, looking at it for a moment before downing the liquid. Surprisingly, it’s not as horrible tasting as it looks and he sits the empty bottle down on the counter when he’s done, glancing at Derek as he slowly grins, “Okay.”

Derek stares at his mate, recognizing the change in his scent almost at once and, while he’d been expecting as much, he didn’t really anticipate how his wolf would react to it.

“ _ **Okay**_ ,” he mutters lowly, dropping his head down and scenting the younger man’s neck, breathing in deeply and growling in approval.

“Oh God,” Stiles’s eyes widen and he touches Derek’s shoulders, “That’s hot,” he mumbles, “But before we, you know, do the mating thing, you should probably put the crate back. I dunno if they can go bad, so it’s better to-to just-to just be on the safe side.”

Derek nods and it’s difficult to pull himself away, but he turns and takes the empty bottle, putting the cap back on and putting it in the crate before closing it up completely. They don’t go bad or expire, but he’s kept them in the freezer for safety, and it’s better to get that out of the way now. He sets the crate back in it’s spot at the bottom of the freezer, covering it back up and closing the lid.

Stiles reaches out for Derek’s hand and pulls the other man along, walking backwards out of the kitchen and leading the werewolf to the bed as he tries to contain his excitement.

Derek moves quickly, his free hand brushing up under Stiles’s shirt as he follows, he’s having a difficult time even thinking beyond mating, his thoughts clouded by the younger man’s scent as he backs Stiles up to the bed and leans down to drag his tongue along his neck.

“Derek,” Stiles gasps in surprise and stops when he feels the lip of the mattress against the backs of his legs, reaching up to touch the werewolf’s biceps as he tilts his head to the side.

“ _ **Mine**_ ,” Derek growls, salivating, tongue practically dripping with it as he shoves Stiles’s shirt up, his other hand moving to pull the sweatpants down his hips.

The low timbre of Derek’s voice all but makes Stiles’s cock throb in anticipation and he scrambles to help get his shirt off. He’s heard Derek vocally stake his claim before, it’s not anything new, but there’s something about it this time that makes him shiver, “Yours,” he confirms.

Derek hums as he moves down, tugging the sweats down Stiles’s thighs as he kisses along the younger man’s belly before turning him around and spreading his cheeks. His fingers curl around Stiles’s legs as he pushes him against the bed, holding him in place as he drags his tongue over the whorled rim.

“ _Oh_ -oh my god,” Stiles splutters and his eyes widen, fingers digging into the comforter on the bed as he looks back at Derek from over his shoulder. He’d ask what the Hell has gotten into the other man, but he’s pretty sure he knows - he just hadn’t anticipated it effecting Derek like this.

Derek pulls Stiles’s hips back against his mouth, his right hand moving to wrap around the younger man’s cock, turning and nipping gently along Stiles’s right cheek before urging his tongue inside.

Stiles lets out a pitiful sounding whine before he’s able to stop himself, both surprised and confused at how close he is already. Normally there’s the initial arousal and then the build up to his orgasm, but it’s almost like he skipped the build up entirely - he wants to blame it on how Derek’s acting, but he thinks the potion might have something to do with it too.

Derek drops his mouth a little lower, lapping along Stiles’s taint as he scents the younger man again, smoothing his palm up Stiles’s back as he growls once more, his other hand working his mate’s length. He stands back up, leaning over Stiles and breathing against his ear, “ _I’ve been waiting for this for **years**_.”

“God, me too,” Stiles says in a rushed breath, hips subtly shifting backward against Derek.

“ _ **Mine**_ ,” Derek repeats, his hand moving over the swell of the younger man’s ass before smacking it gently. He ducks his head down, biting and licking the back of Stiles’s neck as his free hand drops his mate’s length to move around and unbutton his slacks.

“Yeah, big guy,” Stiles says numbly and looks back at Derek, eyes hooded with arousal, “I’m yours,” he confirms again.

Derek makes this sharp, sudden sound like something between a sob and a growl as he reaches out blindly for the small bottle of lube. He’s so mindless that he can barely concentrate on one task at a time; he’s still dressed, but he doesn’t bother taking off his shirt or his tie as he presses a slick finger inside of the younger man, his other hand moving back around to grip his cock once more.

“More,” Stiles grunts out at once, because he’s just as impatient as Derek is and he wants the other man inside of him, hips jerking back against the werewolf’s hand.

Derek lets out a shaky huff of breath as he urges a second finger inside, “ _Keep moving back_ ,” he says as he meets the younger man’s eyes, the hand around Stiles’s cock working the head as he presses his fingers in, clear down to the knuckles.

Stiles’s mouth drops open as he stares at Derek and he focuses on the stretch of the other man’s fingers, slowly fucking himself on the digits.

As impatient as Derek is, he forces himself to take his time  spreading Stiles open, the scent of the younger man so strong and overwhelming that it’s practically burning. He finally pulls his fingers back, panting against Stiles’s neck as he helps him up onto the bed completely, reaching up with his claws and tugging at the front of his shirt, snapping the buttons impatiently.

Stiles flops over onto his back and reaches out for Derek, tugging him closer by his ruined shirt before pushing it off of his shoulders as he leans in to kiss the werewolf’s chest.

Derek stares down at Stiles, combing his fingers through his mate’s hair as he reaches down between Stiles’s legs, cupping his right ass cheek and lifting his hips up into Derek’s lap, “ _You’re close_ ,” he mutters, his fingers brushing along the purple-headed cock.

“Embarrassingly so, yeah,” Stiles moans and presses his forehead to Derek’s shoulder, holding onto the werewolf with his right hand as he looks down and watches Derek’s fingers.

“I want you to come first,” Derek responds, wrapping his thick fingers back around Stiles, “Come first, baby, then we’ll mate.”

“Okay,” Stiles says tightly and gives himself over to all of the sensations entirely, orgasm building quickly as he watches Derek stroke him. It’s practically effortless and before long he finds himself muffling a cry of pleasure against Derek’s skin as he comes.

Derek lifts his fingers, licking at them quickly before reaching down and grabbing Stiles’s leg, lifting it and wrapping it around his waist as he grabs his length with his other hand and positions himself, guiding Stiles’s hips down as he arches forward.

“Oh fuck,” Stiles gasps at the sudden stretch and clings tightly to the werewolf, pressing his mouth to Derek’s neck to keep himself from getting embarrassingly loud.

Derek wraps one arm completely around Stiles, the other holding his waist as he pulls the younger man against him, licking and nipping down Stiles’s neck and shoulder as he moves, whining in the back of his throat as he does so.

Stiles moves his lips against Derek’s skin in turn, mouth parting as he starts gyrating his hips in the alpha’s lap.

“Stiles,” Derek manages out weakly, testing his knot against the younger man’s entrance as he marks Stiles, leaving flushes trailing up and down his mate’s arm, from his biceps to his neck. He moves quickly, practically flattening Stiles against the bed, legs spread wide as he growls and pushes the younger man’s arms up, lacing their fingers together.

Stiles squeezes both of Derek’s hands and arches up from the mattress with the little bit of leeway he’s got, pressing their mouths together as he urges the alpha on with the heel of his right foot pressed to the back of the other man’s thigh.

Derek grunts against Stiles’s lips, licking into his mouth and snapping his hips forward. He pulls back, panting against the younger man’s mouth as he opens his eyes and stares at Stiles, “I love you,” he says shakily, nudging his mate’s lips with his nose.

“I love you, too,” Stiles says back and it feels like his heart’s lurching up into his throat, eyes turning glassy with tears as he arches up to kiss Derek again. He hates that he keeps getting so emotional, but he can’t really help it - this is something they’ve both wanted for a very long time and it’s kind of a big deal.

Derek reaches up, cupping Stiles’s cheek as he kisses him back, movements slowing to a crawl as he breaks the kiss and drops his hand down to the younger man’s thigh, “I wanna knot you on our sides,” he says as he turns Stiles, lifting his brows to make sure it’s okay.

“Yeah, okay,” Stiles nods in approval and kisses Derek’s jaw before moving, helping the alpha move them onto their sides.

Derek lays behind Stiles, pulling him close and sliding back inside, angling his length to brush over the younger man’s prostate as he starts moving once more, “Good?” he mutters as he smooths his palm up and down Stiles’s chest and stomach, fingers tracing his muscles and nails grazing over his nipples.

“Perfect,” Stiles responds breathily, cock twitching in response to the stimulation.

“You’re so beautiful, Stiles,” Derek says as he rests his hand on the younger man’s stomach, the other gripping Stiles’s hip and pulling him back as he starts thrusting forward, “And you’re mine,” he growls, teeth growing out and ghosting just behind Stiles’s ear.

Stiles blushes furiously but he’s otherwise silent, the flattery he’s feeling warps back into arousal so fast it’s overwhelming and his cock hardens almost instantly when he feels Derek’s fangs.

Derek scents Stiles as he grinds his knot against the younger man’s backside, the hand on Stiles’s hip moving down to spread his cheeks as he glances down and groans, his body shaking eagerly.

Stiles turns his head and tucks his face against the bed as he reaches down, loosely wrapping his fingers around his length before pumping himself in time with Derek’s thrusts.

“ _Mine_ ,” Derek growls lowly, the sound coming more from his chest than his throat as he kisses up Stiles’s neck, nipping his earlobe, “I’m gonna knot you and fill you up,” he says as he works his knot against Stiles’s backside, “ _Mine_ ,” he repeats, licking along the line of Stiles’s jaw, “ _ **Mine**_.”

“Yeah?” Stiles questions him, glancing down as he strokes himself a little quicker, “Then prove it, big guy,” he glances at the alpha from over his shoulder, “Do it, knot me.”

Derek keeps Stiles spread open with one hand, the other gripping his hip firmly as he starts rolling his own hips, spreading the younger man wide with his knot. It’s breathtaking how tight Stiles is, no matter how many times he knots him up. Just the width passing is enough to cause tears to prick in his eyes and he grunts, body trembling as he buries his length in the younger man and comes finally.

“Jesus Christ,” Stiles all but sobs when he feels Derek’s girth pulsing inside of him, grip tightening on his own length. He strokes himself fast, focusing on the alpha’s knot spreading him open as he teases the head of his cock. It should hurt more than it does, especially with what little prep they had, but the stretch and the weight of Derek’s cock against his prostate feels good, aiding in his second orgasm hardly a minute later.

Derek groans and wraps his arms and legs around Stiles, hooking his foot around the younger man’s ankle as he rubs his palm over Stiles’s belly, swollen with seed, “I don’t knot you enough,” he says, free hand moving to tease his mate’s nipples.

“I second that,” Stiles agrees and his gaze shifts down, smiling slowly before he touches Derek’s hand on his stomach.

Derek rests his chin on Stiles’s shoulder, watching his face as he turns his hand to lace their fingers together, “It sounds different,” he muses aloud, listening intently.

“ _Sounds_ different?” Stiles asks in confusion, rubbing his thumb against Derek’s hand, “What are you talking about?”

“Your body,” Derek tries to explain, moving their hands lower, down past his abdomen, “It sounds different,” and then he shrugs because he’s not sure how else to explain it without either grossing Stiles out or causing an entire string of questions.

“My body sounds different?” Stiles questions, still just as confused as before but he shakes his head, “I don’t get how, but okay.”

Derek chuckles, kissing Stiles’s jaw and throat, sucking the skin into his mouth as he runs their fingers through the younger man’s happy trail, “As in: it sounds different than it normally does.”

“Yeah, I got that much,” Stiles smiles wide, “Still weird, though,” he says, silent for a moment, “Do you think it worked?”

“I hope so,” Derek responds, holding Stiles close as he turns a little onto his back, “But if it didn’t, we’ve got plenty of time… I’m not sure if it’ll be a werewolf, or a human.”

“It’s kind of a guessing game, huh?” the corner of Stiles’s lips twitch, he’d honestly be pretty happy with either.

Derek nods and watches Stiles silently for a moment before muttering softly: “It doesn’t make a difference to me. But it would change the pregnancy.”

“Change how?”

“It would be shorter,” Derek explains, “Three months shorter than a human pregnancy.”

“Wow, really?” Stiles asks in surprise, glancing at Derek, “That’s crazy, but kinda cool too.”

Derek chuckles as he reaches up to touch Stiles’s cheek, his thumb tracing his mate’s smile, “There are other differences as well, some not as ‘cool’.”

“Like?” Stiles presses and kisses the pad of Derek’s thumb.

“The pup would be much smaller,” Derek responds, “Able to fit in the palm of your hand. But during the pregnancy, would have the strength of a full grown werewolf.”

“So it could kill me,” Stiles concludes and his brows raise, “That’s-it’s…” he breathes out slowly, “Worth it.”

Derek frowns and brushes his nose along Stiles’s skin, “You probably won’t die,” he says, “It **is** a possibility, but most pups - even in the womb - are very mindful of their strength; especially with the mothers.”

“That’s reassuring,” Stiles says seriously, but he’d probably still do it even if he knew it’d kill him, “Guess we’ll find out.”

“If it’s a werewolf,” Derek responds as he moves his hand along the inside of Stiles’s left thigh, “I’ll know within a week.”

“That soon?” Stiles asks, barely able to contain his excitement.

Derek nods, “Pups are fast in the beginning, they slow down after birth, and then more and more until they’re three. After that, the aging is slow, but still faster than humans until they’re in their twenties.”

“If it’s a pup, how are we gonna explain how little it is to people?” Stiles questions.

Derek shrugs, because there isn’t really much he can do there, “Say it’s premature, I guess - which **technically** you wouldn’t be lying.”

“Ah, yeah, didn’t think of that,” Stiles admits, “But palm of the hand small? We probably won’t be able to take it out of the loft for a while if it’s a werewolf.”

"Yeah, it might take a month or so for it to even pass as premature," Derek says, smiling to himself, "They're amazing when they're that small."

“I’ll take your word for it,” Stiles responds, but he doesn’t see how. Even when he holds normal-sized babies, he feels like he could crush them or hurt them without even trying - he can’t even fathom holding a baby that could fit in the palm of his hand.

Derek can smell how wary Stiles is becoming, so he explains a little further to see if he’s understanding _why_ the younger man is concerned, “Even at that age, werewolf pups can do a lot of damage. I would tear up blankets, Laura ate most of her crib… before she even had teeth.”

“So like… I probably wouldn’t be able to um-to accidentally hurt it… with it being that small?” Stiles asks tentatively.

“Pups are extremely durable,” Derek confirms, making a motion with his hand, “More durable than even me. They’re the strongest at that age, could be hit by a train and be perfectly fine, I couldn’t harm it - let alone a human. They look small and frail, like breathing on them would hurt them, but there’s… probably not a lot that could.”

“That’s…” Stiles shifts when he feels Derek’s length slips limply out of him and he turns to face the other man a little better, kissing the alpha’s chest, “Oddly comforting,” he admits.

Derek wraps his arms around Stiles and holds him close, kissing the top of his head, “Werewolves are in their prime at birth,” he says as he lays completely on his back now, “As they get older, they get weaker - unless they have a pack. But on their own, it goes straight down from the day they were born.”

“You’d think it’d be the other way around,” Stiles muses and plays with Derek’s chest hair, scratching his fingers through it, “I just hope it worked.”

“Me too,” Derek responds, body tingling as Stiles touches him and he cups the back of the younger man’s neck, leaning down and kissing him, “Dinner?”

“Dude, yes,” Stiles says at once, pecking Derek on the lips once more.

“I guess starting next month, I’ll be back on the field,” Derek muses aloud, Stiles’s feet in his lap as he brushes his fingers along the soles of them.

“I’m excited for you,” Stiles tells Derek and scratches his stomach, “You’re better on the field than you are behind a desk. Only bummer is is that you’ll be working more hours,” he muses, “You should totally let me get a puppy or something, to keep me company when you’re not here.”

Derek lifts a brow as he listens to Stiles, “A dog?” he asks, “Up in the loft?”

“A **puppy** ,” Stiles corrects and pointedly goes all doe-eyed on Derek, “And yes, up in the loft. I know how to take a dog out to use the bathroom.”

“I don’t know if a dog is a good idea for this loft,” Derek muses as he narrows his eyes and leans in, listening closely to Stiles’s stomach.

“You’re a werewolf, how does that even-” Stiles tilts his head to the side as he watches Derek, “-make sense,” he says finally, attention rapt on the alpha.

Derek doesn’t respond, leaning lower and lifting Stiles’s shirt as he presses his ear to the younger man’s belly and closes his eyes, “Shh,” he says as he listens closely once more.

Stiles’s heart starts pounding hopefully and he’s able to stay quiet for all of five seconds, “Tell me you’re doing what I think you’re doing, please.”

“Calm down,” Derek says softly, nuzzling Stiles’s stomach as he smiles and glances up to his mate, “It’s a pup.”

“A pup,” Stiles repeats slowly, mirroring Derek’s smile after a moment as tears build in his eyes. For the longest time one of the biggest burdens he carried was the fact that he couldn’t give Derek children, and now it’s actually happening, “You’re gonna be a daddy,” he says numbly, “ **We’re** gonna be daddies.”

Derek smiles and nods, “That’s right,” he agrees as he moves up, pressing their foreheads together as he brushes the tears from the younger man’s eyes, “It’ll be ours, both of ours.”

Stiles almost chokes on a sob and slings his arms around Derek, more tears streaming down his cheeks as he holds the alpha close, “We’re gonna-it’s a…” he tries to catch his breath, “A **pup** , Derek.”

Derek chuckles as he kisses the younger man’s cheeks, continuing to brush the tears away as he stares at him, “I know,” he says softly, feeling his own tears start to prick his eyes, “I know.”

Stiles’s face feels hot all over, but he’s happy despite the tears, “We’re gonna have a family,” he says tightly, trying not to break out in sobs again.

“Mhm,” Derek hums as he pulls Stiles close, his left hand moving back down to his mate’s stomach where the soft little heart beat is, “It’s just a matter of time, now.”

“I can’t believe it,” Stiles says quietly, it still all seems a little surreal to him - it probably won’t **fully** hit him until his stomach starts swelling.

“You will when you start puking every morning,” Derek responds and watches the younger man, listening to the wild pounding of his heart, “That could be anytime now… I need to look into buying a house, at least something better than the loft before we go back to California.”

“That’d just be a waste of money,” Stiles tries to reason with Derek, “The loft will be fine for three of us, four if you let me have a puppy.”

“A puppy **and** a pup?” Derek asks as he raises a brow, “What kind of dog?”

“I dunno, something that’ll get big,” Stiles shrugs and smiles, “Come on, they could like… grow up together and stuff.”

Derek sighs and curls up against Stiles, his palm continuing to move slowly along the younger man’s belly, “I’ll think about it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sry fer the long delay, it wasn't planned. Life things happened and I just needed a break.
> 
> -Cammerel


	12. Thing About Dreams

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter and future ones may feel very different as I am solo writing anything new coming in, it's all me. Please read the end note as well.
> 
> -Cammerel

Stiles dips his feet into the water at the edge of the lake, watching Derek paddling around it in his large wolf form. He reaches up to tuck a strand of hair back and then takes off his jacket, setting it behind him before laying back on it.

The ventures out into the forest have become a bi-weekly thing at this point, coming out for the weekend and staying the night on Saturday. It’s Stiles’s favorite part of the week, not just because he gets to see Derek embracing his werewolf side, but also because it’s just… nice to get away from New York City, and sleep out in the woods with his mate. The clean air does them both some good, and the color is slowly returning back to his skin after being stuck inside the loft for so long.

He doesn’t know when, but at some point he closes his eyes and starts to drift, eased by the rustle of the water as Derek swims around. Eventually, Derek joins him on the bank and curls up with him once he’s shaken out as much of the water as he can.

Derek is silent for a few hours, allowing them both to drift until he can’t take it anymore and he nuzzles his snout against Stiles's neck, lapping at the salted skin. He can smell Stiles’s scent change almost at once, becoming aware of him.

The werewolf moves down, pushing up the younger man’s shirt with his nose and licking his belly button, growling lowly. He drops his muzzle to Stiles’s crotch, pressing against it insistently, trying to lick and scent him through the clothes.

Stiles is barely aware of what’s happening, hands moving to get his pants off when he feels the pressure against them. After he gets them off and down, his hands fall and he starts to drop back out again.

Derek glances up at Stiles, grin tugging at his werewolf lips when Stiles starts snoring lightly and he flops the younger man over onto his stomach carefully. He swipes the pants down quickly, boxers and all, setting them aside before pressing his wet nose between Stiles’s plump ass cheeks.

“Ohhhh,” Stiles moans out in his sleep, head rested on his jacket.

The sound causes Derek to still, the tip of his nose rested against Stiles’s whorled rim for a moment before he starts nudging it, breathing him in as deep as he can. At once, Derek’s long, slick cock pokes out from it’s sheath and he tilts his head. He laps the skin, paws gripping Stiles’s ass cheeks to spread them wide as he arches the younger man’s hips back.

“Der-eh… mmm.”

The voice still sounds sleepy, but Derek watches him, listens to the steady breathing and beats of his heart. He’s still fast asleep, but his mate calling out to him in his sleep causes Derek to whine longingly. It makes him want to climb atop Stiles and knot him at once, but he keeps himself back.

Stiles still needs to be prepared, so Derek rolls his tongue over the muscle to relax it as much as he can and then spears his tongue against the lax hole until it presses in. He’s mindful of his teeth as his tongue stretches out long and wide.

“Mmm… good boy.”

Derek almost pulls back, but then he feels Stiles’s fist curl in his fur and pull him close. He meets the younger man’s eyes and wriggles his tongue inside of Stiles, causing him to jerk and moan loudly.

“D-Derek,” Stiles breathes out and rocks back on the tongue, rubbing his dripping cock on the grass, “God, are you gonna take me like this, big guy?” he starts bucking more frantically on the tongue, fucking himself on it when Derek stops moving, but then he feels it curl inside of him each time he comes down on it and his mouth drops open.

Derek lets the younger man work himself up for a while, tongue rubbing his prostate and then he wraps his paw around Stiles’s cock, keeping it still as Stiles fucks into his grip.

Stiles pulls his bottom lip between his teeth as he humps down, breath catching in his throat at the soft, tight squish of the pads of Derek’s paw. His cock is red, almost purpling, a stark contrast against the black of Derek’s fur, “Derek-oh! Derek…” He groans in frustration when Derek tugs his cock down, long tongue pulling back out of him and Stiles watches with wide eyes as the alpha tongues at his slit.

He comes almost at once, watching the pearly white liquid spurt over the werewolf’s muzzle, “Oh my-” he stops when Derek moves back up to mount him. Stiles can’t help but stare as the fat, pointed tip of Derek’s pink cock presses blindly, sliding against his leg and then up his backside.

Derek huffs when he misses a few times, but then the slick head catches on Stiles’s rim and he punches in like a bullet, skewering the younger man on his long wet length. He starts humping at once, knot slamming against Stiles’s spread hole as he’s filled again and again.

“Oh, fu~uh-…” Stiles’s hands curl into fists against the jacket as Derek thrusts wildly, catching his breath in pants as the werewolf jabs into him repeatedly. He misses, wet cock slipping out and jamming against his ass cheek a couple of times. Stiles reaches up to grab his come-covered muzzle, scratching the fur but also holding on as he’s flattened under the weight of the large wolf.

Derek is massive above him, long black fur brushing his back and tickling his skin. His tight hole flutters as he gets hard again, come drizzling down from the tip as he listens to their sex. It’s obnoxiously loud, not only his shouts and moans, but the squeaky, squelching smoosh of fluid and flesh every time Derek fucks into him.

“Fill me, big guy,” Stiles breathes out when Derek starts testing the knot against him, “Push it in, I can take your knot.”

“Come again, first,” Derek responds lowly.

Stiles chuckles and turns to him, “I’m close,” he whimpers between thrusts, leaning in to kiss Derek’s thin lips. He runs his tongue along the skin until Derek opens up and then Stiles wraps his mouth around one of the long, sharp canines. He can’t even explain _why_ he does it, but it causes Derek to whine and stammer out his thrusts for a moment.

“Sorry, buddy,” Stiles says and starts to turn away before Derek’s long tongue is filling his mouth, nearly choking him and causing him to gag. He comes almost instantly, hand gripping the fur behind Derek’s ear as he winces painfully at how sensitive he is this time around.

Derek jams his knot against the rim once the pulsing stops and he pops inside, swelling as he comes. He starts to pull out again, on instinct, and drags Stiles back a few feet.

“Derek!” Stiles’s eyes widen, his hips shifting back to follow Derek and he meets the werewolf’s gaze, “Careful, dude, I’m attached.”

Derek smirks, the look probably twisted from his wolfish features, “I didn’t mean to,” he apologizes, licking Stiles’s sweated skin and pulling them onto their sides, his paw brushing over Stiles’s stomach as he whines lowly.

“Think it took this time?”

“We’ll see.”

* * *

“Hello?”

“Uh, hey… dad,” Stiles says tentatively as he lays back on the bed, letting out a huff of breath and running his hand idly over his stomach. He hasn’t even started showing yet and he’s already doing it, almost often enough that it’s morphed into one of his many nervous ticks.

“Stiles!”

“Yup, that’s my-”

“Where the Hell have you been?!” John shouts, interrupting him, “You just leave, you don’t tell me where you’re going, you don’t even call me to let me know that you’re still alive-”

“I-I know dad,” Stiles tries to get a word in, his anxiety already starting to go through the roof, “But-”

“For all I knew, you were murdered and somewhere, dead in a ditch. What the Hell-”

Stiles lets out a slow sigh before raising his voice, “Let me talk!” he waits then, lifting his brows when his dad actually goes quiet, “Look, I’m sorry I didn’t call. Okay? I’m sorry, but I wasn’t in the best state of mind when I left California, I’m sure you already know that. I wasn’t really good at hiding it.”

“California?” John asks in confusion, “ **You’re out of state**?”

“Yeah,” Stiles chuckles and stretches along the bed, staring up at the ceiling of the loft, “Like, _New York_ , out of state.”

“New York? Why-” John goes silent and Stiles can hear it click, the registration as his dad hums and there’s a shuffle over the line, “You’re with Derek Hale.”

Stiles smiles slowly just at the sound of his mate’s name and he nods, even though his dad can’t see it, “Total accident, but yeah. I had to-... I had to be with him.”

“Didn’t he break up with you and ‘ruin your life’?”

“Not on purpose.”

“Not on purpose?” John asks, tone incredulous, “What kind of excuse is that-”

“It’s real complicated, dad-”

“Oh, it’s real complicated, is it?” John responds sarcastically, “It’s not real complicated, son, it’s not. It’s actually quite simple.”

Stiles rolls his eyes, “It’s really not, okay? Now stop, I didn’t call you to argue about what Derek did. I called to-”

“To what?”

“To let you know I’m alive,” Stiles says, frowning, “To… to let you know I’m alive, and to… to hear your voice.”

John is silent and Stiles takes a moment for himself, slowly breathing in and out as the tears prick his eyes.

“I miss you, dad,” he continues then, clearing his voice, “I love you, and-and I know you did a lot for me and I just shit all over it. But I’m serious. I miss you and Scotty, and everyone in California, but I’m not coming back anytime soon.”

His dad stays silent for a long beat after that, Stiles listens to him breathing into his phone as he reaches up to wipe his eyes.

“Are you safe?”

“What?” Stiles asks in confusion, brows furrowing.

“Are you safe?” John asks again, “Are you happy with him? Is he taking care of my boy? Is he feeding you and treating you nice? Because if not, I swear I’ll come up there and skin him alive.”

Stiles chuckles and shakes his head - the sentiment is nice, it’s not even remotely possible, but it’s nice, “He’s been good, dad, real good. He got me sober, he feeds me, he…” he glances down again, touching his belly and smiling once more, “I’ve never been this happy before. I haven’t. He’s just… he loves me, you know he loves me, you saw it yourself.”

“I did,” John confirms, but Stiles can hear the skepticism.

“He left because he had to,” Stiles says then, trying to justify Derek’s actions so that his dad doesn’t completely hate him, “He’d never leave me if he had a choice. He had to, daddy. It wasn’t easy for him, either. But we’ve both changed and… and I don’t want you to hate him for what he did, because I love him.”

Stiles blinks the tears back, sitting up now and wiping quickly at his eyes but the tears keep coming, “I do-I… I love him so stupidly much. Like, he’s **it** for me. He’s the only thing-”

“I believe you, son,” John says, and Stiles can tell he’s trying to get him to calm down.

Stiles gasps when he feels arms wrap around him suddenly and he turns to see Derek, the large hulking form of the older man as he pulls Stiles back against his chest.

“Stiles?”

“I’m here,” Stiles responds, smiling weakly at Derek, at the sincere look on his face, “I gotta go, dad, but I’ll call you again soon, okay? I love you.”

“Love you too, son.”

Stiles ends the call and blushes furiously at the large palm resting on his stomach, “Hey there, you’re back early.”

Derek leans in to kiss him and slowly lays back in bed with him, “I need to tell you something.”

“Uh oh,” Stiles sits up on Derek’s chest, his small legs wrapping over the alpha’s belly, “What’s wrong?”

“I lied to you awhile ago, when I told you that I was becoming a field agent again.”

Stiles frowns, “What? I-... I don’t understand-”

Derek clears his throat, pressing his fingers under the large shirt his mate is wearing, “Well, I didn’t exactly _lie_. They were going to make me a field agent, that’s the truth. But I declined the offer.”

Stiles bites his upper lip for a moment, waiting for Derek to continue, and then lifting his brows when he doesn’t, “Well? **Well**? Now what? What happened?”

“Instead, when they offered it to me, I quit the bureau.”

“What?” Stiles feels his chest tighten, a sheen of panic washing over him as he stares at Derek, “Why?”

“I hated it there, you know I did-”

“I-I know, but they were gonna make you a field-”

“I hate working for the FBI, Stiles,” Derek says then, pressing his palm to his mate’s chest to calm him down, “I was miserable. So I’m gonna pursue a new career.”

Stiles blinks in surprise, waiting for it, “Doing..?”

“I’m gonna become a Private Investigator.”

Slowly, a grin spreads on Stiles’s face and he leans down, pressing his belly against Derek’s, “So all that talk before about being a PI… that wasn’t just small talk or anything. That was you hinting to this choice?” he brushes his fingers through the alpha’s beard when Derek nods, “You’re gonna be a PI..?”

“I am,” Derek says, palms moving to his mate’s ass, “And if you wanna be one, later on, I’ll have a good foothold in it to help get you started - if that’s what you want.”

“And this is something you want? Like… you wanna be a PI? You aren’t just doing it so that I can later?”

Derek considers the question for a moment, “It’s been on my mind since I moved to New York. I held out on doing anything because-”

“You were waiting for me,” Stiles supplies and feels his eyes prick with tears, “But being a PI isn’t really your dream, is it? It’s-”

“You’re right,” Derek confirms, nodding, “It’s not. Career-wise, I don’t really have a dream; I never have. You know that. I became an agent so that I could find Kate, and I stayed one afterwards because this is my dream, Stiles. If I have one thing I aspire to be, it’s to be with my mate. But that isn’t a career.”

“No, it isn’t,” Stiles says, staring sadly at Derek, “You’re becoming a PI so that I can live my dream, **if** I take it up later on. Derek… that might not even happen. That’s a big ‘if’, just to change careers, on the off chance that I might wanna work again after having the pup.”

Derek shrugs, “It may not happen, but I want you to have the choice. Stiles…” he lets out a huff of breath, rolling them onto their sides and touching his mate’s stomach, “I don’t need a career dream, something that makes me happy and proud about the job I do. I just need to be able to provide for you, and our pup.”

“Derek-”

“This is my dream,” Derek cuts him off, staring into Stiles’s eyes, “This is what I wanted… even when I didn’t want for anything.” He’s ached for a family since he lost his, he’s not sure that Stiles will ever fully understand it, but he doesn’t need to, he just has to know it, “This is it for me.”

Stiles swallows tightly, feeling the knot pinching at his chest and he leans in, pressing his forehead to Derek’s as he smiles sadly, “This is it for me, too, big guy.”

* * *

Stiles curls against the grass when the knot presses in, filling him. The sensation is paired with the warm rush of seed flooding through him, “Oh… fuck.”

Derek growls atop him, wet fur sticking to Stiles’s back, ass, and legs as he rolls them down in the bed of grass. He turns, licking the sweat from Stiles’s cheek and nuzzling him.

“I don’t think I’m ever gonna get used to how big you are now,” Stiles says lowly, tilting his neck to bare it to Derek.

The alpha paws his stomach, down to his spent cock, and then lower to massage his balls.

Stiles moans and smiles as he spreads his legs, his walls flexing around the knot, “Mmm, I don’t wanna go back to the loft tonight.”

“I don’t mind staying another night,” Derek mumbles, nose touching his boy’s lips.

“Could we?” Stiles reaches up to scratch Derek’s cheeks and up to his ears, mouth opening to brush his tongue up over the rough septum of the werewolf’s nose before kissing it, “Another night, knotted under the stars.”

Derek growls in approval, scenting his mate’s breath and whining when the strange, new scent fills his lungs and his hips start thrusting instinctively.

“Oh… fuck,” Stiles’s mouth drops open and his eyes widen when the knot lodges itself a little deeper and rubs insistently at his stretched, sensitive skin. The next thing he knows, Derek is on top of him again, tongue halfway down his throat, cock rocking back and forth inside of Stiles.

The alpha humps him desperately, grasping and panting until he comes again. Stiles thinks it’ll stop there, but then the alpha keeps going at it.

It’s almost like a circle jerk, to the point where Stiles’s prostate has been rubbed raw, and he’s so sensitive that he’s crying and moaning, but all he wants is more. His knees curl up to his stomach, but the weight of it bows him downward to the ground. He drops his hand and brushes the swell of it. At first, he thinks he’s just magically gotten pregnant or something, but then he realizes that he’s full, not full of a baby - not exactly.

“Derek,” he pants, salivating as the werewolf whines, his tail whipping down against Stiles’s calves, “Derek, I’m gonna pop, I swear. If you come again-” and then the alpha comes again. Stiles sobs as his stomach stretches more, “Oh God.”

Derek licks the salt trails from Stiles’s cheeks, but his movements still don’t let up.

“Oh my God, what’s gotten into you, big guy?” Stiles chuckles through his tears, even as his body shakes, “Stop, or it’s gonna start coming out of my mouth or something.”

Derek huffs against Stiles’s lips and growls loudly, “You’re pregnant with my pup.”

Stiles blinks and tries to turn more to look at him, “I’m what?”

“I can smell it… on your breath,” Derek manages to get out the words as his hips continue to punch forward, but then his knot pops out, come flooding out after it.

“Oh… what a mess,” Stiles mutters as he looks down at his legs, blushing furiously. Before he can feel any more embarrassed, a red-faced Derek is turning him over, dropping down between his legs and pressing his lips to his stomach. Stiles watches him and chuckles, “Can you hear anything?”

“Somewhat.”

Stiles scratches up through the big man’s sweat slick hair and then down to his beard, “You nearly just fucked my brains out.”

Derek looks at him, then climbs up and kisses him furiously, the hair of his chest pressing against Stiles’s thinner frame, “I love you.”

“Mmm, love you too, big guy.”

* * *

Stiles stares into the mirror, silently touching his puffy chest and watching the fingers sink against the softness. For all intents and purposes, he’s growing breasts. They’re not anything like a woman’s, he’s not sure if they’ll reach that point, but they’re definitely getting bigger. His hands drop down to his slightly swollen belly, pressing against the solid skin as he feels the small little flutters of the pup inside of him.

Over the past month, he’s gotten used to the little critter doing loop de loops in his belly, diving around and causing the soft, familiar movements inside of him. Derek, so far, was right about the pup being mindful of it’s strength - but he didn’t tell Stiles about the pup’s ability to completely register him.

He feels the soft flutters move forward at once, meeting his fingers and brushing against them before darting back.

Stiles chuckles and looks back up at himself, “You’re gonna be an energetic newborn, I can tell.” He turns to the side, frowning at the shape of his figure because he looks like an alien, body all oddly shaped because of the birth. He’s all sticks for legs and arms, but then he’s got the pouty breasts happening and the pooch of his stomach… it’s completely embarrassing.

He’s about to reach down for his robes when the front door opens and Derek steps inside, the alpha reaching up to take off his jacket as he starts across the room towards Stiles.

“Hey, baby, how was w-” Stiles stops when Derek snatches the robes out of his hands and pulls him in, kissing him roughly, one palm already on his stomach, “Mmm.”

Derek moves his mouth down, wrapping his lips around Stiles’s right nipple, sucking the soft flesh into his mouth and moaning. He takes his own pants off, kicking away his shoes before he growls, maneuvering Stiles back to the bed and climbs on first, presenting himself to the younger man desperately.

Stiles stares at him, mouth drying and he can see the slickness between the cheeks, already prepared for him, “Oh my God,” he mumbles as he climbs onto the bed, over Derek’s thighs to seat himself on the backs of them.

“Please,” Derek breathes out, ass arching up against his cock.

“Oh, Derek,” Stiles moans, eyes widening. He’d wanted, for as long as he could remember them being involved, to have Derek just… come in and take him whenever he wanted, without prompt. And it’s been like this since he took the potion. His mate can’t keep his hands off of him, Stiles has woken up to it numerous times, been interrupted while cooking, or just sitting around feeling like a bloated whale. No matter how he looks or feels, Derek’s on it in seconds.

But when you throw in things like this… it reminds him of the first time he was inside of Derek. The first time the alpha **desired** his cock, and begged for it, rubbing against him and whining like a bitch.

“You want this, big guy?” Stiles teases him, rubbing his cock head against the slick rim. He smirks when a broken whine escapes Derek’s throat, “Are you _sure_?”

“Stiles!” Derek bucks his hips back desperately.

Stiles shivers when he presses the head of his cock in, but he keeps it there, rolling the tip in and out of Derek, “Are you sure you want this?”

Derek growls lowly and pushes back, burying Stiles inside of him before he starts moving back and forth, fucking himself on Stiles’s cock.

“Oh my God, Derek.”

Derek feels his attention slipping, the strong scent of his mate taking over and he finally manages to set a steady rhythm between them. He pulls Stiles down onto his back and climbs onto his lap, hands smoothing over the slightly swollen belly as he rides Stiles’s cock, fur starting to grow out on his body when there’s a sudden sharp knock on the door.

Stiles looks up from under Derek’s mass, “What?” he pants in confusion, feeling the alpha still atop him, “Just… ignore it, it’s probably some stupid-Derek?” he turns when the alpha stands up.

“It’s Scott,” Derek mutters as he moves to the door, not even stopping to get dressed when he swings it open.

“Jesus, fuck, Derek,” Stiles squawks, trying to cover himself, “At least give me a second to get decent… or something.” He glances up and if he wasn’t red already, he definitely turns the color of a tomato when he sees Derek and Scott standing there, scenting and whining at each other.

Stiles blinks as he watches them, slowly meandering over with the large robe of Derek’s wrapped tightly around himself, “Uh… is this normal?”

“Pack,” Derek responds gruffly, arms wrapping around Scott finally.

“I missed you,” Scott says and looks past Derek to see Stiles, staring at him with half-lidded eyes, “And you, I missed you, Stiles.”

“Missed you, too, buddy,” Stiles responds, waving awkwardly and then frowning when he sees Isaac behind him, “Uh, D-Derek,” he clears his throat.

Scott shakes his head slightly, “It’s okay, Isaac knows.”

Stiles narrows his brows, “He does? Why?”

“I figured it out myself,” Isaac says then, lifting his hand in a subtle wave, “I’m also dating Allison, so I know about that whole thing, too.”

Derek finally pulls back from Scott and looks at Lahey, “Alright, that explains that. Now, **why** are you here?”

“He wants the bite,” Scott says, still leaning close into Derek, “Bad things are happening back at the bureau, dude - really bad things that can’t be ignored anymore.”

Stiles feels his stomach twist sickly, “Bad things… like?”

“Deucalion has taken over Deaton’s position,” Scott responds, looking to Derek, “Also, I think he’s a werewolf.”

“Deucalion?” Derek asks in confusion.

“Yeah, you know,” Scott tries to explain, “The higher up dude that controls like… _everything_. Also, he’s blind, and he sounds way different than he does on the phone.

Derek stares at Scott, eyes widening when the realization dawns on him. He’s talked to the higher up on the phone hundreds of times while working in the bureau, but it’s always been different, _altered_ , “Deucalion is the blind werewolf,” he looks at Stiles.

Stiles gasps and covers his mouth, “Derek-”

“Yeah, he’s blind,” Scott says as he watches the exchange, “That’s what I just said.”

“It’s more than that, Scotty,” Stiles responds, motioning finally for them to come inside, “He’s-Deucalion, that is… he’s-”

“Behind Blue Moon,” Isaac interrupts them as he steps into the loft, “Yeah, we know.”

“That’s how Isaac found out about werewolves,” Scott explains, looking around the loft and scenting the air, “Who else is here?”

“What do you mean?”

Scott doesn’t respond at once, listening out as he mutters, “I hear another…” his eyes fall on Stiles, widening as he looks at his best friend, “Dude, why do you have **two** heartbeat sets?”

Stiles starts to chuckle before he blushes, “Oh, uh…” he looks to Derek and shrugs, “I mean, they know about werewolves, so..?”

Derek closes and locks the door, moving to Stiles, “They might as well know.”

“Know what?” Isaac asks, lifting a brow.

“Stiles is pregnant,” Derek responds, reaching out to his mate’s belly, “With my pup.”

Scott gasps, “What? How… how is that even-”

“Buddy,” Stiles interrupts him, holding his hand up, “You’re a **werewolf**.”

Scott continues to stare at Stiles, eyes nearly bulging out of his head as Isaac chuckles and then he finally stumbles forward, reaching a hand out tentatively, “Can-can I feel?”

Stiles looks at Derek, kissing his arm before turning back to Scott, “Go for it,” he says as his mate saunters off to get dressed. He drops his robes carefully from his shoulders, but keeping it wrapped securely around his waist.

Scott grins and moves to Stiles, reaching out to touch his stomach. His eyes get even wider, hands brushing the firm skin as he feels the subtle movement under the skin, “Holy shit, dude... you’re having a little… a little dude.”

“Uh, yeah, buddy,” Stiles responds, smiling widely, “There’s a little person in there.”

“A werewolf,” Derek supplies when he comes back to them, watching his beta touching his mate’s stomach before he turns his attention to the forensic analyst just behind him, “Why do you want the bite?”

“Because I wanna be powerful?” Isaac guesses, looking at him then, “We’ve gotta kill this other werewolf before he takes over.”

“We’re not killing anyone,” Scott says firmly.

“We might have to,” Stiles responds as he looks between them, “Scotty, this fight doesn’t start here. Me and Derek have been dealing with it since I first became an agent.”

Scott looks back at Derek and Stiles, “What do you mean?”

“My uncle,” Derek explains, “He was the one that killed Boyd. He was also a werewolf and I had to kill him because he gave me no other choice. That’s how I became an alpha.”

“You mean Deucalion isn’t even the start of this?”

Derek shakes his head, “No, I’ve been fighting it since before Boyd died.”

“And then what?” Scott asks, pulling his hands back from Stiles, “You just… you left, you bailed out when it got bad?”

“No,” Derek says flatly, narrowing his brows at Scott, “I didn’t have a choice. Deucalion threatened Stiles, I had to leave - he made that clear.”

“He’s gonna destroy everything we know anyway,” Scott responds as he balls his hands into fists, “That’s our home, Derek. It’s **your** home. We can’t just sit by and watch him do it.”

Derek turns away, moving to the edge of the bed and sitting down, “I know,” he mutters as he looks down, “Stiles and I have talked about it before. But I’m not nearly strong enough to take him down. Even with you and Lahey, and having my family,” he feels Stiles take the spot beside him, the small fingers taking his hand, “He’s too strong.”

“I know that,” Scott says and walks over to Derek as well, taking the other side by him, “But you’re not alone, Derek,” he touched the alpha’s shoulder, meeting his eyes and flashing his own, red and brilliant as he squeezes in reassurance.

Derek gasps, eyes widening, “But… how..?”

“Deaton told me it’s because I’m a true alpha,” Scott explains, “The fighting didn’t stop when you left, Derek. We can make more betas, we can fight Deucalion.”

“We can’t just go on, biting people, Scott,” Derek responds, “And not everyone is going to end up in a situation like you were in.”

“We have others,” Isaac says then, sitting nearby, but keeping his distance as all three of them look to him, “Erica-”

“Our receptionist?” Derek tests, lifting a skeptical brow.

“ **Our** receptionist,” Isaac corrects him, crossing his arms, “Yes. And Jackson.”

“Jackson?” Stiles huffs and shakes his head, “Right. Jackson is a dick, and the only person he cares about is himself.

Isaac sighs, “Okay, yeah, he’s a dick, but he’s on our side and he wants the bite.”

“Is that it?”

“Well,” Scott looks at Derek sheepishly, “I uh, accidentally already gave the bite to one of our new agents.”

“What?” Derek asks, raising his voice, “Scott-”

“I know, okay, it was an accident,” Scott responds, whining, “His name is Liam, and he’s… he’s a good person. After him, I… I gave Lydia the bite.”

Derek growls lowly, “Scott…”

“She would’ve died,” Scott raises his voice, “I didn’t have a choice, okay? She’s my wife.”

“She’s not a werewolf though,” Isaac says then, “She’s a banshee, apparently.”

“A banshee,” Derek lifts his brows, nodding slightly, “Anyone else?”

“Kira,” Scott says, “She’s a kitsune, and Allison and Chris wanna help as well. Brett and his sister, they’re both werewolves, and Deaton, who was an emissary.”

Derek stares at Scott silently for a moment, expression flat as he observes his beta, “You’ve been building an army.”

Scott blushes and shrugs, “Well, yeah. If we wanna beat Deucalion, we’ll need one.”

“So why come to me when you’re an alpha yourself?”

Scott ducks his head for a moment, “I need you,” he says, looking at his hands, “This pack isn’t anything without you, Derek. You know more about this than most of us.”

“I really don’t,” Derek responds, “And I’m… I’m not what I once was.”

“Bull shit,” Stiles says finally, standing up and looking at Derek, “You keep saying that, but you’re wrong.”

“Stiles-”

“No, Derek, goddammit,” Stiles raises his voice, “You’re stronger now; a lot stronger. I know it, I can feel it. And-and you have something worth fighting for. You have me, and you have this…” he motions to Scott, “This pack he’s been building for you.”

“Stiles-”

Stiles takes Derek’s hand, pressing it to his stomach, “And you have _this_. Derek, this is your dream,” he stares firmly at his mate, “The thing about dreams is… you have to fight for them. If you really, **really** want this… nothing is gonna stop you. And you know better than I do that this Deucalion guy is a threat to this.”

Derek stares into Stiles’s eyes, swallowing tightly as he turns his hand to take Stiles’s in his, “Alright.” Stiles is right, whether he likes it or not, Deucalion is a threat to their family, and something needs to be done about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry, it's been so long since I've updated this fic, and it'll probably be a lot longer fer the next chapter. I'm currently werking on original content instead of fanfiction and I just don't have time to post werks like this.
> 
> I’ve had a lot of personal problems over the last few months that make it difficult to motivate myself to even look at these fanfics, and really they just a waste of my energy. But I love you guys, I love my readers. So I'm trying. If you want more, there's my original werk on my Tumblr, and there are fics in the [Vault](http://cammerel.tumblr.com/Fic%20Sorter) that I might not ever even post.
> 
> -Cammerel


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